Ladies of Bp.Net, I need some help.

find a new man that appreciates your passion for your animals...:D

I think that if you are feeling constrained by him already, this early in the game.. that is not a good sign. If he wanted you to limit your snakes because of realistic financial reasons, I could see.. but this sounds like early, controlling behavior.

When unacceptable behavior occurs in a relationship, you can either make your demands known (in my case, I let my man know what he was doing, and that I would not accept it and it needed to be changed) or bail. I would bail in your case, because to me, it seems like this guy is trying to overprotect you by commandeering your life and isolating you from what you love (keeping snakes.)

Everyone on here has given the best advice I have ever heard. You Laura, and everyone here are in the best company anyone could ask for(in an online community(we all rock don't we))
You should definitely put an end to things before something bad happens. I would take everyone's advice and end it plain and simple, its highly unhealthy.
In my professional opinion I would not try to sit him down and reason with him. You haven't much luck with that route thus far, and I don't think you will to be quite honest. In this situation sitting down and talking could go very badly, things get heated, could turn bad and people could end up doing more bad than good. It is difficult I know, but for the best.
Always know that there are TONS of people there for you, both on here and friends, and family.
The very best of luck to you. Know you have the support and friendship of countless individuals

did i mention find a new boyfriend who appreciates you and your love for the animals???:taz:

You may want to have someone with you, perhaps waiting in the car or outside, when you do break up with this guy. If things go bad, they could go very bad. Try to bring a guy, a big one, not one of your girlfriends.

This is way too new of a relationship for anyone to be making demands, unless they were phrased as "If we are to stay together successfully ...." and leaving breaking off the relationship as a second option.

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Originally Posted by wilomn

You may want to have someone with you, perhaps waiting in the car or outside, when you do break up with this guy. If things go bad, they could go very bad. Try to bring a guy, a big one, not one of your girlfriends.

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agreed. security for hire hahaha :gj:

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Originally Posted by wilomn

You may want to have someone with you, perhaps waiting in the car or outside, when you do break up with this guy. If things go bad, they could go very bad. Try to bring a guy, a big one, not one of your girlfriends.

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Agreed completely in this situation. Brother, Friend, Family member.
I would even go as far as to do this in a very public place, or instead of bringing one person, bring a few.
If anything, the fact that you have people backing you up with scare him, and his tail will be tucked. The fact that you have people backing you gives you the upper hand, and you establish dominance.

Moving in after 2 months, WAY too soon. Demanding to move in after 2 months, get real!

There is nothing wrong to be independent. I'm the same. That doesn't mean you cant care for someone.

The "walls" you have built up, I can understand that being a young woman and all the guys around. But I think when the right guy comes along, he wont be asking you to take those down, and you will end up doing it anyways because you feel safe and happy and you'll do it your self, not because he asked you to.

No one has to like what you like, but if he doesn't respect what you like and tries to change the core of who you are, then that is one BIG problem.

With my pass few relationships I've learn to first be happy by my self. Then find someone that makes you happy-er. Do the things you like and love. Being who you are is always more important than what others want you to be. I wish I had realized this sooner.

Anyways I could go on, but that is pretty much the basics for me now :D

Yup, been there, done that, have the divorce decree to prove it. Don't make the same mistake I did. Get out while you still can.

I will just say 1 thing.... You can really tell the character of a person by what they think of animals. This is almost 100% true when I applied this to my personal life. If he laughs about your passion of animals, and he laughs about the fact that you dont want to give them up, then hes basically worthless already in my book.

I know not everyone is as "into animals" as us on this forum, but people who don't care about animals at all or have no interest in them tend to be pretty worthless. All of the people I know who are very interested in reptiles or other animals are pretty much all more passionate, friendly and just polite and positive than the few people I know that dislike animals.

I know people will probably disagree with me and this will turn into an argument like always, but thats just something I have noticed.

If this guy dislikes animals and hes trying to make you give up your dreams, then just end it right now. He sounds like a tool.

EDIT - Oh yeah, I ain't a lady but I figured I'd throw in my 2 cents.

