I have come a long way the past couple of years rebuilding after my ex cheated and left me while at work. I know I should let it go. I love her in this amazing way, but she left and was so angry.

History,

About 5 years ago went through a job loss and I was doing everything I could to take care of us (including her daughter). I was on the road almost 7 days a week. This was hard on us as a couple. I wanted to get back in my career field that I had 15+ years invested and landed a position 2 states away. We agreed as a family to make the move as a family. We were living in a hotel till we found a place and got a couple of paychecks. We were always upset over money problems then and was especially hard to say no to simple things that we needed but could do without (deodorant, toothpaste, simple things). Everything went to food and roof over out head. She always had these "friends" she would call or hang out with. After 4 days at the new job and us in the hotel, she disappeared while I was at work. Only my things left in the hotel. She turned off her phone and would not communicate. My work paid for the phones.


I was devastated. She was and still is my love. I almost left society behind and ran off to Costa Rica camping for a month. Living off the land eating what I could find. Cloud my husky was my only companion in the jungle. Saw so many great things and lived an amazing life for that month but something was missing. Her. I was so free. Paradise was lonely.

Now.....

I have been back in my career field for almost 2 years now and doing really well with money and moved into management. Things are really taking off. I live in a place that I enjoy and am shopping for a house to settle down. My girlfriend knows about her. She is wonderful but I just cant move on. I am thinking about ending the relationship with my girlfriend as a result of the feelings I still have for my ex.

To make things more confusing emotionally, the ex is messaging me and asking for us to pick things back up. My heart is going so many directions of fear and anger and hope and...... so many things. I want so much, but I know truth. I know who she is. I know how she was. I know how she will be. The sad part is even in knowing, I still love her.

I am venting some of the emotion more than anything. I know what I want to do and what I should do. Toss your thoughts and I will listen.