The Boy Friend or Snakes ???

What a joke this guy I have been seeing for the last 4 years does not like snakes.... I belive he puts up with them cause he realy does love me. Well today he told me I spend to much time with my snakes and my rodents..... Last straw my animals come first, I am a care giver and realy enjoy what I do. My snakes come first so I am a cold person or ???.... Just wanting to know it any one else ever has come across this?

Any man that comes into my life comes in with the understanding that a)I am a parent and that will ALWAYS come first, no questions asked and b) I will NOT be giving up any animals for anyone. Period. End of story. Tell him to get over it or take a hike. I'm all for compromise in relationships, the extent of my compromise is I wouldn't get any MORE reptiles. The ones I already have are my responsibility and are not like selling an old video game I'm bored with.

Good for you. Apparently he really didn't accept you for you.

I haven't personally dealt with this but an old coworker proposed to his then gf and she said "Yes, but the snakes have to go." He was a manager at a pet store and bred corns and ratsnakes to make extra money. So he told her "Sorry, but they were here first and add income." Plus his favorite/pet albino was ridiculously awesome looking.

Ran into him a couple years ago and he was married to someone else and had a kid.

About a hundred years ago I had a retail reptile store. After we had been around for a while there was one scenario that had repeatedly played out the same way. Mostly it was guys, but sometimes it was girls.

Here's how it went.

Hey there Mr. Shopkeeper, I know I've had this snake, or these snakes, depending, for a while (sometimes years), but I've met someone I want to spend the rest of my life with and they're afraid of/don't like/don't understand/can't stand etc. my snakes so I've got to give them up. Will you take them off my hands and give them a good home?

Depending on the person and the reptiles they were trying to move on, we often aquired previously owned reptiles. Then, generally 3 to 6 months later that same person would come in and want their reptile or reptiles back because they had broken up with the love of their life.

Seriously, this happened often enough that I remember it 20 years later.

Don't do it. If he loves you, he'll adapt. If he can't adapt, does he really love you?

Snakes. Always pick the snakes, they dont talk back :rofl:

If he cant figure out how to love you for you then youre better off without him. He doesnt have to love your hobbies but he should support you and your interests if he really wants to be with you. :gj:

Playing devil's advocate, but how much time DO you spend with them? I didn't read in your post that he was telling you to get rid of them, or stop spending time with them, just that he feels it is too much. Although I agree you should never give up something you love for another kind of "love", this doesn't seem to be the question at hand. Have you asked him for specific input on what he needs, too? Why should he be the only one to adapt?

Snakes. The worst they will do is bite, and its usually adorable.

They need a "Like" button for posts aside from the thanks button.

Wilomn, LGray, Mike: "Like" :D

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Originally Posted by Pyrate81

They need a "Like" button for posts aside from the thanks button.

Wilomn, LGray, Mike: "Like" :D

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I think the Thanks button is like a Like button, just labelled differently. Works the same way anyways...I don't see a difference. Plus it adds to reputation.

No one comes between your animals if he loves you then he will put up with them . I could never give up my snakes .

Sounds like it's time for a little self reflection. Take a look at you and your situation. Are you really spending more time with your animals than you are your boyfriend? Do you put them ahead of him? Is he being unreasonably jealous or concerned? One thing I can tell you is, I am engaged, we have a baby, over 50 snakes, a boat load of rats. But, my girls ALWAYS come first.

Now if he is just jealous because deep down inside he feels you love your snakes more than him, then that's a him problem. If you're really spending more time with your animals than him because you really DO love them more than him, then that's a you problem. Next time he complains, think to yourself how much time you've spent with your animals that day versus how much time you've spent with him. Maybe you'll learn whether or not it's him being unreasonable, or you being obsessive. Once you realize who is really the problem with the relationship, you'll know how to fix it.

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Originally Posted by LGray23

I think the Thanks button is like a Like button, just labelled differently. Works the same way anyways...I don't see a difference. Plus it adds to reputation.

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Precisely

Doesn't sound like a complete story, something must have happened recently for this to be the "last straw" after him tolerating them for the past 4 years.

You spend too much time with your animals...... Blah blah blah blah.
Tell him to kick rocks.
In my world any man that loves me for me will accept the fact that I live for my animals and caring for them. I find working with reptiles exciting. Any man in my life will be happy and excited for me that I have a hobby I love. And yes I have told a man to shooo because he didn't like the animals. There a part of my life. If you don't like it you don't have to be in my life.
Always do what you love for you.


