Quote Originally Posted by angllady2 View Post
Take a deep breath my dear. Come on now. Breath in......breath out. There now.

This is a very difficult thing to deal with. Worse I think than if you knew he was dead. At least then you'd have a measure of peace. But never knowing ? Is he hurt ? What if he's sick ? Is he cold ? Does he miss me ? That is the hard part.

There isn't much you can do right now, but comfort yourself with the fact that the odds of his being dead are low. He's got plenty of places to hide, food sources, and water. The difficult part is waiting for him to decide he's ready to come back. It could be weeks, months, possibly even a year or longer. It will take effort on your part. You have to accept that he doesn't want to be found yet. You must willfully let him go about his business until he decides he's ready.

Now, about making yourself so miserable. I know it hurts to have him gone. It hurts as much as loosing a family member, because that's what he is. But grieving yourself sick isn't going to help him or bring him back sooner. As hard as it is hon, you need to find a way to accept that he's not ready to come back yet. Don't give up on him, no. But find a way to deal with his absence. Comfort yourself with the fact that he has to be comfortable, or you'd have found evidence of him by now. And don't despair he won't be able to find his way out of wherever he gets himself. I've seen photographs here of a ball python going straight up a cinderblock wall. I'm not joking.

Yes, it's hard. Goodness knows it's hard. But if you don't find a way to accept this, and you get really sick, then what will happen to your baby ? You already know hubby isn't as worried as you are. He couldn't care less he's gone or if he comes home. If you get sick and end up in the hospital, hubby would never even notice if he came out. For his sake as well as your own you must be strong now.

You know, right now my dog has cancer. He's a puppy mill rescue. We've had him with us for 9 years now, and we love him dearly. But this cancer is fast growing, and incurable. We get to watch our baby waste away. We can see the tumors growing day by day, we watch how hard it is for him to move and now even breathe. And there is nothing we can do to stop it. So yes, I know exactly how you feel about Alice. And yes I know how much it hurts that he's gone. But at least you have the chance he'll come back.

Be strong my love, and know you aren't alone. I am right here with you.

Gale
Thank you, Gale.

Two of my rescue dogs passed away within the last year.
[rescuing dogs is my other "thing"]

Jack made it to 14 before Lyme nephritis destroyed his kidneys.
He had a very happy life, considering.

Phoebe, on the other hand [Jack's niece] was a train wreck from day 1.
She did pretty well for about 7 years but her final two were a never-ending round of immune system issues.
Although she was happy and ate well, she just wasted away and there wasn't a thing we could do about it.

Even so, she was wildly cheery and playful right up until 2 nights before she passed away.

The night before, we had decided to take her to the vet to let her go and the next morning, I found her curled up as though asleep...but she wasn't.

Her sister Pookie has degenerative myelopathy and can't get around very well.
I think I suffer more than she does.
She gets low dose Prednisone for her discs so we're watching her cautiously but hopefully.

She still 'laughs' and wants 'silly rubs' on her face and head and seems otherwise content...but it's hard.

I'm so sorry about your boy.
I've been down that road so many times in the last 40 years that I can find my way, blind-folded.

It never gets "easier" but I'll always, again, as Kipling put it, "Give my heart to a dog, to tear" until I shuffle off my own mortal coils.

It might sound silly but the one thing I did to cope was to put Ozzy in Alice's home.
Alice was annoyed with his 'lack of space' but Ozzy is reveling in it.
[he broke his four month fast so amazingly that's he begging for food every time I walk by, now]

I also wrote on the front "Alice doesn't live here any more".

[I thought maybe jealousy might bring him out]

Silly, I know but I'm trying to cope as best I can.