Completely devastated

Well I have been with my fiance for over two and a half years. She's everything to me, she's my whole world. She's the reason I get up every morning. She's the first thing I think about every morning when I wake up and the last thing I think about before I go to sleep at night. I love her so much more than words could ever express. Here's the thing. She lives in Memphis, TN and I live in East TN. The one time i've seen her in person I drove 400+ miles as soon as I got off work at what 11:00 p.m. on no sleep and nothing to eat. This was also when I proposed to her. Well the problem is that her mother HATES me and has cut off contact several times, though she's only been successful maybe two times before now. She is sixteen years old and I am nineteen years old. Please no comments about the age difference, it's only three years and I love her more than my life. We will be together until one of us dies I can guarantee that 100%. Anyways the longest we've gone without talking was about two months and that was last year. The last time it was six weeks until she found a friend with a phone to call and text me. Well her friend has just informed me that her mother found out we've been talking, AGAIN. She said that she can't talk to me any more and that her mother asked her (the friend) parents to block my phone number. I have gotten so used to talking her every day during the week anyways. This is the major reason why I hate weekends and love Mondays. I just have this terrible feeling that she won't find a way to talk to me this time and that I will not be able to talk to her for the next two years...; Thank you for taking the time to read this and I hope you're having a better day than me :(

You proposed to her the first time you ever saw her? How long ago was that?

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Originally Posted by adamsky27

You proposed to her the first time you ever saw her? How long ago was that?

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That was after we'd been together for two years. We'd been engaged before that it just wasn't official until then.

You're both young, and she's more of a child than you. I'm sorry, I might get burned over this, but a 16 year old is physically not capable of "true love". The brain isn't even fully developed until your mid 20's. I "loved" my ex husband at 17 too...it's not the same now. I suggest if there is ANY chance of a relationship that you grant her parents wishes and stay away. When she's actually an adult she make make decisions for herself. If she waits and you wait, then it may be worth it. If not, then maybe it was the best for the both of you. Good luck in whatever you decide. I'm not trying to be harsh, just being honest...

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Originally Posted by LGray23

You're both young, and she's more of a child than you. I'm sorry, I might get burned over this, but a 16 year old is physically not capable of "true love". The brain isn't even fully developed until your mid 20's. I "loved" my ex husband at 17 too...it's not the same now. I suggest if there is ANY chance of a relationship that you grant her parents wishes and stay away. When she's actually an adult she make make decisions for herself. If she waits and you wait, then it may be worth it. If not, then maybe it was the best for the both of you. Good luck in whatever you decide. I'm not trying to be harsh, just being honest...

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Well you're wrong, sorry to tell you but that's the truth. If I don't get better comments than this i'll just stick to herps and never post on off-topic cafe again...

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Originally Posted by evan385

Well you're wrong, sorry to tell you but that's the truth. If I don't get better comments than this i'll just stick to herps and never post on off-topic cafe again...

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Just because they aren't what you wanted to hear doesn't make them "bad comments". I'm not trying to be a downer, I'm just being honest. According to the law, and mentally, she is considered a kid, therefore she needs to abide by her parents rules. You, as an adult lawfully, should respectfully back off. If nothing else it will show maturity, and may do more "good" in the long run...

There is no way of internet contact etc???? Long distance relationships I could never understand but I respect them I just had a buddy meet and talk to a girl on Xbox Live went to see her for a week, just got back last week and informed me when he got back that he is moving in with her and her parents and he left this past fri. Aside from that I can relate to parents interfering with a relationship. I have known my wife since I was in the 8th grade and her in the 7th we dated on and off through high school and got series her senior year through high school. Starting her senior year in high school up until we moved in together 3 years ago her dad tried to and did control what we did. He wouldnt let her take take her car out when we make plans for a date ( i didnt drive at the time). He would call he while we were out and make her come home. At the end of the day I realized he wanted the best for her daughter and that he didnt want me to mess up her with college.So after me blabbing my advice is be patient, she will find a way to contact you. and if you come into contact with her mother or family and you know they dont like you kill them with kindness dont make them dislike you anymore.

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Originally Posted by LGray23

You're both young, and she's more of a child than you. I'm sorry, I might get burned over this, but a 16 year old is physically not capable of "true love". The brain isn't even fully developed until your mid 20's. I "loved" my ex husband at 17 too...it's not the same now. I suggest if there is ANY chance of a relationship that you grant her parents wishes and stay away. When she's actually an adult she make make decisions for herself. If she waits and you wait, then it may be worth it. If not, then maybe it was the best for the both of you. Good luck in whatever you decide. I'm not trying to be harsh, just being honest...