Check out what's new on my website... www.Homegrownscales.com

I love how objective everyone is. You people do realize that sometimes a hobby can monopolize your time and cause stress in a relationship right? I'm not saying this is the case, but having experienced this first hand, it's something that everyone should consider before blindly stating to blow off a person the OP has been dating for 4 years.

As has been said, look to what and who is causing the friction/issue. Is it you or him or a combination of the two? Me personally, I'd sell or place my racks, snakes and rodents in a flat second if it were that or my wife. She was there for me well before my animals and while I love them dearly and get a great deal of enjoyment from raising/keeping them, she matters more to me than anything in this world, my job and hobbies included. I take excellent care of my animals and would gladly place them for free to ensure they were getting the best possible home if it came to that and I was unable to sell them. To say you should throw away four years with someone without knowing the whole story...I won't go that far. Work on it if it can be resolved and so long as no one is causing harm to the other or themselves. If you or the other person are in danger, then that's an entirely different story. If it's something that can be worked out and you guys come to an agreement, great. Like the saying says, walk a mile in that person's shoes before you make a judgement call and hear where he's coming from versus maybe what he's saying or his choice in wording. I dunno, just my two cents. Good luck and hope it works out for you.

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Originally Posted by Mike41793

Snakes. Always pick the snakes, they dont talk back :rofl:
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:rofl::rofl::gj: thats what im saying.

I think there are a number of factors involved.

Is this a hobby that spends your money, or that makes some money (or at least pays for itself)?
Do you spend more time than is necessary to care for your snakes properly? Do you spend a LOT more time?
How much time do you spend with your boyfriend?
Do you have the snakes out when you're spending time with your boyfriend?

If you are absolutely unwilling to compromise, or can't compromise, and he is unhappy with this...after 4 years...perhaps it's dawning on him that this may not be the situation he wants to be in, and you may both be better off shouldering the discomfort, and moving on.
It doesn't entirely sound as though you are in love with him...regardless of how he feels about you. Is this true? You seem more angry than heartbroken, although such things can be difficult to gauge over the internet.

You certainly will be able to find someone who is as obsessed with snakes as you are...if you did, would you be happy to spend time with your snakes, and your boyfriend, at the same time? Would you be happy if your boyfriend spent time with the snakes instead with you? Evaluate this honestly. You do need to decide what will make you happy.

It's a large world out there...too large, in MY opinion, to settle for someone who is there, instead of seeking someone who is right.

If he really loves you, he would accept the snakes because they mean so much to you.
Does he have a hobby of his own? Doesn't sound like it... Maybe if he finds a hobby you both can spend time on doing what you love, and still be happy together.
I hope everything works out... 4 years is a long time to just throw away! :(
Goodluck :)

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Originally Posted by dart

I love how objective everyone is. You people do realize that sometimes a hobby can monopolize your time and cause stress in a relationship right? I'm not saying this is the case, but having experienced this first hand, it's something that everyone should consider before blindly stating to blow off a person the OP has been dating for 4 years.

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So can't children, and full time jobs, and school. If someone can't at the VERY least accept a passion such as this, how can you expect them to accept other parts of your life? I'm a 24 y/o single mom, I work more than full time in a very high stress job, I'm also in the Air Force Reserves, and will be starting school full time very shortly. How can I expect a guy to deal with all that if he can't even handle my snakes? :confusd:

You can't. This is a passion. It's not like a drug addiction, or an alcohol problem, or anything dangerous. It's keeping reptiles. If a guy tells me he can't accept my reptiles and tarantulas, then he sure as heck can't accept the more serious aspects of my life. Four years or not :rolleyes:

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Originally Posted by LGray23

So can't children, and full time jobs, and school. If someone can't at the VERY least accept a passion such as this, how can you expect them to accept other parts of your life? I'm a 24 y/o single mom, I work more than full time in a very high stress job, I'm also in the Air Force Reserves, and will be starting school full time very shortly. How can I expect a guy to deal with all that if he can't even handle my snakes? :confusd:

You can't. This is a passion. It's not like a drug addiction, or an alcohol problem, or anything dangerous. It's keeping reptiles. If a guy tells me he can't accept my reptiles and tarantulas, then he sure as heck can't accept the more serious aspects of my life. Four years or not :rolleyes:

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It's definitely easier to accept jobs, school and children over accepting a hobby. Just because you're passionate about something doesn't mean it's right to ignore someone you care about. I used to play video games and hockey a lot more than I spent time with my now fiance. Just because I was passionate about it, doesn't mean it was right. I realized my mistakes and changed. Now we are engaged and have a beautiful baby.

