Sometimes I hate him!

[BrandiR]

Who suggested enabling him? I'm just being the lone compassionate voice in this thread so the OP doesn't end her entire marriage because 30 people on some forum keep telling her her husband is willingly being a scum bag.

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A different perspective - I was married to an addict (pills) for ten years, together for fifteen. I won't give a laundry list of the strain the addiction put on our life, financially and emotionally. He promised to "just stop". You know how that goes. He promised to get professional help. He never did. I always thought I just needed to love him more. It became my self imposed responsibility to make him happy so he wouldn't need to seek happiness in a handful of ------- (insert any RX narcotic, he wasn't picky). Yeah, that doesn't fix it either.

Finally, I did leave. Of course the drugs alone didn't make me make that choice, but I believe they led to the other behaviors that contributed to my finally accepting that I was going to sink or swim.

That was almost 5 years ago and word from friends/family is that he hasn't touched a drug since I left him. He's had the same job (2 years Max when we were married), he has a fiancée who can't even fathom why someone would leave such a wonderful man. He even got custody of a daughter he fathered via one-night-stand early in our relationship.

Do I wish he would have changed his life before he wrecked a train in mine? Of course. But things don't always work out the way we want. In the end, I had to go. In doing so, I helped him make the choice to get his act together. Now someone else can have a healthy relationship with him and he has a clear understanding of the consequences of his choices. I believe he will make his next wife very happy.

Compassion, support, and help don't always come in the form of standing by your man. Tough love has a place. Giving up your life to save yourself and someone you love, even if it means you won't be together, is definitely not a lack of compassion.

People are telling her to save HERSELF and if she does, she might save him too.

[MrLang]

That was almost 5 years ago and word from friends/family is that he hasn't touched a drug since I left him. He's had the same job (2 years Max when we were married), he has a fiancée who can't even fathom why someone would leave such a wonderful man. He even got custody of a daughter he fathered via one-night-stand early in our relationship.

Do I wish he would have changed his life before he wrecked a train in mine? Of course. But things don't always work out the way we want. In the end, I had to go. In doing so, I helped him make the choice to get his act together. Now someone else can have a healthy relationship with him and he has a clear understanding of the consequences of his choices. I believe he will make his next wife very happy.

My pivotal moment was at Christmas where my sister drove off in the middle of a snow storm and told me and my mom that she wasn't talking to either of us until I was clean.

A month later I was clean and have not even considered relapse. I'm never risking losing my family again.