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Originally Posted by PurplePython

I will just say 1 thing.... You can really tell the character of a person by what they think of animals. This is almost 100% true when I applied this to my personal life. If he laughs about your passion of animals, and he laughs about the fact that you don't want to give them up, then hes basically worthless already in my book.

I know not everyone is as "into animals" as us on this forum, but people who don't care about animals at all or have no interest in them tend to be pretty worthless. All of the people I know who are very interested in reptiles or other animals are pretty much all more passionate, friendly and just polite and positive than the few people I know that dislike animals.

I know people will probably disagree with me and this will turn into an argument like always, but that's just something I have noticed.

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*raises hand*

I disagree.

Is Steffe playing devils advocate?

on the contrary, in my experience I agree with your statement.
Most people I know that care for animals are in general better people to get along with, more caring, friendlier ect, ect.
But that is neither here nor there.

I don't mean to discredit any of the great advice anyone has shared with you. Though, in my opinion, the best guidence you can receive when it comes to relationships is to not take anyone's advice. None of us are qualified to give you advice. You can tell us what's going on between you and your boyfriend and that will give us a good view from the outside but relationships are more complicated then that. We can't know what your feelings for him are or his feelings for you. You are the only one that can properly weigh the pros and cons of your relationship taking all of your feelings into account.

We can't tell you wether you should or shouldn't leave him. The truth is - you already know the answer. The hard part is not deciding what you should do. The hard part is admitting to yourself what you have already decided.

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Originally Posted by Blightedchemist

Is Steffe playing devils advocate?

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No. I can't agree with such a blanket statement. I know people who don't like or care for animals and are wonderful people. I also know people who like and [poorly] care for animals and are awful people.

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Originally Posted by Blightedchemist

Is Steffe playing devils advocate?

on the contrary, in my experience I agree with your statement.
Most people I know that care for animals are in general better people to get along with, more caring, friendlier ect, ect.
But that is neither here nor there.

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and very opinionated... :rolleyes:

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Originally Posted by Kaorte

No. I can't agree with such a blanket statement. I know people who don't like or care for animals and are wonderful people. I also know people who like and [poorly] care for animals and are awful people.

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Exactly...

You are worth more then that Laura!!! You have to know you are worth more then that and that you deserve better!! And if you don't I am telling you. We are all telling you. All this has happened in only two months just think about two years from now when he is really comfortable. I am sure he is a great guy minus these things you brought up but do you really want to compromise all this even though you deserve better? You don't want any one controlling you or telling you what to do. You have to think, do you want to live your life being you or do you want to live your life being the person this guy wants you to be? That has to be a rough existance. As a female the guy should treat you like a queen and not the way he is doing now. He does not have to like or be into the things you are but he does need to respect and accept that it is a part of who you are. I think you deserve so much better. You did just fine looking for this guy and you will do quite fine up until you find a better one!!! Good luck with whatever you decide to do :gj:

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Originally Posted by ColdBloodedCarnival

I don't mean to discredit any of the great advice anyone has shared with you. Though, in my opinion, the best guidence you can receive when it comes to relationships is to not take anyone's advice. None of us are qualified to give you advice. You can tell us what's going on between you and your boyfriend and that will give us a good view from the outside but relationships are more complicated then that. We can't know what your feelings for him are or his feelings for you. You are the only one that can properly weigh the pros and cons of your relationship taking all of your feelings into account.

We can't tell you wether you should or shouldn't leave him. The truth is - you already know the answer. The hard part is not deciding what you should do. The hard part is admitting to yourself what you have already decided.

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Very true, we could be considered practically blind as to what is going on. All we can do is use our own experience from similar conditions and help our friend in a time of need, and ultimately it is up to Laura.

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Originally Posted by Kaorte

No. I can't agree with such a blanket statement. I know people who don't like or care for animals and are wonderful people. I also know people who like and [poorly] care for animals and are awful people.

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Agreed Steffe, which is also why I felt I needed to add that in my experience, I couldn't however say every animal owner ever is an incredible person or otherwise.