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In respect for the guy he asked not to comment about the age. As for your theory on "TRUE LOVE " not be capable until mid 20's I take offense to that. I have been with my wife for the past 7 years, married, own a home and planning a child together.
As for you Evan, there is no reason NOT to share things you want on here but NOTE there are always going to be people that will aggravate you.

Hate to break it to you Evan, but LGray is right. When you are older you will understand more.

Tough Love: Move on.

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Originally Posted by PolishPython

In respect for the guy he asked not to comment about the age. As for your theory on "TRUE LOVE " not be capable until mid 20's I take offense to that. I have been with my wife for the past 7 years, married, own a home and planning a child together.
As for you Evan, there is no reason NOT to share things you want on here but NOTE there are always going to be people that will aggravate you.

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Thank you for your wonderful reply, that made me feel somewhat better. She's always found a way in the past and i'm sure she will now. No idea how long that will be but hopefully it will be soon. In the meantime I will be able to focus much more time and energy on my ball pythons and I will use my love for them as a way to vent my frustrations of not being able to talk to my girl. While LGray23 has some great input of the normal herp forum I am very offended by her comment and have decided to put her on my ignore list. If L could see into my heart and see the way I feel about her (and she loves me as much as I do her..if not more) she would understand and realize that she is wrong. Anyways thank you and have a great day :)

Without highjacking the thread and starting drama. The people that will give you negative comments on here , in person or anywhere else are people who jumped into a relationship at a young age and couldnt handle it so they think EVERYONE cant handle it. Dont be stopped by "Haters". and "Tough Love" is BULL !!!!!
"

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Originally Posted by evan385

Thank you for your wonderful reply, that made me feel somewhat better. She's always found a way in the past and i'm sure she will now. No idea how long that will be but hopefully it will be soon. In the meantime I will be able to focus much more time and energy on my ball pythons and I will use my love for them as a way to vent my frustrations of not being able to talk to my girl. While LGray23 has some great input of the normal herp forum I am very offended by her comment and have decided to put her on my ignore list. If L could see into my heart and see the way I feel about her (and she loves me as much as I do her..if not more) she would understand and realize that she is wrong. Anyways thank you and have a great day :)

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No problem

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Originally Posted by LGray23

Just because they aren't what you wanted to hear doesn't make them "bad comments". I'm not trying to be a downer, I'm just being honest. According to the law, and mentally, she is considered a kid, therefore she needs to abide by her parents rules. You, as an adult lawfully, should respectfully back off. If nothing else it will show maturity, and may do more "good" in the long run...

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Not necessarily. Her mother has always treated her like she's trash and told her to her face that she was a mistake. She hates her mother and will never see or speak to her again once we're together. I also said not to comment on the age difference.

That's rough. :/

If you two make eachother happy then hey, that's what good for you. :] I won't comment or warn you about ages and all that, my boyfriend's parents met when his mom was 14 and his dad was 18.... they've been married 34 years and are absolutely adorable. Granted, I had a worse 16-year-old experience. lol! Everyone is different.

Anyways, I -do- agree to back off. It sucks. A lot.. and I understand you came here to vent, but maybe try to abide by the parents through winter and then come Spring.. who knows? Maybe they'll see you've made an effort and allow you to be in contact once more! :] I had a friend deal with a similar thing and the parents literally got a restraining order against the guy, so I just think you should be careful.

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Originally Posted by Misfit

That's rough. :/

If you two make eachother happy then hey, that's what good for you. :] I won't comment or warn you about ages and all that, my boyfriend's parents met when his mom was 14 and his dad was 18.... they've been married 34 years and are absolutely adorable. Granted, I had a worse 16-year-old experience. lol! Everyone is different.

Anyways, I -do- agree to back off. It sucks. A lot.. and I understand you came here to vent, but maybe try to abide by the parents through winter and then come Spring.. who knows? Maybe they'll see you've made an effort and allow you to be in contact once more! :] I had a friend deal with a similar thing and the parents literally got a restraining order against the guy, so I just think you should be careful.

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Thank you, yeah it does suck. I'll be with her when i'm eighty something. I don't really care what her mother thinks because she has always treated her like trash. She hates her mother and won't be seeing or talking to her ever again once we're together.

