Military with children?

Sorry I haven't been on lately, I've had a lot of personal issues going on. Basically I would like people's opinions and advice on being in the military WITH children involved.

Every since middle school, my original plan was to join the military after high school...until I got pregnant at 17. Obviously, that changed everything. Since my divorce, I've been in one semi-serious relationship, and one very serious relationship that has crashed and burned. I've lived on my own with my son, and I am SO grateful for my job, but I just barely get by. I can't go to college more than one class at a time because I can't turn down over time for school, I can't take online classes because they are so expensive, and I feel like I am stuck.

My son is 5 years old. My parents are willing to take over custody for ANY reason (basic, job training, deployment). He also has his father, as much as I dislike him, he would take him in the event of a long deployment. I feel like the Army Reserves or National Guard would really benefit us for the long run. I mean, they will pay for my school, I could afford online classes AND work full time, PLUS get paid for my work done with the Army. It's only one weekend a month and 2-4 weeks in the summer (when he's at his dad's house anyways). Less people are being deployed right now, but I know I can't bank on not getting deployed. I guess I'm looking for a little guidance. I NEED to do something more with my life. I don't have any crazy skills that will get me far, I don't have a college degree to fall back on. I really want the achievement and the experience. The veteran status could help me for life.

The only thing stopping me right now is my son. I'm scared that I'm being selfish by leaving him. I really feel like this will help us later on. I want to give him the best life he can possibly have, and I'm doing okay now, but I'm capable of so much more I just haven't had the opportunity. I feel like this is an opportunity just waiting to happen, the only problem is I have to sacrifice 6 months minimum + possibly 15 months (for deployment) with my son. Are the long term benefits really worth that? Please help lol.

Go air force and you'll drastically lower the likelihood of deployment and decrease the duration if you do deploy, plus you will be more desirable to employers once you get out.


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I'd say it is worth it, as long as there are people that you trust to take care of your son during training/possible deployments you should be able to get by and things will be better later on.

I wish you the best, and hope you can come to a decision that you feel is best.

Growing up around the military has been a lot of fun for me. As a kid with a parent in the military you grow up knowing your not going to see your parents sometimes for a year at a time.. i have been doing it for 22 years now and its just second nature. i would say its better to start while they are young so they are used to it by the time the really understand whats going on. it really isnt as bad as it seems. i think kids in military families mature a lot more as well. like i dont really know how to explain it.. but its who i am and its all ive known. you see all these reality shows where the husband and wives or kids get split up for a week and they are like all crying and crap when they get reunited and its like... its a week people omg my mom and my brother and i dont get to see my dad for a year sometimes.. he has missed birthdays, holidays, annivisarys, you name it my dad has missed it but its all just conditioning... and if you really want to make a career out of it i would totally recommend getting stationed overseas once your kid is old enough to appreciate it. i lived in italy when i was 9-11 and it was sooo amazing. at the time it was just living in another country but now i can truly understand i had an experience most people can only dream about. i have traveled the world on the tax payers money. so im just letting you know from a kids point of view... having been through it for 22 years now.. its a life experience that i would never want to have had any other way. i would not have wanted to grow up a "normal" kid in the same town for 20 years i wouldnt trade the moves and the new houses and new friends for anything. so when it comes down to it.. i have learned this....its not about the time spent apart when somebody is deployed.... its about how you spend the time you have together when they are home. your child will understand one day why you did what you had to do. i know i grew into it. im sure they can too... hope that helps

I was hoping to speak to an Air Force Reserve and National Guard recruiter too, I spoke to the Army National Guard recruiter today. The thing that really kind of sold me on the Army Reserves was he said once I take the ASVAB (which I am taking Thursday) and I select a job that is available, it is reserved for me. I go into basic knowing what job I am jumping into, and it doesn't change. He said the other branches don't do that, and you usually don't end up with the job you wanted. He could have just been blowing smoke as I'm sure they do, but that peace of mind knowing I will be in a 4 month job training program as opposed to a 12 month job training program really helped...

I also want to add that I am only considering reserves of some sort, I absolutely can't make it a career as active duty because I am technically a single parent. Another thing that sold me on the reserves is, they are the only ones accepting single parents...