I read part of the thread up to the 2nd page.. I would leave him if I were you.. My fiance had no clue about reptiles until we got together, and she LOVES them now.. Like many others have said, he wants to be incontrol.. The misses also says to leave him, she says " it's not love , if he doesnt love everything about you"

I also say KICK him in the junk and leave!

Cheers!

I can give you real advice in about 2 years, that is when I am finished with my first psychology degree. But in the mean time, I don't know that you should kick him. It might cause him to get violent.

lol, Swing.

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Originally Posted by Freakie_frog

Know the difference between compromise and control.

Compromise means he enjoys being around you. He maynot understand your passion for snakes but your worth dealing with the snakes to be with.

Control means he wants to be with you but only if he can have the parts he likes and get rid of the parts he doesn't

I love my wife there are things that we compromise on my snakes being one of them. I wanted more snakes she wanted them out of the house, so we compromised we renovated an addition to the house that is now the snake room. We both got what we wanted..But I'll tell you, she wouldn't have ever left me or asked me to get rid of them..

Independance in a woman is a very sexy trait. Most stable men like a women that while she doesn't have to have him around to live she can't live with out him.. ;)

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You see, I even told him that moving in together was for something to think about in the way future. And that if we ever did, I'd try to have my own room for the reptiles so he didn't have to deal with them. He just said that there was no way he was going to give a whole room to animals, it was a waste of space.

Being independant is really all I have left after that I have been through, I don't depend on anyone but my family and a few friends I've known for years.

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Originally Posted by wilomn

You may want to have someone with you, perhaps waiting in the car or outside, when you do break up with this guy. If things go bad, they could go very bad. Try to bring a guy, a big one, not one of your girlfriends.

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It's already been a really rough day, been talking to him on and off explaining how I am feeling about everything but he is just getting mad and not listening. I do have a couple bigger guy friends, mainly my guy best friend that he had told me he didn't like from the get go.

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Originally Posted by Boanerges

You are worth more then that Laura!!! You have to know you are worth more then that and that you deserve better!! And if you don't I am telling you. We are all telling you. All this has happened in only two months just think about two years from now when he is really comfortable. I am sure he is a great guy minus these things you brought up but do you really want to compromise all this even though you deserve better? You don't want any one controlling you or telling you what to do. You have to think, do you want to live your life being you or do you want to live your life being the person this guy wants you to be? That has to be a rough existance. As a female the guy should treat you like a queen and not the way he is doing now. He does not have to like or be into the things you are but he does need to respect and accept that it is a part of who you are. I think you deserve so much better. You did just fine looking for this guy and you will do quite fine up until you find a better one!!! Good luck with whatever you decide to do :gj:

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Thanks, that really means a lot.

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Originally Posted by SlitherinSisters

First of all don't move in with him. That's WAY too soon. He doesn't want you do be independent...so does that mean he wants you to be dependent upon him so he can control you? Maybe I'm off, but that's what it sounds like. I can't believe that after only 2 months of dating he's already saying that sort of stuff. You should still be in the "puppies and rainbows" stage when everything is nice and sweet and each of you keep your opinions to yourselves. Heck, I think I was in that stage for almost a year! We are on year four, bought a house, and engaged now. Arguments are healthy, but name calling or bashing is not. At no point is it ok to do one of those things in an argument, IMO. It's not that hard to have a civil argument with someone if you love them.

I wouldn't say it unless you asked for my opinion, but since you did :P I think you should look for someone new. If it's already rocky at two months, I don't see it lasting. At least not if you want to keep your dignity and self pride. Keep your pets, you'll find someone wonderful who treats you right and supports your hobby (or at least accepts it)!

My fiance didn't support my hobby, only accepted it, but he is starting to support it and plans on coming to Tinely with me :D

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I wish I could be as lucky as some of you and find someone who is like that.


Thank you all so much for all the support and advice, it means a lot. Wish a lot of you were closer to me. But I hope we can meet if anyone goes to tinley in october. I'll update you on how things go, because he's not happy right now and I'm trying not to fall apart.

