Thoughts on Re-Homing a Bad Fit

I have had Toref, a freckled tree monitor, for almost a year now, and I am considering re-homing him.

He's a wild child and has not calmed down at all in the past year. He's defensive and scared and the only reptile I have that I can't handle and don't trust. He's a lot of work and isn't even a display animal since he hides every time I come in the room.

Below is the link to where I address re-homing him specifically.

https://ball-pythons.net/forums/show...Monitor/page13

My question is, what do other reptile keepers think about re-homing an animal that's a poor fit?

Am I giving up on him? I am doing wrong by him?

I think that's anthropomorphizing, but I have yet to re-home a reptile as an adult (me being an adult - not the reptile). I've stuck with animals even if they didn't turn out exactly how I expected.

Any thoughts are welcome.

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Am I giving up on him? I am doing wrong by him?

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I think you'd actually be doing the opposite. Making a sacrifice to be sure your pet gets the home they deserve. I think you just need to be honest about your experiences with any potential homes, so they know what they're getting into.

I think being honest with yourself that you cant put the time into the pet is honorable.

I agree with wnateg. As long as you've given the critter the best life you could while it was in your care, and find it another good home, then I believe you've done the right thing by the animal.

We all make some mistakes thru no fault of either side (human or pet), & I have the sense you've really tried but this is not what you had in mind. I don't blame
you one bit: it's not as if you're a zoo-keeper or have unlimited energy...this is supposed to be fun for you, & I think anyone who has kept animals (of any kind)
for long enough, sooner or later takes in something that's a poor fit for them. You're looking out for both your best interest & his to find him a more suitable owner.
You've taken great care of him so far, so I'm sure he's healthy; now, will he miss you? very doubtful...;)...so don't lose sleep over that either.

Psst, you should swap him with your pet store friend for a Trans Pecos rat snake...:D

I agree with the previous others. I think the best thing to do would be to re-home him. I think you will be so relieved to do so. And don't let yourself feel any guilt. It doesn't always work out. At least you learned and won't likely get another. Like Bogertophis said it is suppose to be fun. Doesn't sound like fun that you are experiencing. That's why we have pets. To enjoy them, love them like you did with your dog that passed away. Your not a quitter but there comes a time when you know what you should do and I think you have reached it.
Like the others said I would just do my best to find it a good home or at least a temporary care facility then you've done all you can. That will make it better for you to accept and better for the animal too. That's my opinion anyway.

people do it every day without even thinking about it for stupid reasons. sounds like you have put a lot of thought into this and i think your heart is in the right place.

I think it's probably for the best Dave.

It's not as if you haven't tried for the past year, especially with the health problems you have, a quick nip could be pretty nasty especially with your immune system.
It will probably benefit him and be less stressful for you both.
Shame really as he's pretty cool, but there's only so much you can do sometimes.
I don't envy you having to make this hard decision as I know how much you care for all your animals
All the best mate


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I read through the entire thread about Toref.

Personally I don't think re-homing a pet is a bad thing especially with a reptile where, let's face it, they probably wouldn't miss us the way a dog would. (cats are reptiles right?). The key is to make sure you find a good home. In your case that's not simple as a freckled tree monitor requires advanced care. Perhaps you are thinking about returning him to the breeder?

There are many reasons to re-home a pet. Space problems, lack of time or money or interest, lifestyle changes etc. Usually this is about the health and safety of the animal. But in your case there is a much more important reason:

Toref may cause a threat to your health and safety.

I had never heard before that all monitors can be slightly poisonous. I thought that was an adaptation than only the Komodos had, but it makes sense.

Many of us have the credo that the animal's health is paramount, but that's not entirely true. You and your future with your family is what's paramount.

My sister was a kidney recipient. I know how exhausting and vulnerable that can be. If Toref has the potential to threaten your health, then you must consider him a 'hot' and that's not what you signed up for.

Don't feel guilty. You shouldn't handle him in a way to try and calm him and another person might be able to. In this case, it may be what's best for everyone.

Really enjoyed his thread.

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Originally Posted by ChangshaNotes

I read through the entire thread about Toref.

Personally I don't think re-homing a pet is a bad thing especially with a reptile where, let's face it, they probably wouldn't miss us the way a dog would. (cats are reptiles right?). The key is to make sure you find a good home. In your case that's not simple as a freckled tree monitor requires advanced care. Perhaps you are thinking about returning him to the breeder?

There are many reasons to re-home a pet. Space problems, lack of time or money or interest, lifestyle changes etc. Usually this is about the health and safety of the animal. But in your case there is a much more important reason:

Toref may cause a threat to your health and safety.

I had never heard before that all monitors can be slightly poisonous. I thought that was an adaptation than only the Komodos had, but it makes sense.

Many of us have the credo that the animal's health is paramount, but that's not entirely true. You and your future with your family is what's paramount.

