Ladies of Bp.Net, I need some help.

[Swingline0.0.1]

I can give you real advice in about 2 years, that is when I am finished with my first psychology degree. But in the mean time, I don't know that you should kick him. It might cause him to get violent.

[WingedWolfPsion]

lol, Swing.

[shescountry89]

Know the difference between compromise and control.

Compromise means he enjoys being around you. He maynot understand your passion for snakes but your worth dealing with the snakes to be with.

Control means he wants to be with you but only if he can have the parts he likes and get rid of the parts he doesn't

I love my wife there are things that we compromise on my snakes being one of them. I wanted more snakes she wanted them out of the house, so we compromised we renovated an addition to the house that is now the snake room. We both got what we wanted..But I'll tell you, she wouldn't have ever left me or asked me to get rid of them..

Independance in a woman is a very sexy trait. Most stable men like a women that while she doesn't have to have him around to live she can't live with out him..

You see, I even told him that moving in together was for something to think about in the way future. And that if we ever did, I'd try to have my own room for the reptiles so he didn't have to deal with them. He just said that there was no way he was going to give a whole room to animals, it was a waste of space.

Being independant is really all I have left after that I have been through, I don't depend on anyone but my family and a few friends I've known for years.

You may want to have someone with you, perhaps waiting in the car or outside, when you do break up with this guy. If things go bad, they could go very bad. Try to bring a guy, a big one, not one of your girlfriends.

It's already been a really rough day, been talking to him on and off explaining how I am feeling about everything but he is just getting mad and not listening. I do have a couple bigger guy friends, mainly my guy best friend that he had told me he didn't like from the get go.

You are worth more then that Laura!!! You have to know you are worth more then that and that you deserve better!! And if you don't I am telling you. We are all telling you. All this has happened in only two months just think about two years from now when he is really comfortable. I am sure he is a great guy minus these things you brought up but do you really want to compromise all this even though you deserve better? You don't want any one controlling you or telling you what to do. You have to think, do you want to live your life being you or do you want to live your life being the person this guy wants you to be? That has to be a rough existance. As a female the guy should treat you like a queen and not the way he is doing now. He does not have to like or be into the things you are but he does need to respect and accept that it is a part of who you are. I think you deserve so much better. You did just fine looking for this guy and you will do quite fine up until you find a better one!!! Good luck with whatever you decide to do

Thanks, that really means a lot.

First of all don't move in with him. That's WAY too soon. He doesn't want you do be independent...so does that mean he wants you to be dependent upon him so he can control you? Maybe I'm off, but that's what it sounds like. I can't believe that after only 2 months of dating he's already saying that sort of stuff. You should still be in the "puppies and rainbows" stage when everything is nice and sweet and each of you keep your opinions to yourselves. Heck, I think I was in that stage for almost a year! We are on year four, bought a house, and engaged now. Arguments are healthy, but name calling or bashing is not. At no point is it ok to do one of those things in an argument, IMO. It's not that hard to have a civil argument with someone if you love them.

I wouldn't say it unless you asked for my opinion, but since you did I think you should look for someone new. If it's already rocky at two months, I don't see it lasting. At least not if you want to keep your dignity and self pride. Keep your pets, you'll find someone wonderful who treats you right and supports your hobby (or at least accepts it)!

My fiance didn't support my hobby, only accepted it, but he is starting to support it and plans on coming to Tinely with me

I wish I could be as lucky as some of you and find someone who is like that.


Thank you all so much for all the support and advice, it means a lot. Wish a lot of you were closer to me. But I hope we can meet if anyone goes to tinley in october. I'll update you on how things go, because he's not happy right now and I'm trying not to fall apart.

[Blightedchemist]

Good luck Laura! we are all here for you!
And some of us live like 30 minutes away!

[Ash]

I'd say you should not tolerate being condescended to for one minute more. If the only way he can earn your respect is to make you feel crappy about yourself, he obviously doesn't have much to really offer you. He's trying to make you value your relationship with him more than you value yourself. Yes, it feels nice to be liked by another person, but it's all for nothing if all they want to do is control you. If he is making fun of you, telling you what you can and cannot do, and attacking your self-esteem by telling you your hobby is just an emotional crutch, he isn't even worth a second glance. You needn't place so much value on another person's attention, especially somebody who treats you with such disrespect. Put him in his place. You can tell you aren't happy, and that alone is reason enough to dump him.

[Nate]

I'd make like a ball...and bounce.

shewt. If I had a girlfriend that was into reptiles and we were bout to move in together, I'd be all about it.

But thats me...I love reptiles so it makes sense to me. Folks that aren't into reptiles just don't "get it" - and that's fine, but, respect what I love. That's all I ask.

However it turns out - I wish you the best of luck. Hopefully it won't turn ugly. Stay strong and don't give in to nonsense

[Foschi Exotic Serpents]

Blightedchemist (Ken), Kaorte (Steffe), Me, Joe pythons, we all live right down the rd from you! There are a bunch more members in the northern IL area that I dont know to. We will definately meet up at NARBC and our group will be bigger this yr.

[Blightedchemist]

Absolutely Monica! Shoot we don't need to wait for NARBC to get together!

[ColdBloodedCarnival]

You'll make the right decision. It may not be easy (relationships rarely are) but it's very obvious that you have many friends around here that are here for you. GOOD LUCK!!!

[mr. s]

I feel crappy. He doesn't like doing what I do, only wants me out drinking every night with his friends. It's taking a toll on me, I work a lot and i'm exhausted. Mentally and physically.

Call it quits. Being with someone that doesn't like to do what you do and love what you love doesn't sound worth it. I mean, what do you talk about?!

On the other hand, I think that being in a relationship can help us grow into the people we would like to be. Our other half should encourage us to grow. We should WANT to change, but change into a better person, not a different person.

Best of luck.