I had been wondering where you had been, we missed you. I have no military experience. However, if you can spend a little time now, to make things better in the long run, probably would be great for you. That's great that you want more for you and your son. (Here's the part where I don't help) Being a mother though, I couldn't handle being away from my daughter. It would be very hard not to see her, even if I knew it was better for both of us in the long run. I wish you well in whatever you do, and hope everything works out ok for you. Keep your chin up!! :)

Do it! You're not cheating your son, you're trying to build a better future that will benefit both of you.

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Originally Posted by LGray23

I spoke to the Army National Guard recruiter today.

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Ahhhh I meant Army Reserves, I spoke to Army Reserves today lol.

Being that my ex husband lives in Michigan, and I am in Massachusetts with my son, I have gone as long as 3 months without him (summer, with his dad). It was VERY hard in the beginning to let him go, but sadly, as time goes on it does get easier. I still miss him like crazy when he's not with me, even for my shifts at work, but at least I'm not a blubbering mess when he leaves now lol. I think it will be VERY difficult if I get deployed, I can't imagine 15 months without him...but like I said I really think this will help both of us out in the long run. I just can't wait to see his face if I graduate from basic training, I think he'll actually like the idea of his mommy being a soldier lol.

Well all I can add is I was in the Marines for a number of years and basically it was hell on my relationship with my wife I was always and I meanalways deployed out fo 6years of marriage I was only state side for 168 days and very little of it was more than a couple days. If you have the plan in place for just in case you get deployed for a long period of time do it. But be thoughfull of the possible 6mo to 1.5year deployment that could very easily happen

Neither of my parents were in the military but i did have a split family. By the time i was old enough to know what was going on it was already second nature to go back and forth between my mom and dads house. Your son is still young. I say go in now and serve. Idk how long people usually stay in for? Like 2 years? If its the reserve maybe more? Idk honestly. But even if you do like 5 years and get out then your son will only be like 10 years old. I suggest the air force bc i believe that they have the highest rate of discharging people with Associates Degrees. One of my teachers was in the Army and he told everyone if they wante to go into the military go into the air force bc of this. Also bc they had the nicest barracks lol. So if you go in for a few years and get paid to earn an AA or even BS maybe then it will benefit your son in the long run. He wont see you all the time for a few years but it wont be forever. With a college deg youll be able to re enter the workforce making alot more money, that you could put towards something like your sons education. Theres also probably special scholarships just for kids from military families. It may seem like a negative thing in the beginning but once you get discharged and are holding a degree youll be alot happier and youll be able to spend more time with your son again!
This is just my 2 cents on everything. Idk a whole lot about military stuff so i apologize to all you veterans in advance if i messed up some terminology or something lol

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Originally Posted by LGray23

I was hoping to speak to an Air Force Reserve and National Guard recruiter too, I spoke to the Army National Guard recruiter today. The thing that really kind of sold me on the Army Reserves was he said once I take the ASVAB (which I am taking Thursday) and I select a job that is available, it is reserved for me. I go into basic knowing what job I am jumping into, and it doesn't change. He said the other branches don't do that, and you usually don't end up with the job you wanted. He could have just been blowing smoke as I'm sure they do, but that peace of mind knowing I will be in a 4 month job training program as opposed to a 12 month job training program really helped...

I also want to add that I am only considering reserves of some sort, I absolutely can't make it a career as active duty because I am technically a single parent. Another thing that sold me on the reserves is, they are the only ones accepting single parents...

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You can get a guaranteed job in the air force as well!


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There are a lot of single parents in the air force on active duty!


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Originally Posted by Gomojoe

There are a lot of single parents in the air force on active duty!


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Hinting at something here lol?

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Originally Posted by Gomojoe

There are a lot of single parents in the air force on active duty!


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lol I will be speaking to a Air Force Reserves recruiter as well. I do have to say the 6 months deployment as opposed to the 12 month deployment is much easier to swallow...

IMO the military is not good for children or families. It's a single persons life. Constant moving, deployments and divorce rate that is staggering.

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Originally Posted by LGray23

Ahhhh I meant Army Reserves, I spoke to Army Reserves today lol.

