cheating

[Vasiliki]

Personal experience:

My ex boyfriend and I (common law at the time) were together for 6 years. It turns out that he had been cheating on me for the past two years of our relationship with a co-worker. He often took shift work and worked graveyards, so he'd say things like: "They're calling me in, I need to go work a double-shift." Yeah. It wasn't a double shift. I found out about this cheating after someone congratulated me on the baby I was going to have. I'm like: "I'm not pregnant..." As such, I pieced it together, found out which co-worker was pregnant and confronted her to ask what was going on.

Turns out he had told her that he'd left me, but that -he- owned the house and -I- refused to leave. Because I couldn't find an apartment or some BS. He made me out to be a bad 'wife' to everyone, apparently. Told them I could never please him, that I was rude and ignored him, etc etc. Truth was, I doted on him hand and foot! So I felt not only hurt by his cheating, but by the fact he told everyone I was a horrible person who treated him badly. Yet I would get up early and cook 'dinner' for him when he got home from his 'graveyard' shifts at 4am. Yep. Horrible 'wife'.

In the end, I realized it was because I wouldn't do certain 'adult' things that he wanted to do, so he went elsewhere to look for it. We broke up, obviously. And the same thing happened.

"It was a mistake. I didn't realize how much I needed you until you weren't there. I treated you badly. Let me show you I've changed!" Blah blah blah.

At first, yes, I wanted to give him a second chance. But as I sat back, I started to realize he didn't always treat me right. He was angry. He had thrown and broke a few things when we were fighting. If he talked crud about me to other people, then did he really care after all? So I told him No. And that just made him try harder to get involved in my life. Including stalking and creating fake Facebook accounts. Asking my friends where I worked, what hours. Calling my boss to try and get me fired so I'd be at my house more often. Just general craziness.

And I'm SO GLAD I never took him back. He could have changed, but every time I said no, he seemed to get more and more angry about it. It's like he only wanted me because he couldn't have me. And while he had me, he wanted someone else. You can't live with a guy like that, because he'll never be 100% honest with himself, and therefore could never be honest with you.

I found out later that he was sleeping with two other girls as well as his new girlfriend (who had his baby). If I had taken him back like he asked, I would've made a huge mistake. He wasn't going to stop what he was doing. He just wanted to have his cake and eat it too.

I believe that some guys can change, but when it comes to this... I believe it isn't as automatic as they made it out to be. "Oh I'll change I'll change!" I doubt that. But maybe in time they can adjust to realize what they want in life.

Cheating is when people are unhappy about something. Until he knows why he was unhappy with his relationship with you, then taking him back will resolve nothing.