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Originally Posted by Misfit

I won't comment or warn you about ages and all that, my boyfriend's parents met when his mom was 14 and his dad was 18.... they've been married 34 years and are absolutely adorable.

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Ohhhhh! What now LGray23? See you are wrong :D

I realize now that putting LGray23 on my ignore list is a little harsh and i'm sorry. She was only expressing her opinion. She has some very good input on the normal herp forums and I don't want to lose that.

I agree with PolishPython...My parents got married when they were 18 & 21 years old...32 years later they are still very happily married. I have been with my wife for almost 7 years (dating included) and we are now in a similar situation as you (although her parents really like me). We moved to OH for her schooling and now that she has completed her education, she recieved a job offer from a firm back in PA. After a long discussion, we decided it would be best if she accepted the offer. Now until I find a new career back in PA, we are stuck doing the long distance relationship thing. We just alternate weekends visiting each other though.

May I ask why her parents hate you? I have to assume there is a reason?

If it's meant to be, you will make it work.

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Originally Posted by evan385

Ohhhhh! What now LGray23? See you are wrong :D

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This kind of crap makes you look really mature...:gj:

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Originally Posted by DemmBalls

I agree with PolishPython...My parents got married when they were 18 & 21 years old...32 years later they are still very happily married. I have been with my wife for almost 7 years (dating included) and we are now in a similar situation as you (although her parents really like me). We moved to OH for her schooling and now that she has completed her education, she recieved a job offer from a firm back in PA. After a long discussion, we decided it would be best if she accepted the offer. Now until I find a new career back in PA, we are stuck doing the long distance relationship thing. We just alternate weekends visiting each other though.

May I ask why her parents hate you? I have to assume there is a reason?

If it's meant to be, you will make it work.

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At least you get to see each other on the weekends :) Well her mother didn't want her dating as young as she was when we met. Also I hate her guts and hope she dies...she has always treated my girl like she's trash and even told her to her face that she was a mistake. She hates her mother and will not be seeing or talking to her ever again once we're together. It is, I truly believe that she is the other half of my soul :)

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Originally Posted by evan385

Ohhhhh! What now LGray23? See you are wrong :D

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Originally Posted by evan385

I realize now that putting LGray23 on my ignore list is a little harsh and i'm sorry. She was only expressing her opinion. She has some very good input on the normal herp forums and I don't want to lose that.

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When you post here, you are going to get opinions that you may not agree with. What separates someone with maturity from an impulsive little snot is how you handle someone giving you a respectful opinion that you do not agree with. You are engaged in a relationship with someone under the age of consent in your state. That mother of hers can do a hell of a lot more to you than just block your number.

Ms. Gray made an honest attempt to offer you some advice borne of experience. You responded by acting like an ass. Check your head and come correct.

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Originally Posted by PolishPython

Without highjacking the thread and starting drama. The people that will give you negative comments on here , in person or anywhere else are people who jumped into a relationship at a young age and couldnt handle it so they think EVERYONE cant handle it. Dont be stopped by "Haters". and "Tough Love" is BULL !!!!!
"

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Untrue.

My parents married when they were 17. My brother has been married since he was 18. Add me to the list of people who are against an adult pursuing a relationship with a minor, yet realize that it can and does occasionally work.

While it can work, the odds are stacked the other way. Warning someone about that is perfectly okay. Pitching a fit when someone gives you that advice is not.

What is not okay is encouraging an adult to pursue a relationship with a minor against her parent's wishes.

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Originally Posted by evan385

We will be together until one of us dies I can guarantee that 100%.

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Lol you would make a great creepy stalker/axe-murder for halloween. This goes way beyond innocent teenage crush. Someone actually sympathises with you and then you go and block them. I suggest you seek a therapist for some professional help.

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Originally Posted by Skiploder

When you post here, you are going to get opinions that you may not agree with. What separates someone with maturity from an impulsive little snot is how you handle someone giving you a respectful opinion that you do not agree with. You are engaged in a relationship with someone under the age of consent in your state. That mother of hers can do a hell of a lot more to you than just block your number.

Ms. Gray made an honest attempt to offer you some advice borne of experience. You responded by acting like an ass. Check your head and come correct.

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Age of consent if sixteen. Get your facts straight.

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Originally Posted by Skiploder

Untrue.

