Sorrow. [Need shoulders to cry on]

[Salamander Rising]

Alice still hasn't shown up.
There's no sign of him anywhere.
Not so much as a tiny disturbance in all the flour scattered everywhere around bowls of water, heating pads or mice.

Hubby pulled the trailer up to the house and parked it under the upstairs window and I'm tearing everything apart, literally piece by piece and throwing much of it away, just in case he got up there, somehow.

I have an infrared security camera set up in the false wall where the hole goes under the house.

I 'caught' a mouse wandering around in there...and nothing else.

I switched to talcum powder because the mice were eating the flour and cornstarch and gave me false hope when I saw it had been disturbed.

There's no way to see inside the log walls or between the floors/ceilings.

There are so many places he could've gotten into and never find his way back out again.

I am sinking into despair.

I hurt so badly.

My chest is always hurting, my stomach has hollow ache that won't go away and the crying has switched to the silent grieving that accompanies hopelessness.

I knew I loved him dearly but I didn't know how very much so.

I'm not looking for new suggestions...I've followed every one given me to the letter and still haven't seen a single indication that he's here.

I guess I just need comfort from those who understand what it is to love a snake this much.



Thanks for listening.

Shari

p.s. the super pastel with the 'smiley face' arrives Thursday.
I thought he would cheer me up but it's like putting a BandAid over a sucking chest wound.
It helps, but not much.

[WingedWolfPsion]

Easy, now--it's unlikely that the guy is dead. He's just missing! He has mice to eat. He is a snake, he can find his way out if he wants to. If you can't find him, then just wait. Wait, and remember that wild ball pythons can go 6 months or more without food. That they like to sit and wait. That they can take weeks or months to adapt to a change in environment. He may come wandering back out once he feels secure enough to explore, you know. It doesn't sound like he will lack for a source of water, or food. Chances are, he is ok.

Relax--it's true, it may be a long time before you see him again, but that doesn't mean he isn't there. It's clear you have done all you can--now it's time to wait--ball pythons are patient, and that's a lesson they can teach us, too.

[Royal Hijinx]

The problem I am seeing here is that this seems to be affecting your health. You really have to relax and as was said try to be patient. At this point it is out of your control. It is not worth it to make yourself physically ill. The snake will return if and when it wants to. The majority seem to be found, even after a long while. Rarely do these stories turn out for the worst.


I do not want to sound mean, but this does seem like a bit of an extreme reaction, and you may need help, outside of this board, to relax and get perspective. I see it a lot in my line of work where people worry themselves into the hospital over things they cannot control.

[Salamander Rising]

Easy, now--it's unlikely that the guy is dead. He's just missing! He has mice to eat. He is a snake, he can find his way out if he wants to. If you can't find him, then just wait. Wait, and remember that wild ball pythons can go 6 months or more without food. That they like to sit and wait. That they can take weeks or months to adapt to a change in environment. He may come wandering back out once he feels secure enough to explore, you know. It doesn't sound like he will lack for a source of water, or food. Chances are, he is ok.

Relax--it's true, it may be a long time before you see him again, but that doesn't mean he isn't there. It's clear you have done all you can--now it's time to wait--ball pythons are patient, and that's a lesson they can teach us, too.

Thank you, dear friend.
I pray you're right.

[Salamander Rising]

The problem I am seeing here is that this seems to be affecting your health. You really have to relax and as was said try to be patient. At this point it is out of your control. It is not worth it to make yourself physically ill. The snake will return if and when it wants to. The majority seem to be found, even after a long while. Rarely do these stories turn out for the worst.


I do not want to sound mean, but this does seem like a bit of an extreme reaction, and you may need help, outside of this board, to relax and get perspective. I see it a lot in my line of work where people worry themselves into the hospital over things they cannot control.

I have GAD and PTSD, neither of which is very helpful right now.

"Worry" is my middle name.



I have meds and a support dog.
Usually that's enough but this is a tough one to deal with.

[the average doctor is *not* going to be terribly sympathetic because you're stressing over a lost (gasp!) snake]

You guys are pretty much my only support group for this 'issue'.

[angllady2]

Take a deep breath my dear. Come on now. Breath in......breath out. There now.

This is a very difficult thing to deal with. Worse I think than if you knew he was dead. At least then you'd have a measure of peace. But never knowing ? Is he hurt ? What if he's sick ? Is he cold ? Does he miss me ? That is the hard part.