My sister was a kidney recipient. I know how exhausting and vulnerable that can be. If Toref has the potential to threaten your health, then you must consider him a 'hot' and that's not what you signed up for.

Don't feel guilty. You shouldn't handle him in a way to try and calm him and another person might be able to. In this case, it may be what's best for everyone.

Really enjoyed his thread.

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WOW. This hit home. Really thoughtful and really on point. Thank you.

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Originally Posted by richardhind1972

I think it's probably for the best Dave.

It's not as if you haven't tried for the past year, especially with the health problems you have, a quick nip could be pretty nasty especially with your immune system.
It will probably benefit him and be less stressful for you both.
Shame really as he's pretty cool, but there's only so much you can do sometimes.
I don't envy you having to make this hard decision as I know how much you care for all your animals
All the best mate


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Thank you, as always, Rich.

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Originally Posted by SilentHill

people do it every day without even thinking about it for stupid reasons. sounds like you have put a lot of thought into this and i think your heart is in the right place.

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Thank you for recognizing I want what's best for him and did not take this lightly.

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Originally Posted by ballpythonsrock2

I agree with the previous others. I think the best thing to do would be to re-home him. I think you will be so relieved to do so. And don't let yourself feel any guilt. It doesn't always work out. At least you learned and won't likely get another. Like Bogertophis said it is suppose to be fun. Doesn't sound like fun that you are experiencing. That's why we have pets. To enjoy them, love them like you did with your dog that passed away. Your not a quitter but there comes a time when you know what you should do and I think you have reached it.
Like the others said I would just do my best to find it a good home or at least a temporary care facility then you've done all you can. That will make it better for you to accept and better for the animal too. That's my opinion anyway.

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No, it hasn't been fun. Great point and thank you for the post.

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Originally Posted by Bogertophis

Psst, you should swap him with your pet store friend for a Trans Pecos rat snake...:D

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Ha! More on that later.....

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Originally Posted by Bogertophis

We all make some mistakes thru no fault of either side (human or pet), & I have the sense you've really tried but this is not what you had in mind. I don't blame
you one bit: it's not as if you're a zoo-keeper or have unlimited energy...this is supposed to be fun for you, & I think anyone who has kept animals (of any kind)
for long enough, sooner or later takes in something that's a poor fit for them. You're looking out for both your best interest & his to find him a more suitable owner.
You've taken great care of him so far, so I'm sure he's healthy; now, will he miss you? very doubtful...;)...so don't lose sleep over that either.

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Thank you Bogertophis. As usual, a thorough and thoughtful post. Much appreciated.

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Originally Posted by EL-Ziggy

I agree with wnateg. As long as you've given the critter the best life you could while it was in your care, and find it another good home, then I believe you've done the right thing by the animal.

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Thank you EL-Ziggy. Always appreciate your input.

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Originally Posted by wnateg

I think you'd actually be doing the opposite. Making a sacrifice to be sure your pet gets the home they deserve. I think you just need to be honest about your experiences with any potential homes, so they know what they're getting into.

I think being honest with yourself that you cant put the time into the pet is honorable.

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Thank you for the understanding Wnateg.

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Originally Posted by dakski

I have had Toref, a freckled tree monitor, for almost a year now, and I am considering re-homing him.

He's a wild child and has not calmed down at all in the past year. He's defensive and scared and the only reptile I have that I can't handle and don't trust. He's a lot of work and isn't even a display animal since he hides every time I come in the room.

Below is the link to where I address re-homing him specifically.

https://ball-pythons.net/forums/show...Monitor/page13

My question is, what do other reptile keepers think about re-homing an animal that's a poor fit?

Am I giving up on him? I am doing wrong by him?

I think that's anthropomorphizing, but I have yet to re-home a reptile as an adult (me being an adult - not the reptile). I've stuck with animals even if they didn't turn out exactly how I expected.

Any thoughts are welcome.

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I just posted the following on Toref's thread:

"Well, Toref is getting a new home. Or, should I say, Torefet! Turns out Toref/Torefet was a girl. That may have been part the problem as the females are known for being more skittish.

Old enough to sex now anyway.

I had bought Torefet from the my friend who owns a killer reptile store. The breeder, his buddy, came in and spoke to me for a while, and specializes in dwarf monitors. I thought I had it covered.

I gave Torefet back to the shop owner last night. He offered me credit or money. I said I don't want anything except a promise that you either give her back to the breeder, or find the best home possible and do not just sell her to anyone. He agreed. The shop owner is a standup guy who's been doing this for 20 years.

Of course when he took Torefet out of her carrying container, she peed on him, repeatedly! Multiple times! He was surprised, but amused.

For the record, I know I did the best for Torefet, but also recognize that this wasn't the best fit. Katie cemented it for me and gave me an out while still keeping my chin up, so did many on this forum.