Being that my ex husband lives in Michigan, and I am in Massachusetts with my son, I have gone as long as 3 months without him (summer, with his dad). It was VERY hard in the beginning to let him go, but sadly, as time goes on it does get easier. I still miss him like crazy when he's not with me, even for my shifts at work, but at least I'm not a blubbering mess when he leaves now lol. I think it will be VERY difficult if I get deployed, I can't imagine 15 months without him...but like I said I really think this will help both of us out in the long run. I just can't wait to see his face if I graduate from basic training, I think he'll actually like the idea of his mommy being a soldier lol.

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I think he would be damn proud of his momma! Also, if you need anybody to herp/snake sit, let us know. I am sure there are enough of us out here to help you out.

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Originally Posted by Rob

IMO the military is not good for children or families. It's a single persons life. Constant moving, deployments and divorce rate that is staggering.

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The reserves I wouldn't have to move, as I have at least 3 bases I can do my work at within 50 miles of me. Deployments is my only issue, but in the long run it could be worth it. And I'm not worried about divorce either, as I'm not married.

I grew up from the time I was born until I turned 19 as an Air Force Brat. The only reason that changed when I turned 19 is because I joined myself and did 23 years on active duty. I also have 12 year old twins. I can speak to both sides of this coin. But first...

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Originally Posted by LGray23

He said the other branches don't do that, and you usually don't end up with the job you wanted.

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Completely untrue...if he sticks to his guns ask him to accompany you to the Air Force recruiting office and have him tell the USAF recruiter why he's flat out lying to potential recruits. All services offer guaranteed jobs for qualifying ASVAB scores. Every branch of the service works for the DoD...they don't get to cowboy their own rules. Tell the recruiter that, and tell him you are under the advisement of someone who knows this game...then tell him to deal the cards or watch you play the game with someone else.

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Originally Posted by LGray23

Another thing that sold me on the reserves is, they are the only ones accepting single parents...

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Also completely untrue. The only service that can and does discriminate against single parents is the Marine Corps, and they have a special dispensation from congress to do it....even then, I don't think it would survive a court challenge if someone pressed it, but I digress. Though I'm retired from active duty, I still work for the Air Force for the next 30 days or so (until they cut my job), and I can assure you we have more single Moms in the USAF than Carter has Little Liver Pills...

Ok, now that I have that out of my system. Growing up as a military brat was great for me. I'm outgoing, make friends easily, and get bored being in the same place for long...that's why it worked for me. My brother on the other hand, is completely the opposite, and he hated being a brat. The best day of his life was when my father retired and they settled down in one place. By that time I was already in the USAF myself and out seeing the world.

Looking at it from the perspective of a father, I see things a little different. My twins were born in 2000, and as you recall, the whole military, and me especially (due to my career field) got real busy about that time. Busy for more than 10 years, in fact. I missed slightly more than half my kid's life times from the ages of 2 till 7. That's time I can never get back.

Now that my kids are old enough to articulate what it was like during my absence, I understand that the separation was probably harder on me than it was on them, but still, any separation is a stressor and who knows what long term effects it will have...hopefully none, but we don't know that whole story yet.

Like anything in life, there are pro and cons to joining...especially when you have kids. But, I would never warn you off of it because for me, it was a wonderful way of life and has provided for everything I have. Given the choice, I would do it all over again.

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Originally Posted by Rob

IMO the military is not good for children or families. It's a single persons life. Constant moving, deployments and divorce rate that is staggering.

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IMO the military is not good for people who feel the way you do. Lots of us figured out a way to make it work. Not a slam, we are all products of our own experience.

So sorry about your situation. Sometimes life can really suck and when you think everything is goimg ok it has a way of kicking you in the crotch. I have unfortunately had lots of adversity in my life but one immutable fact is it always got better. The course our lives take rarely ends up where we thought it would. I know I am not even close to were I thought I would be. Joining the military can be a positive or negative experience depending on the reason you join. I think there are some very good benefits to military service. I don't know if I could be away from my family and miss seeing big chunks of my kids growing up. But that's a decision you will have to make for yourself. So weigh your pros and cons carefully and don't make a impulse decision and you will make the right decision for you and your son. I wish you the best.

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Originally Posted by Slim

IMO the military is not good for people who feel the way you do. Lots of us figured out a way to make it work. Not a slam, we are all products of our own experience.

