Personal, venting.... so fustrating.....

[Pengil]

Having been through a situation with many similarities to yours, I would, hands down, not advise going back to your ex. You can definitely forgive her, but that doesn't mean you have to, or should, go back to her. Instead of thinking of it in terms of potential self-preservation, try to think of it as something that would be good for the growth of both of you: You are saving yourself from being used, manipulated, and (probably) cheated on again, while she desperately needs, NEEDS to learn that she can't just rebuild bridges after burning them down. As much as it sucks, ultimately, you win, she wins, and whomever the two of you end up actually dating will win as well.

First loves are tough, especially if it was fairly long-term, and especially if the breakup wasn't mutual. I feel you on so many levels with this, and my words come from my own experience. Block the ex, have someone you trust delete her phone number. Tell your current girlfriend how you've been feeling, and give her the option to move on if you're undecided what to do there (this sounds sucky, but it is so much less cruel for her than walking a tightrope and wondering whether or not she'll be dumped for someone else when she wakes up every day). Lean on your friends, cry if you need to, and consider looking into some sort of counseling or therapy to help you resolve your feelings about your ex and the fallout of those feelings. In another 5 years, I bet you'll end up being really, really happy with yourself.