Quote Originally Posted by PghBall View Post
Don't know you and your ex's situation with custody and all. But, I'll assume that you share some sort of physical custody with him since you do have contact (or it seems you do from your OP). If you have some sort of physical custody, I'll also assume that you have some legal custody as well. First and foremost, the courts usually look out for the best interest of children when placing custody with the parents. Unless an agreement is made between the parties beforehand. Smoking, although not against the law, would in my op not be in the best interests of the child due to potential health risks. Not that I am an opponent of smokers, I have friends that smoke and I used to smoke years back but have quit. Your Ex, if condoning this behavior, is setting a bad example for your daughter (and siblings if there are any). I would continue to voice your concerns to both your Ex and your daughter. If he shuts you out or ignores your concerns, there is always mods that can be made to custody arrangements. I am not telling you to start a war, but if civil communication is not an option, the latter may be your only means to look after her best interests. I too have a rocky relationship with my ex, and do not talk to her unless it is regarding my children. When regarding my children, I try to put my feelings on hold and deal with the problem at hand. Afterwards, I can go back to disliking her as I wish.
While I agree with you to a certain extent, I think that we don't know the OPs situation and there are likely other factors that we don't know about that necessitated the current arrangement. I agree that the focus should be on the best interests of the child, but I don't advocate going through the courts to settle disagreements about day to day care. If there is no threat to the child's immediate well being, don't expect the courts to do anything, at least not quickly. You could be waiting months or longer to even get in front of a judge, who would more likely refer the parents to a mediator rather than effect a change in custody. Also, the courts would take the child's age into consideration. At 16 years old, the likelihood of being granted a change of residential custody over something like smoking is practically nil... Do what you can do and try to be content in the knowledge that you are doing everything that is within your power.