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I agree with you different people adjust to it differently. When I was in I was active duty ARMY, I was also a young single man so I enjoyed my time in. Now I'm married and have two kids. I know that the military would no longer be for me. I have seen most of my married battle buds get cheated on while we were in Iraq and lose sleep over missing their kids. And on the other hand there is a few that did great balancing a family in the Military.

Bump, any more advice/guidance?

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Originally Posted by LGray23

Bump, any more advice/guidance?

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I can only speak as a friend-looking-in: My best friend married a man while he was in Army Basic. He went Special Forces active duty for the first four years of their marriage (and his first son's life), but he was never gone for more than 6 months at a time. The next two years have been spent independent (Triple Canopy), so he is gone for much shorter stints than when he was active. I know 6 months is still a long time, and this was SF, so the rules may be different, but the moral of the story is that they all still survived and are a loving, happy family. Both of his boys talk to him daily via webcam (and did at least every few days when deployed), and are independent and well-adjusted. Your situation as a single parent isn't much different (than their mother caring for them alone), as long as your parents are prepared for the responsibility of taking care of your son if/when you can't be there, and you communicate with him at every opportunity. Just my $0.02. :D

I have been in the Navy for 18 years (both enlisted and officer) and have deployed with the Navy, Marines and Army. Army seems to have the greatest chance of longer deployments; Airforce the shortest. Navy and Marines are about the same length since we often deploy together.

A lot will have to do with your chosen job. Some jobs are just in higher deployment rotation. For example, those of us in medical tend to go out a lot. I would still choose the job you like and not base it on deployment, as you will be happier in the long run.

The Navy paid for my Bachelors and Masters degrees, and pays well compared to my civilian counterparts.

Getting by in the mil is 98% attitude and willingness to work and get the job done. You can be taught the rest. Every person I have seen clash with military life was directly due to their attitude.

I think that it should be a LAST resort. at 5 years old it’s the time in a child’s life they need the connection to both parents. They haven’t established much degree of independence and they attachment to a mother/primary parent figure is huge and of serious importance.

Like I said I think there are other ways and things to look into first. Try to reach out to Sam. When i mention what was going on to her she seems think there are a ton of grants and what not that can help you achieve the same thing without having to go military.

Again it’s your choice however ensure you truly weigh your options and what could happen if you got deployed. Having you son change school systems to where his father lives may be a greater hurdle than you think.

again I wish the best and it is not an easy choice.

tcutting,

Have you ever been in the military?

Joining the military should be your absolute last resort...not even an option, really. Don't get caught up in the empty promises of what they'll give you. If you're willing to invest the time and effort, put it into furthering your education while you continuously search for a better job. Of course it's hard, especially these days, but it CAN be done. There ARE options out there, you just have to find them with patience and a little luck on your side. Don't give up on YOUR life by handing it over to the military.

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Originally Posted by Slim

tcutting,

Have you ever been in the military?

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Nope

RyanT,

Have you ever been in the military?

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Originally Posted by Slim

RyanT,

Have you ever been in the military?

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Dude, give it a rest. It's obvious from your responses that being a sheep suckling on the government's teet like a good little mindless drone makes you feel very safe and secure. Enjoy that. You're exactly what they want and I'm sure they love you very very much. So adorable.

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Originally Posted by tcutting

Nope

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Just wondering what experince you base your opinion on.

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Originally Posted by RyanT

Joining the military should be your absolute last resort...not even an option, really. Don't get caught up in the empty promises of what they'll give you. If you're willing to invest the time and effort, put it into furthering your education while you continuously search for a better job. Of course it's hard, especially these days, but it CAN be done. There ARE options out there, you just have to find them with patience and a little luck on your side. Don't give up on YOUR life by handing it over to the military.

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Furthering education, being a single parent, finding a new job, and keeping even a crappy one (all at the same time), don't tend to work well together. In a very real sense, LGray is looking for a better job by exploring military options. On top of that, she is looking at "companies" that pay for you to further your education, even if that means committing a certain timeline to them. There are not many companies in our current economy that still have a tuition program - mine just discontinued theirs, for example, and it's one of the largest privately held companies in the world. The key is to get any promises in writing, because it is definitely the job of the recruiters to get you enrolled, and not all of them are as ethical as you may want to believe (again, not really different from a non-government job).

And if it were my son, you'd never see me waiting for "a little luck" to be on my side - it would be contracted and signed before I set foot in the building, any building.

