# Site General > Off-topic Cafe >  Best "Old People" Sayings

## GoFride

What's the funniest expression you've ever heard from an old person? For some reason, "Great Googly Moogly" always makes me laugh - I have no idea why. My grandma always used to say things like, "Jiminy Christmas" and "Don't flip your wig." I've also heard old people call their eyes "peepers", and so on. Old people can come up with some great ways of expressing themselves. What have you heard?

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_decensored_ (01-29-2012)

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## babyknees

Not sure if this is really what you're looking for...but:
I like when older (old is a relative term) people call it "the facebook".
I love anything my mom says in relation to technology: "If I put the chip in the camera a different way will I see other pictures?" "I went to some recipe websites, is that why there are cookies on the computer?" and the best (which she called me to ask because my dad was on a trip) "How do I turn the TV on?" The power button, mom...the power button...

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## Mike41793

My grandfather always asks me what im doing on the calculator, aka computer lol. I work in a nursing home so I have heard alot of funny ones, just cant recall any right now.

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## pigfat

"well that's neater than a pocket on a shirt."

"Its shining like a diamond in a goats butt."

And my all time favorite:
Me: "Wyndal, do you think this will work?"
Wyndal: "like windshield wipers on a ducks butt!" 





Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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## GoFride

Here's another one (this one's from my grandpa); "Shoot low, they're riding Shetlands." Who knows what it means, but it was a great saying.

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## Mike41793

I got a few more I thought of:

"oh now hes just talking with a paper a__hole"- dont really know what it means lol, one of the residents at my work said it to me

"watch out for your friends, or you might not have friends to watch out for"- this one is kinda eery... O.o

Me- "how ya doing pop"
Pop-"anyone i can, the easy ones twice."
-that one is kinda naughty  :Very Happy: 

"imma hit you so hard that you'll die of starvation before you stop sliding"- i think my Pop said that one too but i may have heard it somewhere else like a tv show lol

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## dr del

> Here's another one (this one's from my grandpa); "Shoot low, they're riding Shetlands." Who knows what it means, but it was a great saying.


 :ROFL:   :ROFL:   :ROFL:   :ROFL:   :ROFL: 

Any Scots blood in your family by any chance?

http://www.craftonstud.co.uk/images/Bonnie1.jpg

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## Bruce Whitehead

Upon entering the Keg restaurant my gram said "it is as dark as the inside of a cow in here".

Her other favorite was "I will box your cheeky ears."

One that I always loved was any variation of jewelry tasting... As I if you don't stop being cheeky you will get a mouthful of mee-maw rings.

"If you don't hush up you will be tasting my abuelita's jewelry..."

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_angllady2_ (01-29-2012)

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## Lupe

My friends grandma is funny xD She calls us gerbils quite often.

Friend: "Grandma, come cuddle with me"
G-Ma: "Cuddle? I don't even cuddle with Grandpa!"

There have been many others but I can't remember right now. My friend and I talked about starting a show called "Grandparents Say The Darndest Things"  :ROFL:

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## The Serpent Merchant

> Here's another one (this one's from my grandpa); "Shoot low, they're riding Shetlands." Who knows what it means, but it was a great saying.


A Shetland is a type of pony (a pony isn't a baby horse like most people think, they are different.) so this is saying shoot low because they're on a pony

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_aldebono_ (01-30-2012)

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## Foschi Exotic Serpents

My grandma was from the south and had a foul mouth in her younger years so my mom inherited it. I'd laugh at the things she would say when I was growing up but laughing would sometimes get me in trouble..

"That's a crock of sh__ (poo) if I ever heard one"

"You're gonna be up sh__ (poo) creek without a paddle"

"I'm gonna knock you from here to Timbuktu" 

"Don't let your mouth overload your butt (not the polite version)" lol

"He's about as ornery as a pet coon"

Lol yep, my mom said these things. She was a little nuts. 

My dad and all his family were 100% Italian so there really weren't any old sayings (not in English anyway) but i got a kick out the way they talk anyway.

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## jschwe

My poppa used to always say "Holy bald-headed moses!" (at the top of his lungs) and, as a threat, "I'll knock your ears into orbit"

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## sirchaosofgb

Here's one my grandma always says.."God willin and the creek don't rise"! 
A very sweet old lady would say this when she really got mad..."Sh** Fire Pi$$ Coal and Save the matches!" and another my grandma used to say was if the ditches were full of water its going to snow...ummm well sometimes that's true and sometimes its not! LOL

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## ChrisS

"I'm gonna beat you with a wet noodle"
"you can't beat kids like you used to"
"when I was your age..."
"if had spoke to my mother like that I would of been slapped into next week"
 I'm sure I'll think of more

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## tonkatoyman

As an old Geezer myself lets see what I can come up with...
He's weak as pond water.
Slap you nekid (not naked) and hide your clothes
Dumb as dirt.
Sharp as a tack
Dead as a door nail
Shes looking at me "Like a mule staring at a brand new gate"
 Happy as a pig in slop
May think of more later... but enjoy

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## bubblz

_When ever my mom saw us talking to guys when I was younger especially when she thought we were doing something we shouldn't be doing. She always said;

"You or Y'all bout hot as K9 pepper".