Before you go spouting advice that could potentially ruin a relationship, maybe you should think that there are always two sides to every story. Not to mention, how you feel towards your hobby and your relationships may not reflect how she feels towards hers. Saying things such as "get over it or take a hike" is ridiculously bull-headed and selfish. That's a response that doesn't even CONSIDER the other persons feelings. :colbert:

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Originally Posted by dart

It's definitely easier to accept jobs, school and children over accepting a hobby. Just because you're passionate about something doesn't mean it's right to ignore someone you care about. I used to play video games and hockey a lot more than I spent time with my now fiance. Just because I was passionate about it, doesn't mean it was right. I realized my mistakes and changed. Now we are engaged and have a beautiful baby.

Before you go spouting advice that could potentially ruin a relationship, maybe you should think that there are always two sides to every story. Not to mention, how you feel towards your hobby and your relationships may not reflect how she feels towards hers. Saying things such as "get over it or take a hike" is ridiculously bull-headed and selfish. That's a response that doesn't even CONSIDER the other persons feelings. :colbert:

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There are always two sides. The problem is we're only getting one. Based on what I read, along with everyone else, he's less than pleased with the snakes. Now, unless she's one of those people we see on the discovery channel that's beyond obsessed with her snakes, I highly doubt she's putting her plans on hold with him so she can sit in a room holding her snakes for hours on end. In that case then obviously there is a bigger issue, but we don't SEE any bigger issues because we only got a very vague description and it's only one sided. Anything you or I or anyone else says is speculation. Sounds to me like you're ASSuming this guy is Mr. Wonderful, when in fact he could be a controlling A like my ex husband. Based on the very little facts she gave, I made an honest opinion on how I deal with this crap.

Don't scold me, I know what it's like to give up everything you love and bend your entire life to make someone ELSE happy. I finally got my head out of my behind and got divorced. I also have a very beautiful son out of it. Based on MY life experiences, which you have no idea about, I'd definitely tell him to take a hike. I'm not ruining anyone relationships, she's a grown woman and can make her own decisions. I simply stated my opinion. :colbert:

Edit: And just to add, this isn't "just a hobby" to me, this is a huge part of me, these are living beings, much like my child/job/military. Hence why there isn't much room to budge for compromise. Please, next time you want to reprimand someone for their opinion, try taking their feelings into consideration, since you're so big on that.

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Originally Posted by dart

It's definitely easier to accept jobs, school and children over accepting a hobby. Just because you're passionate about something doesn't mean it's right to ignore someone you care about. I used to play video games and hockey a lot more than I spent time with my now fiance. Just because I was passionate about it, doesn't mean it was right. I realized my mistakes and changed. Now we are engaged and have a beautiful baby.

Before you go spouting advice that could potentially ruin a relationship, maybe you should think that there are always two sides to every story. Not to mention, how you feel towards your hobby and your relationships may not reflect how she feels towards hers. Saying things such as "get over it or take a hike" is ridiculously bull-headed and selfish. That's a response that doesn't even CONSIDER the other persons feelings. :colbert:

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You do realize that there's just a bit of difference between sitting on your ass playing games all day and keeping healthy happy animals, right? Because, if you don't, you're not adult enough to have an opinion in this thread.

If she doesn't engage in her hobby properly and in a timely fashion, her snakes die. If you don't play your game....nothing happens at all. Realize that and maybe you'll be qualified to participate. You're what? 25? Been around a long time, have ya? Talk to me in 20 years when you've been married for 15 and see if you still feel the same.

I guess you're right. She came here asking for opinions, so why should I care what people tell her? Snakebite, just do what you feel is right. As long as you're ok with the decision, it was the right one.

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Originally Posted by wilomn

You do realize that there's just a bit of difference between sitting on your ass playing games all day and keeping healthy happy animals, right? Because, if you don't, you're not adult enough to have an opinion in this thread.