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Originally Posted by Slim

tcutting,

Have you ever been in the military?

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ok now that I read your entire post, originally it seems it worked out for you well. But here is a question, from what i read it seems safe to assume you were/are married and while you were deployed your wife had the kids? is that correct?

and just because I havent done it doesnt mean I didnt make a valid point. Just because it worked for you doesnt make it the right choice for everyone. I simply suggest that it is thoroughly thought out and I didnt say dont do it. Plus this post requested opinions. and that is simply my opinion whether you agree or not, its still my opinion.

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Originally Posted by RyanT

Dude, give it a rest. It's obvious from your responses that being a sheep suckling on the government's teet like a good little mindless drone makes you feel very safe and secure. Enjoy that. You're exactly what they want and I'm sure they love you very very much. So adorable.

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Wow, thank you for that well though out contribution to the discussion. I have no doubt that your opinion will be given all the weight it deserves.

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Originally Posted by tcutting

ok now that I read your entire post, originally it seems it worked out for you well. But here is a question, from what i read it seems safe to assume you were/are married and while you were deployed your wife had the kids? is that correct?

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I was married to another military member. More than once we were deployed at the same time. The military requires you to have a dependent care plan in place for such contingencies. We had a good dependent care plan.

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Originally Posted by tcutting

and just because I havent done it doesnt mean I didnt make a valid point. Just because it worked for you doesnt make it the right choice for everyone. I simply suggest that it is thoroughly thought out and I didnt say dont do it. Plus this post requested opinions. and that is simply my opinion whether you agree or not, its still my opinion.

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Show me where I slammed on your opinion? I simply asked what the basis for it was.

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Originally Posted by tcutting

I didnt say dont do it.

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No, technically, you didn't

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Originally Posted by tcutting

I think that it should be a LAST resort.

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:rolleyes:

I am a single mom with a GED, I work more than full time 50+ hours/week as a police, fire, and EMS dispatcher. How exactly do you expect me to find a better job than the one I have now? And I've mentioned that I can't go to school because 1) it's too expensive and 2) I can't turn down overtime to go to a class. I've tried it, and it doesn't work. I missed out on too much overtime and almost missed paying my bills.

The military is the better job. The school allowance will be more than enough to take online classes, full time, AND work my job. I think a lot of people are thinking that I'm thinking active duty, but I'm not. I will ONLY be considering a reserves of some sort. That's one weekend a month and 2-4 weeks in the summer. Basic training for the Army is 10 weeks, job training is immediately after anywhere between 2-6 months. After that the only other service I give is if I get activated, which I've taken into consideration.

I barely see my son now, I work so dang much. We get by, but barely. I really truly want a better life for him, for us. I'm not leaving him with no one to turn to, my family is more than willing to take on as guardians and will take VERY good care of him when I am away. Hell, they have him practically all the time now because I work so much. I was just curious from military people's perspectives, the affect on their kids if they have been deployed.

Todd, I guarantee I make too much money for ANY government grants. Trust me, I have been looking into them for YEARS now. I make really good money on paper, until you see my bills. The government and grants don't look at your bills, only what you make. Even then, I can't physically go to school right now because I need the overtime.

I just wanted some reassurance that Jacob will be okay with my very loving caring family if I am activated. It will be hard, on both of us, but I'm looking at the future and how sacrificing some time with him NOW will affect the future. I only need to sign up for 6 years, if it's too hard then I can always discharge after my term is up. I really didn't want to start a pissing contest, but to be honest I was really mainly looking for military families' experiences. I come from a military family, and have multiple family members with kids that serve, but I came here to get a little more guidance. Being a single mom changes everything. I am stuck. I have looked at alternatives, for years. I can't budge.

(P.s. this response isn't harsh or anything, I just think there were a few more details I needed to stress before any more further advice....)

LGray23, it seems like you have been doing your due diligence with research and weighing your options. Good on you, as a lot of folks do not do that. I would imagine that in the end your boy will be appreciative that he gets to grow up with the resources to be successful.


For those blindly bashing or dismissing the military, it seems you are enjoying your freedom with little respect for those who provide it. In that case, I hope you are doing something else for the greater good to earn the title citizen.

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Originally Posted by Slim

Show me where I slammed on your opinion? I simply asked what the basis for it was.