We asked what it meant a couple times and if she was sure, it's not suppose to be Cayenne instead of K9 lol as far as she was concerned it was K9. Till this day we still don't know what she meant, a dog in heat maybe  but where does the pepper come from. No matter what the situation was we always got a kick out of it lol.

Of course the infamous "I brought you into this world and I'll take you out" and she tried quite a few times.

"I don't mess with old men,.. they give you worms" from my moms best friend who would be called a Cougar these days.

"Pit dat deh right deh ova deh" 

Oh,.. my gran daddy frustrated me so with that one. Because he never named the item and some times he didn't even point to it. I just knew there was something I had to move,.. but what and where to put it.

When something was high or too high for them;

"that's higher than a giraffes coochie"

In memory of them and that quote some times my sister says things like;

"My pockets are tighter than a ants coochie"

There's so many.

"You ain't got nothing to be crying for, so shut up before I give you a reason to cry"

"You couldn't bust a grape"

When questioning some ones sexuality, man that looks like a woman or woman that looks like a man.
Me: "Daddy is that a man or a woman?"
My Daddy: "Mmm hmm yes it is"

"Don't make me or You won't me to yolk you".

Some of these I still use_

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## KatStoverReptiles

My grandmother on my dad's side:

"I'm gonna kill you and tell God you died."

"It's raining like a cow pissing on a flat rock."

My mom, after a good meal, will sometimes say, "Good stuff, Maynerd." To this day, I still have no idea who Maynerd is.

My grandpa on my mom's side, upon seeing a particularly "rough" looking man (tattoos, piercings, etc), would say, "Aiiiiinnn'ttt he puuuuurrrrdy!"

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## SquamishSerpents

My friends mom once told me if we didn't leave she'd "beat us with a sack of wet mice"

Thought you guys would like that one!

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## TomC

My grandpa used a lot of those already mentioned and one I have not seen yet.

"that's slicker than chicken (poop) on a river rock."

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## HighVoltageRoyals

"Get your wheeled goods off my god-danged porch!!" is a pretty famous one that my gramps uses. 

Also, for some reason, I've noticed that old people are in love with Bill Cosby and think he is a pool of amazing facts and knowledge. For examples, my grandpa got jello pudding for me once at a buffet and I was like "I don't like pudding gramps" and he was like" well, Bill Cosby likes it so EAT IT." Needless to say, I did.  :Razz:  That Bill Cosby....he knows things.

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## MasonC2K

Men in my family often say "I've gotta go see a man about a horse (or sometimes dog)" when having to go to the bathroom.

And i don't hear this much from young people, but to older generations here "Bless their heart" is a nice way of calling someone stupid.

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## Mike41793

> Men in my family often say "I've gotta go see a man about a horse (or sometimes dog)" when having to go to the bathroom.
> 
> And i don't hear this much from young people, but to older generations here "Bless their heart" is a nice way of calling someone stupid.


Yes "bless their heart" is one of my grandmas favorites lol. This reminded me of some other ones of hers:
When it is cold outside or she finds something to be cold she says "its colder than a blue bean!" or the opposite "its hot as a beast!" 
Also whenever she orders steak or chicken at a resterant and they ask how she wants it cooked she says:"i want it well done, but dont kill it!"

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## python_addict

My grandparents say "sell your encyclopedias" or "we dont need all of your encyclopedias"....lol

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## Slim

Some personal favorites:

"Wrong like two boys in a closet"

"Sharp as the leading edge of a bowling ball"

"Like eating soup with a fork"

And my all time favorite, at the top of your lungs...

"Hammer Swingin' Jesus!"

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## GoFride

> And my all time favorite, at the top of your lungs...
> 
> "Hammer Swingin' Jesus!"


 :ROFL:   :ROFL:   :ROFL:   Your family reunions must be a riot!

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## angllady2

One I picked up from my Uncle Lee, rest his soul, was this :

"That fella's lower than an snakes belly in a wagon rut."

Being snake owners, we all know that's pretty darn low.

Gale

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