Every animal I have is interesting, but all are handleable and not a threat to me. Torefet was pushing it to begin with, but turned out much more interesting than handleable, interactive, or even a display animal. I need to stick to my philosophy that if my niece (8) can't handle it, I shouldn't keep it."


Part of Katie's thought process with Torefet was that she didn't want my final reptile (at least for a while) to be something I was disappointed with. For now anyway, 13 reptiles is the limit (which I both respect and agreed to, so no hating). So, I'm down to 12. I have been bugging Katie for a Boa morph I've always wanted and Jeff Ronne, the Boaphile, has a few that I can pick from. Also, Bogertophis, I did hold an incredibly calm Trans-Pecos rat snake juvenile (6 months old or so) at the reptile store. Awesome animal, but not sure yet what direction I want to go.

Toref's old cage has a climbing stick and is a 4X2X1.5' Boaphile tank. I can either put something there, or move Shayna (BP) into there and have a free 6X2X1' (overkill for her by far).

I could also get a lizard that needs UV because the 4X2X1.5' has bulbs, if I want them.

Honestly, I am leaning more towards another snake. Snakes have always been my first reptile love and if I have to flip the balance (6 and 6 right now, Snakes and Lizards), probably would be a snake. Also, in general, snakes are much less work. They do not need daily cleaning and interaction or feeding like most lizards. Getting another animal would hopefully simplify things a little at this point (well as much as adding an animal can).

Thank you again to everyone here for their thoughtful responses and for helping me move on without guilt or feeling like a quitter.

I'll keep everyone up to speed on what direction I go. Stay tuned.

Srry to hear he isnt working out. Ultimately if you arent enjoying the animal it might be best to move on. He is such a cool monitor! I know this cant be easy.

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When you struggle with a Pet the best thing you can do for that pet is do right by him and re-home him, it's not easy but in the end it's what's best for the animal and yourself, having issues with an animal in the long term leads to loss of passion, resentment etc

Is it easy? No, But is it best? Yes

I had tried to rehome my leo because I did not think I was a good fit for him (I think of weird things sometimes). I had asked around, posted ads on classifieds and rescue websites. I even asked for help from the Department of Wildlife who has amnesty days throughout the state, and who supposedly go through a grueling application process to be approved as an adopter. After speaking with numerous potential adopters, I gave up. The last one from the state sound promising until he was a no-show.

It is not like my leo was mean or a difficult feeder, I just thought I was not giving him the best home, because no matter how much time I spent on taming him, he was just so shy. Maybe I did not spend enough time with him, I thought? It was a long process with very little response, and among those responses, many people that I thought were pretty shady or wholly unprepared for the long term responsibility. For a lizard like yours, if you are to rehome him, do your due diligence to ensure he goes to a home that you want him to be in. It may be even more difficult to find the right person for your lizard but doable. Just don't give in and keep looking. Talk to some breeders who may want to keep him or know a client who is looking for one.

I know you want to stay with snakes but.... Your cage sounds perfect for a blue tongue skink (Yea I'm a sucker for them). They can't climb well so height is not a huge factor, they do bask sometimes, and the adults only need to be fed once a week (babies are fed every other day but they grow fast). They are fun to watch. Sleeps most of the day, curious, loves to eat and responds when someone goes into their cage. They like to do their own thing but does not mind being handled or petted. And the tongue color is gorgeous.

As you all know I have been largely MIA with health issues over the past month, but I wanted to come back to this post and thank everyone that was supportive of Dakski during this time period.

I just got to the point where I saw this animal being so frustrating to him. I am used to him telling me about this animal shed or that animal did x/y cute thing. But honestly I wasn't hearing him say much positive about Toref. He seemed overwhelmed, and very frustrated with her, and I honestly felt bad because we had planned for her to be the last reptile. He had really wanted another BOA, but I wasn't keen on the idea of another large snake at the time, and so I think he rather settled for her.

Anyways, I think you guys all helped him a lot in his decision. I knew for sure that he was feeling all the things I thought, when he asked me to head to the reptile store only a few days after our initial discussion about it.

Dakski reported to me that he saw Toref at the store the other day and she is doing really well. The shop owner is really enjoying her, and he may end up keeping her. Or he might find a good home for her too. I'm glad that we were able to put her in a safe situation, and that she is really being enjoyed by shop owner and customers at the moment. :D

So again thank you all for the support and helping Dakski see that everything would be OKAY if he made this decision.

Sometimes we just have the wrong "chemistry" with either the specific animal, or the type of animal. It happens, & Dakski made the right decision for both. :gj:
It's nice that he's able to check on Toref & that she's in good hands too.

No matter how much we love animals, it's OK to consider our own needs too...;)

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Originally Posted by Bogertophis

No matter how much we love animals, it's OK to consider our own needs too...;)

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Thank you Bogertophis.

I do not believe it's selfish to take care of ourselves SO we can take care of others.

That's not the same as always doing what we want or putting ourselves first in the majority of situations.