The fact that you know that you can't defend your beliefs gives me hope for you.In all seriousness and with the utmost sincerity I challenge you to DO the research into what others have been able to show. Look at evidence both for and against, but beware of religious scholars, as there are many that would argue as to whether or not theology is an actual field. After all, what do they have to go off of? They have the convenience of not being able analyze evidence let alone being able to conduct an experiment to gather evidence. They simply get to say that this is what has been passed down and that this is what someone else has experienced (the human sensory organs are very good at filling in gaps when not enough data is present to construct a clear picture), which is far from a good source. If you do it, please do so with an open of a mind as is possible. Happy researching!