Good luck Laura! we are all here for you!
And some of us live like 30 minutes away!

I'd say you should not tolerate being condescended to for one minute more. If the only way he can earn your respect is to make you feel crappy about yourself, he obviously doesn't have much to really offer you. He's trying to make you value your relationship with him more than you value yourself. Yes, it feels nice to be liked by another person, but it's all for nothing if all they want to do is control you. If he is making fun of you, telling you what you can and cannot do, and attacking your self-esteem by telling you your hobby is just an emotional crutch, he isn't even worth a second glance. You needn't place so much value on another person's attention, especially somebody who treats you with such disrespect. Put him in his place. You can tell you aren't happy, and that alone is reason enough to dump him.

I'd make like a ball...and bounce. :D

shewt. If I had a girlfriend that was into reptiles and we were bout to move in together, I'd be all about it.

But thats me...I love reptiles so it makes sense to me. Folks that aren't into reptiles just don't "get it" - and that's fine, but, respect what I love. That's all I ask.

However it turns out - I wish you the best of luck. Hopefully it won't turn ugly. Stay strong and don't give in to nonsense :gj:

Blightedchemist (Ken), Kaorte (Steffe), Me, Joe pythons, we all live right down the rd from you! There are a bunch more members in the northern IL area that I dont know to. We will definately meet up at NARBC and our group will be bigger this yr.

Absolutely Monica! Shoot we don't need to wait for NARBC to get together!

You'll make the right decision. It may not be easy (relationships rarely are) but it's very obvious that you have many friends around here that are here for you. GOOD LUCK!!!

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Originally Posted by shescountry89

I feel crappy. He doesn't like doing what I do, only wants me out drinking every night with his friends. It's taking a toll on me, I work a lot and i'm exhausted. Mentally and physically.

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Call it quits. Being with someone that doesn't like to do what you do and love what you love doesn't sound worth it. I mean, what do you talk about?!

On the other hand, I think that being in a relationship can help us grow into the people we would like to be. Our other half should encourage us to grow. We should WANT to change, but change into a better person, not a different person.

Best of luck.

Sorry for being so late to the party...

Laura, everything I have seen of you on this site, is you behaving with kindness and compassion. Being with a man that cannot respond with in like is not worth your time.

Asking you... or telling you, to give up something you are passionate about, unacceptable on every level.

Your love of animals, even if he does not "get it" is something that if he was passionate about you, about what makes you who you are, is something he would want to know about, want to embrace, or at least understand.

Many of us have spouses and partners that are not as passionate about our hobbies as we are, but they would not ask us to give them up.

My spouse is an artist, and I love the arts, but do not share the same deep committment, but I would never ask that he modify what inspires him and makes him see the world is a way that allows him to create.

I like snakes, and that is my passion, and it is understood, that although different, our unique ventures makes us stronger individually and so we can prosper as a diad.

We meet halfway, and it is a great place to be. :D

I know you have heard it and I think you know it, but this person is not celebrating you. and he should. The perfect person for you is just waiting patiently for you to get off the loser train. :)

Sometimes you do have to teach a new partner how to relate, that is part of building a relationship, but it is reciprocal. Buddy has an open slot marked GIRLFRIEND and wants to plop you into it perfectly.

Ever hear the expression "round hole - square peg"... you are not the fit for him, and it sucks to be him.

Just a matter of time till he tells you "whatcha talking to those internet snake losers for? You don't have any snakes!"

I hope you can make this decision and do what you need to do with minimal drama. Nothing worse than dreading a decision because you dread the consequences.

My heart goes out to you. Pull on the supports around you and do what you need to do.

Bruce

PS:

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Originally Posted by shescountry89

I've thought about this, because he does have a temper and hates being disrespected. He's joked around about... stuff if I am 'jokingly' being sarcastic with him he'll say something like "Woman don't make me slap you, did you just say that to me?"

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A friend of mine... a PhD in Social Psych used to hear that from her partner. One day as she was bending down to pick up her dropped keys, he said that to her "jokingly", she was not in a good mood and she told him to "give it a rest"... he elbowed her in the back of the head so hard that he knocked out 3 of her teeth on the doorknob.