My parents married when they were 17. My brother has been married since he was 18. Add me to the list of people who are against an adult pursuing a relationship with a minor, yet realize that it can and does occasionally work.

While it can work, the odds are stacked the other way. Warning someone about that is perfectly okay. Pitching a fit when someone gives you that advice is not.

What is not okay is encouraging an adult to pursue a relationship with a minor against her parent's wishes.

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You however I do not know and have no need for your input. I have no problem putting you on my ignore list.

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Originally Posted by Andrew00

Lol you would make a great creepy stalker/axe-murder for halloween. This goes way beyond innocent teenage crush. Someone actually sympathises with you and then you go and block them. I suggest you seek a therapist for some professional help.

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It's called soul mates and you took that the wrong way. Also putting you on ignore as I have not read any of your posts.

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Originally Posted by evan385

Age of consent if sixteen. Get your facts straight.

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Age of consent is 18 in Tennessee.

http://www.sexlaws.org/answer_board_...age_of_consent

Get your facts straight kid.

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Originally Posted by evan385

You however I do not know and have no need for your input. I have no problem putting you on my ignore list.

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Is that some sort of threat?

I'd be honored to make your ignore list.

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Originally Posted by Skiploder

Age of consent is 18 in Tennessee.

http://www.sexlaws.org/answer_board_...age_of_consent

Get your facts straight kid.

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No it is not. It's 16 ask anyone who lives in TN.

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Originally Posted by Skiploder

Is that some sort of threat?

I'd be honored to make your ignore list.

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I won't cuss you like I want to. I'm not getting banned for your sake.

I will think long and hard before I post on this forum again. Could a moderator please close this thread?

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Originally Posted by evan385

I also said not to comment on the age difference.

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First off, you don't get to pick what we comment on. She is 16. That means you started dating she was probably 13 or 14... You would have been probably 17 or 18. She is a minor. You are an adult... and that puts you in the wrong from the start. Can't find someone your own age that likes you???

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Originally Posted by evan385

She's everything to me, she's my whole world. She's the reason I get up every morning. She's the first thing I think about every morning when I wake up and the last thing I think about before I go to sleep at night. I love her so much more than words could ever express..

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You think this sounds cute, but it doesn't. It sounds like you have serious issues, and you should know that things posted in a public forum can be traced back to you, and used against you in a court of law if anything ever happens.

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Originally Posted by evan385

I love her more than my life. We will be together until one of us dies I can guarantee that 100%. .

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I hope the mom sees this and seeks legal action.

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Originally Posted by evan385

She hates her mother and will never see or speak to her again once we're together...

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Originally Posted by evan385

She hates her mother and won't be seeing or talking to her ever again once we're together.

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Originally Posted by evan385

I hate her guts and hope she dies...

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Originally Posted by evan385

She hates her mother and will not be seeing or talking to her ever again once we're together. .

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Absolutely NOT. Who do you think you are? This kind of talk needs to be reported to the local authorities. This is very threatening in nature and is absoutley unacceptable.

That is HER daughter. She brought her into this world, and you can bet she will be around long after you are gone.

I can't say what I would really like to say right now because it is against the TOS of this site. I only hope that somehow this threads finds its way to the mom so she can use your crazy talk against you to protect her daughter.

It's three years! An eighty year old man can marry an eighteen year old and that's okay but god forbid I be engaged to a girl that is three years younger! I may just leave BP.net after all the BS this thread is getting me >.<

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Originally Posted by evan385

She is sixteen years old and I am nineteen years old. (

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And actually your profile lists you as being 20 years old... if you met her 2 and a half years ago, that would probably make her 13 and a half, and you 18 when you started "dating".

So let me guess... now that you are really 20, does that make her really 15?

http://i1136.photobucket.com/albums/...anaphoto/a.jpg

By the way her mother has always treated her like she's trash. She's told her to her face that she was a mistake. She beats her, she's burnt her with cigarettes, she's cut her, she's extremely verbally and mentally abusive as well. I can't count how many times I have had to stop her from killing herself because she can't take it any more. I am the only reason that she is alive today! Who do YOU think YOU are?

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Originally Posted by evan385

I won't cuss you like I want to. I'm not getting banned for your sake.

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You're probably better of putting me on the ignore list, Beav.

Your veneer of maturity and self control has completely slipped off.

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Originally Posted by Mike Cavanaugh

And actually your profile lists you as being 20 years old... if you met her 2 and a half years ago, that would probably make her 13, and you 18 when you started "dating".