There isn't much you can do right now, but comfort yourself with the fact that the odds of his being dead are low. He's got plenty of places to hide, food sources, and water. The difficult part is waiting for him to decide he's ready to come back. It could be weeks, months, possibly even a year or longer. It will take effort on your part. You have to accept that he doesn't want to be found yet. You must willfully let him go about his business until he decides he's ready.

Now, about making yourself so miserable. I know it hurts to have him gone. It hurts as much as loosing a family member, because that's what he is. But grieving yourself sick isn't going to help him or bring him back sooner. As hard as it is hon, you need to find a way to accept that he's not ready to come back yet. Don't give up on him, no. But find a way to deal with his absence. Comfort yourself with the fact that he has to be comfortable, or you'd have found evidence of him by now. And don't despair he won't be able to find his way out of wherever he gets himself. I've seen photographs here of a ball python going straight up a cinderblock wall. I'm not joking.

Yes, it's hard. Goodness knows it's hard. But if you don't find a way to accept this, and you get really sick, then what will happen to your baby ? You already know hubby isn't as worried as you are. He couldn't care less he's gone or if he comes home. If you get sick and end up in the hospital, hubby would never even notice if he came out. For his sake as well as your own you must be strong now.

You know, right now my dog has cancer. He's a puppy mill rescue. We've had him with us for 9 years now, and we love him dearly. But this cancer is fast growing, and incurable. We get to watch our baby waste away. We can see the tumors growing day by day, we watch how hard it is for him to move and now even breathe. And there is nothing we can do to stop it. So yes, I know exactly how you feel about Alice. And yes I know how much it hurts that he's gone. But at least you have the chance he'll come back.

Be strong my love, and know you aren't alone. I am right here with you.

Gale

[Salamander Rising]

Take a deep breath my dear. Come on now. Breath in......breath out. There now.

This is a very difficult thing to deal with. Worse I think than if you knew he was dead. At least then you'd have a measure of peace. But never knowing ? Is he hurt ? What if he's sick ? Is he cold ? Does he miss me ? That is the hard part.

There isn't much you can do right now, but comfort yourself with the fact that the odds of his being dead are low. He's got plenty of places to hide, food sources, and water. The difficult part is waiting for him to decide he's ready to come back. It could be weeks, months, possibly even a year or longer. It will take effort on your part. You have to accept that he doesn't want to be found yet. You must willfully let him go about his business until he decides he's ready.

Now, about making yourself so miserable. I know it hurts to have him gone. It hurts as much as loosing a family member, because that's what he is. But grieving yourself sick isn't going to help him or bring him back sooner. As hard as it is hon, you need to find a way to accept that he's not ready to come back yet. Don't give up on him, no. But find a way to deal with his absence. Comfort yourself with the fact that he has to be comfortable, or you'd have found evidence of him by now. And don't despair he won't be able to find his way out of wherever he gets himself. I've seen photographs here of a ball python going straight up a cinderblock wall. I'm not joking.

Yes, it's hard. Goodness knows it's hard. But if you don't find a way to accept this, and you get really sick, then what will happen to your baby ? You already know hubby isn't as worried as you are. He couldn't care less he's gone or if he comes home. If you get sick and end up in the hospital, hubby would never even notice if he came out. For his sake as well as your own you must be strong now.

You know, right now my dog has cancer. He's a puppy mill rescue. We've had him with us for 9 years now, and we love him dearly. But this cancer is fast growing, and incurable. We get to watch our baby waste away. We can see the tumors growing day by day, we watch how hard it is for him to move and now even breathe. And there is nothing we can do to stop it. So yes, I know exactly how you feel about Alice. And yes I know how much it hurts that he's gone. But at least you have the chance he'll come back.

Be strong my love, and know you aren't alone. I am right here with you.

Gale

Thank you, Gale.

Two of my rescue dogs passed away within the last year.
[rescuing dogs is my other "thing"]

Jack made it to 14 before Lyme nephritis destroyed his kidneys.
He had a very happy life, considering.

Phoebe, on the other hand [Jack's niece] was a train wreck from day 1.
She did pretty well for about 7 years but her final two were a never-ending round of immune system issues.
Although she was happy and ate well, she just wasted away and there wasn't a thing we could do about it.

Even so, she was wildly cheery and playful right up until 2 nights before she passed away.

The night before, we had decided to take her to the vet to let her go and the next morning, I found her curled up as though asleep...but she wasn't.

Her sister Pookie has degenerative myelopathy and can't get around very well.
I think I suffer more than she does.
She gets low dose Prednisone for her discs so we're watching her cautiously but hopefully.

She still 'laughs' and wants 'silly rubs' on her face and head and seems otherwise content...but it's hard.