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Originally Posted by Blightedchemist

Absolutely Monica! Shoot we don't need to wait for NARBC to get together!

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Definately. If you ever neew to talk or just text you can always PM one of us with your number. We keep in touch but hes right, we should just make a coffee date or something.

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Originally Posted by Ash

I'd say you should not tolerate being condescended to for one minute more. If the only way he can earn your respect is to make you feel crappy about yourself, he obviously doesn't have much to really offer you. He's trying to make you value your relationship with him more than you value yourself. Yes, it feels nice to be liked by another person, but it's all for nothing if all they want to do is control you. If he is making fun of you, telling you what you can and cannot do, and attacking your self-esteem by telling you your hobby is just an emotional crutch, he isn't even worth a second glance. You needn't place so much value on another person's attention, especially somebody who treats you with such disrespect. Put him in his place. You can tell you aren't happy, and that alone is reason enough to dump him.

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I can't believe I couldn't see through all the nice things, and the good way he was treating me for awhile. Only to slowly try and get me away from the one thing that really does make me happy. He saw how happy I was when I managed to take him to one reptile show, I introduced him to friends there. I tried teaching him a few things, all he would say is "Wow, you are really into this stuff arn't you?" And would chuckle and ask if we could leave yet. Good I had some awesome people on here really tell me what he's getting at.. and help me out before it got worse in the long run. Thank you so much, your post was awesome and very meaningful.

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Originally Posted by Foschi Exotic Serpents

Blightedchemist (Ken), Kaorte (Steffe), Me, Joe pythons, we all live right down the rd from you! There are a bunch more members in the northern IL area that I dont know to. We will definately meet up at NARBC and our group will be bigger this yr.

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Well why haven't we hung out yet? I could use some friends have simular interests as I do. My one friend only comes to show with me because of the "hott" guys. Not for the actual hobby. We definatly need to figure something out and hang at the show. I'll be there all weekend.

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Originally Posted by ColdBloodedCarnival

You'll make the right decision. It may not be easy (relationships rarely are) but it's very obvious that you have many friends around here that are here for you. GOOD LUCK!!!

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Thanks you :)

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Originally Posted by Bruce Whitehead

Sorry for being so late to the party...

Laura, everything I have seen of you on this site, is you behaving with kindness and compassion. Being with a man that cannot respond with in like is not worth your time.

Asking you... or telling you, to give up something you are passionate about, unacceptable on every level.

Your love of animals, even if he does not "get it" is something that if he was passionate about you, about what makes you who you are, is something he would want to know about, want to embrace, or at least understand.

Many of us have spouses and partners that are not as passionate about our hobbies as we are, but they would not ask us to give them up.

My spouse is an artist, and I love the arts, but do not share the same deep committment, but I would never ask that he modify what inspires him and makes him see the world is a way that allows him to create.

I like snakes, and that is my passion, and it is understood, that although different, our unique ventures makes us stronger individually and so we can prosper as a diad.

We meet halfway, and it is a great place to be. :D

I know you have heard it and I think you know it, but this person is not celebrating you. and he should. The perfect person for you is just waiting patiently for you to get off the loser train. :)

Sometimes you do have to teach a new partner how to relate, that is part of building a relationship, but it is reciprocal. Buddy has an open slot marked GIRLFRIEND and wants to plop you into it perfectly.

Ever hear the expression "round hole - square peg"... you are not the fit for him, and it sucks to be him.

Just a matter of time till he tells you "whatcha talking to those internet snake losers for? You don't have any snakes!"

I hope you can make this decision and do what you need to do with minimal drama. Nothing worse than dreading a decision because you dread the consequences.

My heart goes out to you. Pull on the supports around you and do what you need to do.

Bruce

PS:



A friend of mine... a PhD in Social Psych used to hear that from her partner. One day as she was bending down to pick up her dropped keys, he said that to her "jokingly", she was not in a good mood and she told him to "give it a rest"... he elbowed her in the back of the head so hard that he knocked out 3 of her teeth on the doorknob.