If she doesn't engage in her hobby properly and in a timely fashion, her snakes die. If you don't play your game....nothing happens at all. Realize that and maybe you'll be qualified to participate. You're what? 25? Been around a long time, have ya? Talk to me in 20 years when you've been married for 15 and see if you still feel the same.

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You're right. I'm actually 13 years old, I played video games for 16 hours a day and played hockey for 12 mins once a week. Next time, maybe you should try to open your mind before your mouth. How narrow minded can you be to assume I have no clue what I'm talking about? I'm one of the few people in this thread not telling the OP to kick him to the curb. Some of us are trying to explain to her to contemplate her situation and make the call herself. The correct decision is the one she makes on her own. The one she FEELS is right. Not the one that people with chips on their shoulders from past experiences tell her to make.

Since when does experience mean nothing?

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Originally Posted by Mike41793

Since when does experience mean nothing?

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When you argue with those who know everything yet have experienced almost nothing. You know, like in this thread.

I used to know everything, then i took an arrow to the knee

Ok, so life has priorities and responsibilities. What is your top priority will make a difference. Mine, - my child, my animals, my husband, me. My husband knew when we got together that my animals were top of my list. (This was before my daughter came along, she is #1 now). I had several, and they were my responsibility. I loved them and they were here for the long haul. He is very understanding of that to this day. We spent quite a bit of money, trying to save one of the best cats ever. Who we couldn't save despite cardiologists. He had congestive heart failure. We knew we couldn't save him but maybe buy him some quality time. And my husband knew it was a lost cause, but also knew what my cat meant to me, and never said a word about it, despite the cost, and time involved with vet/cardiologist, draining fluid off his heart, spending money on medication that was questionable, and very expensive. I guess 4 years is nothing if he can't at least understand your passion, imo. If this causes friction, what are your chances down the road with bigger issues? Stand up for what is important to you, there is somebody out there who will be supportive. Don't be afraid to stand up for what you believe in. Someone will love and be proud of you for it. Just imo.....

BTW, animals love unconditionally!!!!


Sent from my ADR6350 using Tapatalk 2

If your snake keeping was as simple as something like model trains or airplanes; you know, something that actually COULD be done at a later time while he is occupied otherwise or not there then by all means you might contemplating trying a little more. But the fact is, you're keeping living creatures. In my appeals to people's sense of humanity, my snake and geckos are no different than their cats or dogs. A living, breathing, eating creature dependent on me!

Unfortunately, I was married before my reptile addiction began. So, the wife HAS to deal with it, to some extent haha. But, she's gotten to the point where now she wants her own BP. Honestly, try to include him in cleaning, feeding, and maintaining. If he's just not into it, then maybe try and set a routine where there is time for him. Who knows, maybe he'll get the addiction too. ;)


Browsing on Tapatalk from my iPhone :)

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Originally Posted by DrDooLittle

BTW, animals love unconditionally!!!!

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My snakes don't love me...

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Originally Posted by dart

It's definitely easier to accept jobs, school and children over accepting a hobby. Just because you're passionate about something doesn't mean it's right to ignore someone you care about. I used to play video games and hockey a lot more than I spent time with my now fiance. Just because I was passionate about it, doesn't mean it was right. I realized my mistakes and changed. Now we are engaged and have a beautiful baby.

Before you go spouting advice that could potentially ruin a relationship, maybe you should think that there are always two sides to every story. Not to mention, how you feel towards your hobby and your relationships may not reflect how she feels towards hers. Saying things such as "get over it or take a hike" is ridiculously bull-headed and selfish. That's a response that doesn't even CONSIDER the other persons feelings. :colbert:

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Originally Posted by dart

You're right. I'm actually 13 years old, I played video games for 16 hours a day and played hockey for 12 mins once a week. Next time, maybe you should try to open your mind before your mouth. How narrow minded can you be to assume I have no clue what I'm talking about? I'm one of the few people in this thread not telling the OP to kick him to the curb. Some of us are trying to explain to her to contemplate her situation and make the call herself. The correct decision is the one she makes on her own. The one she FEELS is right. Not the one that people with chips on their shoulders from past experiences tell her to make.

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anyone else notice this? LOL

And to op: any man that comes into my life knows that if I was to choose between him and my animals, he'd be out the door ;)

They were here first. And you never know, your pets may last longer than that relationship.

If a man can't accept my passion for animals, he won't be able to fully love me for me. My animals Are a big part of my life.