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Can you say Class E Felony?

Say it ain't so Mikey!

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Originally Posted by Mike Cavanaugh

And actually your profile lists you as being 20 years old... if you met her 2 and a half years ago, that would probably make her 13, and you 18 when you started "dating".

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I am actually nineteen years old. I was seventeen and she was fourteen when we met. I am going to be completely honest with you right now okay? I thought she was my age when we met. She had it on her profile that she was seventeen. I didn't find out that she was fourteen when we met until her mom told me after we had been dating for about six months and by then I already loved her so much and couldn't just break it off...

oh.

I've felt this way about multiple women.

Time passed.

Get it...?

The end.

This thread is locked for now until staff has a chance to discuss.

.......and we're back.

I'm devastated!

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Originally Posted by evan385

I am the only reason that she is alive today!

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WOW. :O Keep it up kid. Your really proving your point now....

Evan, the main concern that adults have when they see "young love" is that the participants of that love may not be mature enough to comprehend a number of realities. CAN young people be in love? Yes, I believe they can. Can such a love blossom into a true, life-long commitment that lasts over the decades of our lives? Yes, it can. BUT, it's extraordinarily rare for it to do so.

I wouldn't dream to presume if the two of you will last into adulthood and beyond, but I DO know the odds are severely against it...for many more reasons than just the ages you've listed.

Genuine commitment...the sort that takes you through ANYthing...even the loss of the "feelings" that are so potent right now...takes a great deal of maturity. You haven't exactly inspired confidence in your audience that you have that kind of maturity.

Fortunately for you, it doesn't really matter what anyone here thinks or says. Your reality is your reality, no matter what we say. But some of us TRY to say a few things that we HOPE might help you to think with a little more clarity and introspection. Only when you're willing to face the realities of the world, will you be able to overcome them.

So i've been thinking. In a last ditch effort to see if I can get her mother to like me i'm just gonna back off until she turns eighteen. Also I don't need any unnecessary trouble. If she still wants to be with me when she turns eighteen then it's meant to be and it will be.

I never bother ot look for my love we met on here and atre both in our 30s. You both could always create a yahoo chatting programs ( if she got computer and chat that way )
it only a possible idea to look at by using a single id for chatting.

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Originally Posted by evan385

So i've been thinking. In a last ditch effort to see if I can get her mom to like me i'm just gonna back off until she turns eighteen. Also I don't need any unnecessary trouble. If she still wants to be with me when she turns eighteen then it's meant to be and it will be.

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How about this Evan:

If her mom is really that abusive, the best thing you can do for her is to encourage her to report that abuse.

Becoming friends with a person who allegedly abuses her isn't going to help her one bit. Helping to stop the abuse or getting her to counselor who can give her tools to deal with her upbringing and her suicide talk is the best thing you can do for her.

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Originally Posted by Mike Cavanaugh

WOW. :O Keep it up kid. Your really proving your point now....

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I'm sorry Mike, I tend to get immature when I am angry and frustrated. I respect your opinion and hope that we can speak on better terms later on. I realize that I need to grow up and start acting my age, and not let things bother me so much. Thank you.

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Originally Posted by Skiploder

How about this Evan:

If her mom is really that abusive, the best thing you can do for her is to encourage her to report that abuse.

Becoming friends with a person who allegedly abuses her isn't going to help her one bit. Helping to stop the abuse or getting her to counselor who can give her tools to deal with her upbringing and her suicide talk is the best thing you can do for her.

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She's had other boyfriends in the past and she's actually from what she told me held a knife to her throat and threatened to kill her if the boyfriend came to see her. I would hope that it will stop and they can move on. I don't want her to hate her mother, I want them to have a good healthy relationship and I want her to like me. But I realize that this will probably never happen and that she does need to report it. Thank you. I am not a pedophile, I honestly thought she was my age when we met. I hope we can speak on better terms later on and I am truly sorry for my harsh words toward you.

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Originally Posted by evan385

I am not a pedophile, I honestly thought she was my age when we met.

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But when you find out how old she is, that's when you call it quits. That what an adult would do.

I met this amazing guy (well, he was a manager at a store I worked at - but at a different location, so we didn't know anything about each other).
We both thought we were closer in age.

I was 19 and he turned out to be 29. Even though it wasn't illegal, when we found out about each other's ages, we decided that it wasn't going to work out because we weren't on the same level.