I'm not on Ike's team

[Mike41793]

Ok, truth time...

Tamale and I used to have a thing and when she left to have a fling with you Mike I got emotional and went to Ike to get even. He gave me the unicorn to come eat you, but I couldn't do it. You're too good of a friend. Now he has kidnapped her, I need help getting her back I love her. No I'm not Jolly Rancher, nor did I play any unicorn games... They were too weird for even me.

Dude did you teach her that thing that she does with the lasso and tabasco sauce...? It was quite 50 shades of grey-ish. For a candy shes quite flexible.

Um lol at that. Like a unicorn could get near me. That thing would be dead in the back of a truck headed to the glue factory quicker than you can say Charleston Chew!

Give me one good reason why i should help u. Youve betrayed me for ike already...