cheating

[Skiploder]

Meh, been down that road before, they simply aren't worth it. There IS somebody better out there, keep looking. Maybe I am just a bull headed, but I don't put up with crap.

My husband and a couple co workers were talking about their wives, because one guy had to go home, In the middle of the work day, because his wife couldn't handle their 3 children. He came home and told me about that and I couldn't even believe it. How can you not handle your children, and need your husband to leave work, and come home? He said that, yeah, him and his friend/coworker were talking, and said they would take their strong, independent, stubborn, (sometimes annoying :p) wives that could take care of themselves, and get things done, over a needy whiney one, any day!

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I think you missed my attempt at humor......................

It was, you know, another riff on the whole "I thought you were a dude-but-you're-not thing" , and well, yeah..............there it is.

[Daybreaker]

Cheating (even something as simple as a kiss) is the ultimate deal breaker for me - doesn't matter how long I was with so and so or how much I loved them, that trust is gone and so is the relationship - no questions asked and no ifs, ands, or buts. I say leave him and move on to someone who respects you more. Good luck.

[DooLittle]

I think you missed my attempt at humor......................

It was, you know, another riff on the whole "I thought you were a dude-but-you're-not thing" , and well, yeah..............there it is.

Lol, sorry :p

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[wilomn]

I think you missed my attempt at humor......................

It was, you know, another riff on the whole "I thought you were a dude-but-you're-not thing" , and well, yeah..............there it is.

Unless I've confused her for another Skip, she's a blonde.

I'll let you make of that what you will. All of you.

[JackSprat]

first off im sorry youre fiance cheated on you, ive been there and its very painful. good news: i finally realized i was better off without him. (took me a long time to come to that conclusion) and im sure you will find this out too. youre in a crappy spot emotionally right now. best to let yourself get over the shock and heartache for now and make a decision when youre ready. when i thought about my situation rationally, it struck me that i would have never cheated on him. we obviously didnt have the same commitment to eachother. and when we got back together there was no way i would trust him again. it was miserable. i found someone that i trust 100% now. you could definitely find someone that would be faithful to you. in the meantime do something that makes you feel better. go out with friends, buy a new outfit, treat yourself... just my 2 cents and i really dont mean to be critical or harsh, really wish you the best.
jacky

[Kodieh]

Along with other good advice listed, I'll add my two cents. If he cheated once, what's to stop him again? Had you not left (I'll explain explicitly what I mean in a second) and packed up, would he have begged forgiveness or just gone back into complacency and treated you badly? What I mean is, he seems like the kind of person who doesn't learn or change until after the utmost/end all happens. It would take you and him filing bankruptcy to realize he's bad with money. It would take him get a couple knuckles broken from loan sharks to realize he has a gambling problem. I can make more examples, but what I'm getting at is he's not going to learn a lesson until its just too late. Case in point, you're gone and he "realizes the error of his ways".

My most sincere advice is of you really decide to recommit to the relationship, wade in slowly. He needs to be doing 70% to your 30% of the work in the relationship. Work with him on it, if you so choose, but he damn well better be stepping up to the plate with the intent to swing.

And just the way I think, what if there were kids? What about your and his family? I don't know, I wouldn't do it if it were me.


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[bad-one]

From personal experience- If a man cheats, walk away and never look back.

[rlditmars]

Here's a mans point of view. I have been married 24+ years and have never cheated on my wife. Believe me that in that time we have been through all kinds of highs and lows and everything in between. So I had plenty of excuses for why I could have. The reason I have never cheated is simply that I made a committment and intend to keep it. If the intention changes I will end it before I would be with another person. There is no excuse for cheating. Cheating is a conscious choice one makes and a selfish one at that. I say you are lucky to find out before you are encumbered with the entaglements of marraige. Be done with the bum. There are a million men out there that will treat you badly so if that is what you are looking for you will have no trouble finding another. But if you want something real and committed, you need to look elsewhere. Just my $0.02

[Phiban]

and that he realizes he has treated me like crap for a while now and he would do anything to change...i told him i dont know what to do..i told him he had to tell his "friends" that talked him into cheating on me and the sister of his friend that he cheated on me with to not come around no more

My opinion, this is very telling of him. I highly doubt that his friends talked him in to cheating if he had been treating you badly before. That just feels like a convenient excuse. Leave him, even if you two rebuild your relationship from the ground up it won't be the same. There is an irreplaceable loss of trust you just wouldn't be able to give back to him.

[mainbutter]

do u believe once a cheater always a cheater? if your spouse cheated on you...would you give them another chance in the future? i ask because friday night i found out my fiance cheated on me...and he has been begging for me to forgive him, and told me he didnt know how much he realy loved me and wanted me till i packed my stuff up and left...and that he realizes he has treated me like crap for a while now and he would do anything to change...i told him i dont know what to do..i told him he had to tell his "friends" that talked him into cheating on me and the sister of his friend that he cheated on me with to not come around no more, and that he wanted me and she was a mistake..he did it face to face with all 3 of them....and he changed his number so they couldnt call..but im still not sure if i should walk away from him forever..or be his friend and see if he changess....there are three parts of me ....one says forgive him and he regrets it..i know thats the stupid part of me and i wont do it...the 2nd is walk away and never look back...but even after this i still love him..but the 3rd is give him a chance to prove himself and be his friend...and see what happens with the friendship in a year or so....everyone i asked tells me to walk away and find someone better..but none of them are in stable relationships or have ever been in a stable relationship..and are family so they are going to tell me to leave cause he hurt me..sorry for the ramble..im confused..please i need advice..not hate..i would post on my mommy forum but there all females...and i think a males point of view is just as important

A male's perspective:

If my significant other ever cheated on me, I would be too devastated and the relationship would be too fractured to ever be repaired. I would cut ties with her completely, and unfortunately the likelihood of cutting ties with her family who I adore and our mutual friends would be inevitable.

That's just me I guess. Lying, cheating, and abusing trust are not qualities I want in a significant other.

I don't necessarily think "once a cheater always a cheater" is true, but I do think "once a cheater, a proven lier, and while cheating is not guaranteed, abusing trust in some form will likely happen again". It's not as nicely worded, but there you go.

Your decision is your own, but I personally don't understand anyone who can continue with a relationship with someone who cheated.