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Your right, it's not only the decision I fear but it's also the consequences of knowing I am going to be alone agian. Watching all my friends in their happy relasionships that they've been in for month/years. I am being hopeful that he contains his temper, for I know he is pretty pissed off right now. I am not afriad of being hit, It's happened before.

He doesn't like most animals, and I myself cannot see myself ever being with an animal in my household. I told him in the beginning that my animals were very important to me, I guess since we had gotten somewhat serious he decided to try and tell me "like it is" and how things are going to be done. Things were fine for awhile, and they took a turn. I am young, I am only 21 years old and still mature for my age.

I hope someday I can find someone, and have the luck a lot of you guys do finding someone who shares the same passion or at least excepts it. It's not going to be an easy road, thats all I know.

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Originally Posted by shescountry89

I hope someday I can find someone, and have the luck a lot of you guys do finding someone who shares the same passion or at least excepts it. It's not going to be an easy road, thats all I know.

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I say we start a section in the forums called "The single's hang out" or something like that, because I know I got no luck at all. LOL

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Originally Posted by Danounet

I say we start a section in the forums called "The single's hang out" or something like that, because I know I got no luck at all. LOL

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Any platinum member can start up a customized forum...that sounds like a fun topic to do! Anyone who is interested can PM me to set up details.

Laura...you've gotten tons of wise words and good advice here, so I won't add to it. It sounds to me like you'll make the right decision. I wish you all the best!

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Originally Posted by JLC

Any platinum member can start up a customized forum...that sounds like a fun topic to do! Anyone who is interested can PM me to set up details.

Laura...you've gotten tons of wise words and good advice here, so I won't add to it. It sounds to me like you'll make the right decision. I wish you all the best!

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If no one beats me to it, I guess I'll have to set that one up when I can afford it :D

Get out of that relationship,move to Ny, date "this guy" who has an awesome selection of bps hahahahah but seriously be safe,and make the right choice. :gj:

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Originally Posted by BallsUnlimited

Get out of that relationship,move to Ny, date "this guy" who has an awesome selection of bps hahahahah but seriously be safe,and make the right choice. :gj:

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Haha :) Thanks you. Yeah, most of the guys who like reptiles I meet here are either taken ... or married o.O Just my luck usually. Til i think I meet the right one, but he doesn't support me.

Hope all this works out, I am not looking forwards to how this is going to end tonight.

I'm a bit late as well.

Everyone here has told you the truth and given good advise, so I won't add to it.

I will say this, after more bad experiences with guys who were jerks and users than I can count, I did find the one for me. I've been with Kyle for 20 years now, and I love him more than anything.

Sure we have our ups and downs, all couples do. But after so many years, his heart beats in my chest and mine is his. We live for each other and with each other, and no one can change that.

Please don't loose hope, the right guy is out there, and when the time is right, he'll find you. In the mean time, tell this looser not to let the door hit him in the butt on they way out it.

Gale

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Originally Posted by shescountry89

Haha :) Thanks you. Yeah, most of the guys who like reptiles I meet here are either taken ... or married o.O Just my luck usually. Til i think I meet the right one, but he doesn't support me.

Hope all this works out, I am not looking forwards to how this is going to end tonight.

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Ballsunlimited not taken hahah...Hope all goes well and were here for you if you need anything.... :D

Bruce totally gets it. He sees the passionate side of a persons hobbies/interests like I do. I have known people with interests that were not mine but it is so true. When you truly care about someone their differences dont matter to you. Thats all you need to know and you already know that. We sometimes need to learn some self control in that dept. For instance. I love my snakes and talk about snakes any chance I get. If im hanging out with someone who really couldnt care less about snakes then I just keep it short and sweet and then move on to something else. I pick up on peoples reactions and adjust accordingly but my friends who do not like snakes would never shun me for it. They accept it and it makes them happy to see me happy.