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Originally Posted by Bobbafett

anyone else notice this? LOL

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Probably sarcasm.

Regardless, I think there's more to this than is being told. If the guy has been with her for four years, and is only now complaining, I think there's something else going on. Frankly, I second the idea that maybe he's feeling neglected.

Sorry, no discussion. I am a reptile keeper. Either accept that or walk. As Popeye said, I yam what I yam.

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Originally Posted by Raptor

Probably sarcasm.

Regardless, I think there's more to this than is being told. If the guy has been with her for four years, and is only now complaining, I think there's something else going on. Frankly, I second the idea that maybe he's feeling neglected.

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It's entirely possible that there is something else going on.

Perhaps the boyfriend has started seeing someone else or wants to start seeing someone else but wants the OP to break up with him and is using the snakes as an excuse to cause that to happen.

The thing about speculating is, you're just guessing.

A lot of people with a lot of experience with this exact scenario have given her advice and some with almost no experience with this exact scenario have piped up too.

Whatever she does is for her to decide and her friends and hopefully family, to support.

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Originally Posted by Snakebite

What a joke this guy I have been seeing for the last 4 years does not like snakes.... I belive he puts up with them cause he realy does love me. Well today he told me I spend to much time with my snakes and my rodents..... Last straw my animals come first, I am a care giver and realy enjoy what I do. My snakes come first so I am a cold person or ???.... Just wanting to know it any one else ever has come across this?

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I guess I'm having a hard time figuring out just how much time you are spending with your snakes and rats.

I got a wife. I got two kids. I got two dogs. I got two cats.

I have a separate structure in my backyard filled with snakes.

I also have a full time job which can run from 44 to 60 hours per week.

I also own a house which requires maintenance.

I'm thinking something else is afoot. Or maybe is it something else is a foot?

Whatever............I don't think this is an issue about your reptiles at all.

I might not have a lot experience in love as others on here. But I do hope my two cents will be helpful.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years. Throughout these years, we have had some major disagreements. We fought, we yelled, and I cried. One of those things I didn't agree with was his snake hobby. I hated it, was fearful of them, and felt neglected by him. He saw this. But instead of telling me to "scram" or giving up his hobby, he educated me on ball pythons and boas. He went on about the origins, husbandry, breeding, genetics behind different morphs. Major breakthrough when he handed me his little Mojave. That fear dissipated. I learned to appreciate and accept. Next thing you know, I got my own snake at a reptile show.

If you love your boyfriend and he feels that he needs attention, include him in it all. Teach him the ropes. Maybe it will just take a while for him to accept. It did for me! Work on it together and maybe... just maybe... he will herpaderp on you too LOL

Good luck! :-)

Sent from my Galaxy S III using Tapatalk2

Collection (for now buahaha)
0.1 Cinnamon Spider

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Originally Posted by Snakebite

What a joke this guy I have been seeing for the last 4 years does not like snakes.... I belive he puts up with them cause he realy does love me. Well today he told me I spend to much time with my snakes and my rodents..... Last straw my animals come first, I am a care giver and realy enjoy what I do. My snakes come first so I am a cold person or ???.... Just wanting to know it any one else ever has come across this?

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i had that problem,
was with the EX-WIFE!!!!:banana:

I'll chime in here, and maybe be a voice of reason AND experience. :P I've been around a long time. I've been married a long time. I've had snakes for almost a long time.

I will start with this caveat...my husband came before any snakes or reptiles. When we got married, all I wanted was a kitty cat. We ended up with two. And now we can't have any (due to weird complications with his military career). I love cats SO much. But I can't have them if I stay married to him. And I'll tell you this...I can NOT imagine any life in which I would choose a cat (or any animal) over this husband.

He also really doesn't like the snakes I have. But over the years, through a variety of those sorts of circumstances that change us and grow us...I've discovered the passion I have for reptiles...snakes and tortoises in particular, but really just about anything. I love animals, and I've devoted a tremendous amount of my time, energy and efforts into helping people learn how to take care of them properly. He realizes this is a real passion for me, and the desire to own some of my own is more than just a childish "want". It's taken a LOT of work and effort and COMMUNICATION between the two of us...and COMPROMISE...for us to reach a place in our relationship where I can have a few animals without making his life any more stressful and unpleasant than his very demanding job already makes it. It was WORTH it to me to work on that and build that into our relationship and reach that compromise with him. And it's a still-growing process, and we are ever working on balancing my needs for more critters with his need for a peaceful, quiet, odor-free home. :P But he's also proud of me. Proud of all I've accomplished here at BP.net, proud of my work at TRR. He even enjoys being the man with the wife who keeps snakes, and doesn't hesitate to share that little tidbit with his peers.

