Ladies of Bp.Net, I need some help.

[shescountry89]

Excellent advice above. However, here's one more aspect. I can't speak from firsthand experience, but I've a friend who started off the same way, and six months later we started seeing the bruises. Controlling like this is often the first step towards abuse. I'm not saying he is an abuser, but don't get sucked in. You have years to find the right guy, and you will find one who is all this guy is and more, who will not only deal with your passions but take them as his own.

I've thought about this, because he does have a temper and hates being disrespected. He's joked around about... stuff if I am 'jokingly' being sarcastic with him he'll say something like "Woman don't make me slap you, did you just say that to me?"

Shall I do more than highlight it?

You already know whats ups. He made you happy and you thought he was different because he was "woooing" you. Now 2 months later he is trying the controlling thing. I dont see it as a definate sign of impending abuse only because he may be the one who is dependant. So dependant on you that he can have it no other way. It actually sounds like he is trying to fullfill his own insecurities without appearing less manly. I actually had a boyfriend just like this. He wouldnt hurt a fly and never would have raised a hand or a voice to me, but he was very insecure and had a subtle control over me. Wanting to know what I was doing 24/7 and getting suspicious if I was anywhere without him. Difference is, my ex accepted my hobbies. Wether he agreed or not so It wasnt the exact same as your situation.

It is definately a bad sign though. Either he will become controlling and possibly abusive, or he will be an untrusting, insecure wreck if you are not glued to him. Niether is good. Just dont let him push you into anything. He says move in, you say no, thats that. If he continues to get worse you will need nothing more from him.

Your animals are your life and soul. Anyone who loves you would love your passions and the way they make you smile. Because seeing your significant other just light up when they see something like that, should make anyone in their presence smile. The happiness a passion and hobby like this can bring a person is contagious. In my mind, even if my boyfriend couldnt stand snakes, if he saw me smile at a beautiful animal and comment on it, he should at least be happy that Im happy. Otherwise there is something inhuman about him and I dont want to be with that person.

This was the red blinking light in your original post for me.

What sort of long term relationship can you have with another person who doesn't even share common interests with you?

You are a beautiful young lady. I'm not sure how old you are, but I can tell you when I was in my early 20's, I went through a period of very low self esteem and thought that I "needed" to have a man in my life to be truly happy.

It took me being alone for 3 years (during my mid/late 20's) to learn to love myself. To do things for ME - to be selfish for ME. To acknowledge to myself that I did not NEED a man in my life to be an incredible woman in my own right.

Karl (who I have been with for 14 years now) does not have the same passion that I have for the reptiles, but never once has he told me that I can't add a new animal, or that I have to get rid of any of them. He doesn't care so much for the shows, but he LOVES going to the shows for the social aspect of it. Most shows we go to are out of town and weekend get aways, and he loves the folks (many of them from here) that we've met through this hobby. He even asks when the next show is. I think he looks forward to seeing the people we've met through this hobby as much as I do.

Bottom line - drop him - the warning signs are all there about his controlling nature, in month TWO no less. It can only lead to resentment and hard feelings in the long term. Cut your ties, and start doing things for YOU. If you like to volunteer, start to do more of that in your community - you never know who you might meet who also has a giving spirit - though don't volunteer as a means to meet someone, that would just be a pleasant possibility if it were to happen.

You will be fine! I promise!

I am 21 years old, I was raised not to be dependant on someone.. and i've done my best to not do that, and he's asking me to take down walls that i've built my whole life because of experiences I've had. Like it means nothing.

Thank you guys so much for replying, it mean's a lot. I just need to get the guts to actually confront him about this, and see how he takes it and tell him straight up how I feel. If he isn't going to accept the things I love, and just sit and for once listen to me then I guess he can go looking for a girl who will be his personal puppy dog.