Its all about acceptance. You know whats up, you just didnt want to admit it because he was your don jaun in the beginning. I see you as being the type to not fight about it but instead, just gracefully bow out. If thats wha happens his loss will be your gain.

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Originally Posted by angllady2

I'm a bit late as well.

Everyone here has told you the truth and given good advise, so I won't add to it.

I will say this, after more bad experiences with guys who were jerks and users than I can count, I did find the one for me. I've been with Kyle for 20 years now, and I love him more than anything.

Sure we have our ups and downs, all couples do. But after so many years, his heart beats in my chest and mine is his. We live for each other and with each other, and no one can change that.

Please don't loose hope, the right guy is out there, and when the time is right, he'll find you. In the mean time, tell this looser not to let the door hit him in the butt on they way out it.

Gale

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I always like hearing that kind of stuff, still gives me some kind of faith and hope. I wish I could have been like my sisters who had met their husbands and become highschool sweethearts. Met when they were 15 and 17 and they are now 32 and each have 3 kids.

thank you, gale.

I did not read through all 8437 posts...:rolleyes:......put I wanted to say this:

You are such a little hottie...
You have sooooooo much going for you...
You are very outgoing....
You have a passion for things that matter to you....

These are just some of the things that I noticed about you in your posts and pics.

Now with all of that being said....someone should treat you like a totally rare beautiful flower. (Im not saying that you are fragile) I am saying that you are special and should be treated like that. Someone should love you for who YOU are....and love the things about you. My husband loves my passion for things....even if he himself doesn't have a passion for that paticular thing....it is his passion to support what I love and vice versa.

Don't ever get discourage and settle because I promise you the perfect person that meets ALL of your expectations IS out there....sometimes it just takes a LONG time to find him. Do not ever let anyone tell you that you standards are too high......they are not. Have fun with yourself...your friends...and your family. If and when you meet the right one....you will totally know it!!!


It took me until I was 34 yrs old to find him....and he was and still is everything I wanted in someone. (He met all of those expectations)!!!!!

I'm also late to this thread... Sheesh, 10 pages! You've got an awesome support team going on here!!

I just wanted to say that I moved in with my BF after 1 month of dating and we've been together for 5 years, and still going strong... BUT, it was under totally different circumstances. Imo, him getting all huffy over not moving in together throws a huge red flag.

Also just wanted to say that you are young, and you have the rest of your life to find the person that makes you happy. If this one isn't the one, at least you know now, right? Starting the search again isn't fun... But it's rewarding when you find that golden egg.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Foschi Exotic Serpents

Bruce totally gets it. He sees the passionate side of a persons hobbies/interests like I do. I have known people with interests that were not mine but it is so true. When you truly care about someone their differences dont matter to you. Thats all you need to know and you already know that. We sometimes need to learn some self control in that dept. For instance. I love my snakes and talk about snakes any chance I get. If im hanging out with someone who really couldnt care less about snakes then I just keep it short and sweet and then move on to something else. I pick up on peoples reactions and adjust accordingly but my friends who do not like snakes would never shun me for it. They accept it and it makes them happy to see me happy.

Its all about acceptance. You know whats up, you just didnt want to admit it because he was your don jaun in the beginning. I see you as being the type to not fight about it but instead, just gracefully bow out. If thats wha happens his loss will be your gain.

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When it comes to my friends I am always very aware of who doesn't mind me talking snakes and who does. I am very careful, and I really haven't talked much about it with him. But sometimes I tell him I have cages to clean after work, or its feeding day and he'll be like "You and your snakes, seriously.. text me whenever you are done messing with them" or something like that. I don't fight on it, I hate fighting. I really don't have a mean bone in my body.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by BPelizabeth

I did not read through all 8437 posts...:rolleyes:......put I wanted to say this:

You are such a little hottie...
You have sooooooo much going for you...
You are very outgoing....
You have a passion for things that matter to you....

These are just some of the things that I noticed about you in your posts and pics.

Now with all of that being said....someone should treat you like a totally rare beautiful flower. (Im not saying that you are fragile) I am saying that you are special and should be treated like that. Someone should love you for who YOU are....and love the things about you. My husband loves my passion for things....even if he himself doesn't have a passion for that paticular thing....it is his passion to support what I love and vice versa.