Is it worth the effort to reach this compromise? Hell yes. Because I love and respect myself enough to understand that my own needs should be met...AND I love him beyond measure and want HIS needs to be met as well.

My summation: If you can't love a person deeply and widely enough to be concerned about THEIR needs and hold their needs in equal measure with your own, then maybe they aren't the right person for you. How sad to go through life with a "significant other" that falls below the animals on a scale of priorities. Where things are in YOUR life, only you can know.

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Originally Posted by wilomn

It's entirely possible that there is something else going on.

Perhaps the boyfriend has started seeing someone else or wants to start seeing someone else but wants the OP to break up with him and is using the snakes as an excuse to cause that to happen.

The thing about speculating is, you're just guessing.

A lot of people with a lot of experience with this exact scenario have given her advice and some with almost no experience with this exact scenario have piped up too.

Whatever she does is for her to decide and her friends and hopefully family, to support.

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Everyone here is speculating. We only know half of what is going on; we don't know his reasons at all. Considering this is a snake forum, of course the majority are going to say "ditch the boyfriend, keep the snakes". Snakes don't take a huge amount of time to care for unless the collection is massive. In which case, the boyfriend would have a legit complaint. Honestly? Instead of coming onto a forum and complain, she should sit down with him and ask his reasoning for why he thinks she spends too much time with her snakes.

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Originally Posted by Raptor

Everyone here is speculating. We only know half of what is going on; we don't know his reasons at all. Considering this is a snake forum, of course the majority are going to say "ditch the boyfriend, keep the snakes". Snakes don't take a huge amount of time to care for unless the collection is massive. In which case, the boyfriend would have a legit complaint. Honestly? Instead of coming onto a forum and complain, she should sit down with him and ask his reasoning for why he thinks she spends too much time with her snakes.

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Suppose she has. Suppose she has more than once.

Your advice is worth no more than most. At least with those of us who HAVE seen this happen to others we can tell her what actually happened when the snakes were given up or what happened when the option was put out there by a significant other.

Maybe you, since you keep harping on her talking to the guy, should let her be so she can make up her own mind.

Frankly, if HE says "the snakes go or I do" it's probably not at all about the snakes. It's about him wanting control in the relationship. If you didn't keep snakes and instead you took dance classes... he'd say you spent too much time out dancing... or with your friends, or family, until you rely on him exclusively.

Most of the time anyone who declares a "your hobby/time/enjoyment or I'm leaving" doesn't object to the exact thing mentioned... just to the fact that it's not time/attention on THEM. A woman may say "You go out bowling too much, I hate bowling..." but it's not bowling... it's time away from HER. With guys, it's often "You go out too much... you spend too much time with..." for the same reason.

Get rid of the dog... ditch the cat... stop going out with those friends... it's all the same thing. If you've been spending XX time with your pets and he is NOW objecting, then I'd say he's being controlling and to kick him to the curb before he ruins your entire life.

If you've recently started spending more time with your pets and less time with him, then YOU need to figure out why you've spent less time with him lately. Have you lost interest in him? Are there other things he does that you don't like, object to? Don't focus your thinking on the snakes... focus on your relationship with him over all. Does he try to restrict your time? Is he jealous of time spent with friends?

Frankly, anyone who tells me "XX or I leave" automatically can leave. I will not be controlled by another person. I do not react well to threats. If they want to leave, there's the door. If they are petty enough to threaten to leave over something, they aren't welcome with me. If they want to discuss things, I have no objection to it. Threatening to leave is a bully tactic that invariably would backfire with me.

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Originally Posted by wilomn

Suppose she has. Suppose she has more than once.

Your advice is worth no more than most. At least with those of us who HAVE seen this happen to others we can tell her what actually happened when the snakes were given up or what happened when the option was put out there by a significant other.

Maybe you, since you keep harping on her talking to the guy, should let her be so she can make up her own mind.

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Funny. I only mentioned her talking to him once. That doesn't qualify as harping.