I'm so sorry about your boy.
I've been down that road so many times in the last 40 years that I can find my way, blind-folded.

It never gets "easier" but I'll always, again, as Kipling put it, "Give my heart to a dog, to tear" until I shuffle off my own mortal coils.

It might sound silly but the one thing I did to cope was to put Ozzy in Alice's home.
Alice was annoyed with his 'lack of space' but Ozzy is reveling in it.
[he broke his four month fast so amazingly that's he begging for food every time I walk by, now]

I also wrote on the front "Alice doesn't live here any more".

[I thought maybe jealousy might bring him out]

Silly, I know but I'm trying to cope as best I can.

[Salamander Rising]

P.S.

This helped a lot!

I've seen photographs here of a ball python going straight up a cinderblock wall.

My greatest fear is that he fell down the old drystone well under the house.

Before new floors were put in, I went down the trapdoor on a rope into that horrible abyss to rescue a cottontail that had fallen in.

It's at least 10 feet deep and the sides are just field stone laid one upon the other.

I didn't know if he could climb it or not but surely it'd be easier to climb than a flat cinderblock wall!

Because the new flooring is tongue and groove sheeting, there's no way [short of a chainsaw] that I can even look down there, now.

[Vasiliki]

Our connection with animals can go deeper than most people imagine. I won't call you silly for mourning the disappearence of your scalie buddy, if you don't call me silly for the times I've cried over a hermit crab

I can echo the words of support that people have said already, but it might only offer temporary comfort in this frustrating situation.

When things like that happened to me (not identical, but situations that reflect similar behavior and emotions in myself), I found it was due to feeling like I wasn't in control, and feeling motherly/protective of something, and feeling like I failed. This would get me so wound up that I would get completely emotional over something that was beyond my control. And underneath it all was frustration, because I couldn't fix it, and I felt like it was all my fault that I couldn't fix it. But still I'd keep trying, which was really just beating my head against a wall.

Frustration is our desire to change something. When we can't change it, we become distraught.

There is a lesson here that he is teaching you, a lesson that maybe you needed to experience with full emotions so that you can learn to cope. I used to have very high anxiety, and I have worked with numerous co-workers who have all sorts of issues. My boyfriend's brother-in-law has PTSD as well. So it's something I'm familiar with being around, although most people don't realize how difficult it really can be for you.

Your snake is teaching you that there will be times in life that we cannot change something. As much as we want to, we have to learn to be stronger not by acting, but by waiting. It's the hardest wait in the world. We'll always sit and wonder: "If I did this, maybe I'd find him?!" You'll find yourself second guessing yourself, getting upset, feeling helpless. And you know what? It's okay to feel like that. It's okay to have a moment where you can't fix something, where we need to learn these hard lessons.

It's when we stop focusing on the negative can we start to accept things. Don't accept that he's gone, but you need to accept that he's just beyond your reach.

I'll go a bit fruity on you here, so if this isn't your thing, feel free to disregard... Animals, large and small, mammal or not, all have the ability to sense something beyond the physical sense. Whether it's a sixth sense or something else, they have a way of knowing or acting that is beyond 'logic'. Just like how some dogs find their way home over thousands and thousands of miles. How? Or how stray cats and dogs and birds and everything else will try to flee a city days before a massive earthquake. Just like those animals can show us there's more to them, there's more to your little guy as well. You've had rescues, so you probably know what I'm talking about when I say there's more to them than you can prove with science. People say they lack emotions, but maybe they just aren't listening or as open to it. Who knows...

Point being, if you've experienced something like that, then you know your little guy knows where you can find him. Some times a dog will run loose for a few days just for the sake of being 'free', but then comes home, happy as can be.

Don't give up hope, but neither should you put your energy and emotions into "I've lost him! It's my fault! He's never coming back."

It's okay. You didn't loose him. He was being a snake. Snakes do that. My corn snake escaped and came back with almost a look of: "Oh, you were looking for me?" If you focus on the negative, then negativity is all you will find. Focus on the positive, try to forgive yourself, know that it's okay and these things happen. You still love the snake. He's not gone forever. He's just gone for the moment. Smile. Take a day off from looking for him. Just take a break. It won't feel better overnight, but these are the building blocks where you can start to build yourself back up.

So I'm here to tell you that it's okay. You don't have to worry. Worry won't help him right now. But a calm, level head and taking a moment to yourself will.

[Salamander Rising]

Our connection with animals can go deeper than most people imagine. I won't call you silly for mourning the disappearence of your scalie buddy, if you don't call me silly for the times I've cried over a hermit crab

I can echo the words of support that people have said already, but it might only offer temporary comfort in this frustrating situation.