Don't ever get discourage and settle because I promise you the perfect person that meets ALL of your expectations IS out there....sometimes it just takes a LONG time to find him. Do not ever let anyone tell you that you standards are too high......they are not. Have fun with yourself...your friends...and your family. If and when you meet the right one....you will totally know it!!!


It took me until I was 34 yrs old to find him....and he was and still is everything I wanted in someone. (He met all of those expectations)!!!!!

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Thank you hun, that post made me smile a bit. Waiting is the worst part though, it really is. Hah. I guess from now on I'll go back to focusing on work, and more important things. Doing what I love and not letting anyone hold me back.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Elise.m

I'm also late to this thread... Sheesh, 10 pages! You've got an awesome support team going on here!!

I just wanted to say that I moved in with my BF after 1 month of dating and we've been together for 5 years, and still going strong... BUT, it was under totally different circumstances. Imo, him getting all huffy over not moving in together throws a huge red flag.

Also just wanted to say that you are young, and you have the rest of your life to find the person that makes you happy. If this one isn't the one, at least you know now, right? Starting the search again isn't fun... But it's rewarding when you find that golden egg.

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Yeah, I wasn't expecting that many pages actually. It suprises me how many friends I have on here. It makes me feel a lot better and everyone has helped me realize what I was trying to make myself believe wasn't true. Everyone has different situations.

Congrats that yours is working out.

[QUOTE=shescountry89;1329209] I am not afriad of being hit, It's happened.

If this is even in your head with this Clown, he needs to go. NO WOMAN should EVER have to worry about being hit EVER and if it does happen Im sure enough people on here would take care of It. Let me know Ill bring a whole Philly crew to the Chi lol

Touchy Subject with me.

Your better off without this guy.

[QUOTE=PolishPython;1329307]

Quote:

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Originally Posted by shescountry89

I am not afriad of being hit, It's happened.

If this is even in your head with this Clown, he needs to go. NO WOMAN should EVER have to worry about being hit EVER and if it does happen Im sure enough people on here would take care of It. Let me know Ill bring a whole Philly crew to the Chi lol

Touchy Subject with me.

Your better off without this guy.

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I know, and it isn't going to happen. I'll make sure of it this time.

aww im late to the party too lol.

You've been given some great advice here. And i wanted to add my two cents. :)

I was in a relationship with a guy i met on my college campus. He started out nice and friendly but it quickly turned sour.. I'd been looking for a fling, maybe some casual dating but nothing serious. (I'd just gotten out of a 5 year relationship and wanted some me time). Within 2 weeks of dating he asked me to marry him and that wasn't even the first red flag.. He became controlling and crazy. Wanted to know who i was with at all times, became crazy upset when i would talk and hang out with other guy friends, etc. It became too much for me and i tried to break it off. We dated for like 8 months and he made 2 years of my live a living hell. It took me YEARS to get him off my back, he'd take everything out on me, it was terrible. My self esteem suffered, my grades suffered, my art suffered, my friendships suffered, etc.

After all that (and ironically because of that ex) i met my current boyfriend. We've been dating for over 3 years, live together and are very happy together. He doesn't share my love for reptiles at all. He's actually afraid of snakes. BUT what he does do is let me keep them (in the same room as him no doubt) because he knows I love them and that they mean a lot to me. He would never ask me to get rid of them, ever. We've created some rules and set up some compromises so that we each get what we want. Ie, I can basically have whatever reptiles I want, but he doesn't want to see them unless its a gecko because he is seriously afraid of snakes. Things like that. He knows I want to breed them and usually just rolls his eyes and smiles when i tell him im getting more.

There is a healthy relationship out there for you. Based on what you wrote, i don't think this one is for you.

Good luck *hugs*

Well, I'm all the way out here in New Jersey, so I can't exactly meet anywhere. But like I said before, I'll be here if you just wanted to talk. I'm friendly I promise, ha ha.