When things like that happened to me (not identical, but situations that reflect similar behavior and emotions in myself), I found it was due to feeling like I wasn't in control, and feeling motherly/protective of something, and feeling like I failed. This would get me so wound up that I would get completely emotional over something that was beyond my control. And underneath it all was frustration, because I couldn't fix it, and I felt like it was all my fault that I couldn't fix it. But still I'd keep trying, which was really just beating my head against a wall.

Frustration is our desire to change something. When we can't change it, we become distraught.

There is a lesson here that he is teaching you, a lesson that maybe you needed to experience with full emotions so that you can learn to cope. I used to have very high anxiety, and I have worked with numerous co-workers who have all sorts of issues. My boyfriend's brother-in-law has PTSD as well. So it's something I'm familiar with being around, although most people don't realize how difficult it really can be for you.

Your snake is teaching you that there will be times in life that we cannot change something. As much as we want to, we have to learn to be stronger not by acting, but by waiting. It's the hardest wait in the world. We'll always sit and wonder: "If I did this, maybe I'd find him?!" You'll find yourself second guessing yourself, getting upset, feeling helpless. And you know what? It's okay to feel like that. It's okay to have a moment where you can't fix something, where we need to learn these hard lessons.

It's when we stop focusing on the negative can we start to accept things. Don't accept that he's gone, but you need to accept that he's just beyond your reach.

I'll go a bit fruity on you here, so if this isn't your thing, feel free to disregard... Animals, large and small, mammal or not, all have the ability to sense something beyond the physical sense. Whether it's a sixth sense or something else, they have a way of knowing or acting that is beyond 'logic'. Just like how some dogs find their way home over thousands and thousands of miles. How? Or how stray cats and dogs and birds and everything else will try to flee a city days before a massive earthquake. Just like those animals can show us there's more to them, there's more to your little guy as well. You've had rescues, so you probably know what I'm talking about when I say there's more to them than you can prove with science. People say they lack emotions, but maybe they just aren't listening or as open to it. Who knows...

Point being, if you've experienced something like that, then you know your little guy knows where you can find him. Some times a dog will run loose for a few days just for the sake of being 'free', but then comes home, happy as can be.

Don't give up hope, but neither should you put your energy and emotions into "I've lost him! It's my fault! He's never coming back."

It's okay. You didn't loose him. He was being a snake. Snakes do that. My corn snake escaped and came back with almost a look of: "Oh, you were looking for me?" If you focus on the negative, then negativity is all you will find. Focus on the positive, try to forgive yourself, know that it's okay and these things happen. You still love the snake. He's not gone forever. He's just gone for the moment. Smile. Take a day off from looking for him. Just take a break. It won't feel better overnight, but these are the building blocks where you can start to build yourself back up.

So I'm here to tell you that it's okay. You don't have to worry. Worry won't help him right now. But a calm, level head and taking a moment to yourself will.

Thank you Danielle.

I don't think you're "fruity" at all.
I could tell stories about animals that would have the BP members banding together to have me committed.

But, that's always the way it's always been with animals and me.
The fastest way to get me fired up is to say "But it's just an animal".
I know different.

[I got it from my gramma and people said she was 'nutz', too]

That is what is probably hurting me most...he isn't listening and he isn't 'talking'.

I don't think he wants me to know where he is...at least, for now.

Before, he never 'shut up'.

Mostly he was griping about this house being "too small".

He came from from an 18 inch square 'cubicle' thing to a 40 gallon breeder tank and still didn't feel like he had enough room to stretch out....so I'd put him on my lap, prop my feet up and he'd lay stretched out fully and fall asleep, contented at last.

[and no, the 'too big tank' wasn't stressing him...he was the most mellow, fearless BP ever...apparently too much so]

He wanted more room...and picked a really lousy way to drive the point home.

I sometimes feel mad at him...and then at myself for not 'listening' to him and acting sooner.

I was going to make him a condo like the Boas have.
I watched him sit and stare at Bob roaming around and I'd swear he looked jealous.

But life got in the way and the condos take a good amount of time and money to make and I hadn't gotten around to it.

Thank you for the first part, too.

I am one of those who can never accept what I cannot change.

What if/if only.....ad infinitum.

I will try to accept his lesson.

[and when he comes back, he'll get his stupid condo...with locks that Houdini couldn't pick]



[as for hermit crabs, I can't stand going to the big box store because theirs are never 'happy'. I've seen 'happy' ones at reptile shows but never pet stores..I don't know what the difference is]