No, technically, you didn't

:rolleyes:

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just to point out when you ask two people in a row whether they served or not, it is condescending. if it was meant merely as a way to understand my perspective a bit more then thats fine and sorry for being defensive.

additionally I was unaware of the dependent care plan that they have. I must ask what are these like? what do they consist of?

Could be extremely valuable info to share.

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Originally Posted by LGray23

Todd, I guarantee I make too much money for ANY government grants. Trust me, I have been looking into them for YEARS now. I make really good money on paper, until you see my bills. The government and grants don't look at your bills, only what you make. Even then, I can't physically go to school right now because I need the overtime.

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Ok sounds like you looked into it. I did see where you mentioned that you would be working and taking online classes. my question (and again allow me to play devil’s advocate) would be is the Job Full-time while you are taking the online courses? and would that present a problem for you?

Like i said I only ask the questions I would hope my friends would ask me if I came to them for advice. and I am not saying don't do it. For me personally, it wasn't the best option. but that is due to the unique dynamic of my situation where yours may allow it far easier and be much more beneficial.

either way I wish you luck.

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Originally Posted by RyanT

Dude, give it a rest. It's obvious from your responses that being a sheep suckling on the government's teet like a good little mindless drone makes you feel very safe and secure. Enjoy that. You're exactly what they want and I'm sure they love you very very much. So adorable.

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.....not cool

Dependent care plan is where they have you prearrange who will be taking care of your kids. You sign power of attorneys so that this people can get there medical coverage and what not. Then also while deployed the unit your assigned to will go out of there way to support your family while you are gone. I had been Active Duty Air Force for 6yrs and then the Reserves for 6yrs more. My wife was Active duty for 7yrs and has been and still is a reservist for over 4. We had two children during this time, one of which has a terminal illness, and I can say that the military has been nothing but a blessing to us both. Not just in the income and support they provided while we were in, but in the job opportunities that were presented to us as a result of being in. Yeah I had to deal with my wife being gone for 7 months and being left with my 1yr old and 3yr old, but I dealt and I think we are stronger for it. I'll tell you though if you go Air Force reserves, and pick your job wisely you may never have to deploy unless you choose to. While in the reserves it has been a blessing, because often you can find orders to be put on fulltime when other jobs are unavailable. Then as soon as you find a job you can curtail your orders and start your new job. Plus you will meet tons of people who can offer you jobs. I truthfully believe that in your situation the good outways the bad.

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Originally Posted by LGray23

Bump, any more advice/guidance?

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If your not looking to go active duty then the military may be a very good option for you. Reserves will not require you to spend much time away from your kid.

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Originally Posted by Rob

You are a complete d bag, but hey it's guys like slim and I that give you the right to live in a country where you are free to be a complete d bag, your welcome.

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Easy with the name calling chief. I dont wanna see you get kicked off the forum bc of someone gettin under your skin...

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Originally Posted by RyanT

Dude, give it a rest. It's obvious from your responses that being a sheep suckling on the government's teet like a good little mindless drone makes you feel very safe and secure. Enjoy that. You're exactly what they want and I'm sure they love you very very much. So adorable.

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What do you do to contribute to your country? From the sounds of your statement any help would make you a pawn of the man! Do you just go around and try and tear everything down?

Sounds like Ryan is gunna be invited to the Veterans Day picnic next year lol...

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Originally Posted by tcutting

just to point out when you ask two people in a row whether they served or not, it is condescending.

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Actually it was a quirk of how the forum works...I was asking you when RyanT piped up. In other words, I didn't see his when I was asking you. I had a feeling where he was going, that's why I asked again.

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Originally Posted by tcutting

additionally I was unaware of the dependent care plan that they have. I must ask what are these like? what do they consist of?

Could be extremely valuable info to share.

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Our dependent care plan was a two part set up. We had to have a short term plan, for if we both had to pull a 24 hour shift at the same time. In those cases we had someone local near the base with a POA for the kids. For long term care when we both deployed at the same time members of both her family and ours had POAs for the kids and either took them or came to live with them in our home depending on what part of the school year it was. Our folks were invaluable in supporting us, especially right after 9-11. Starting with Operation Enduring Freedom I was deployed for 37 of the next 48 months, and she was deployed for 7 of those months.

And finally for RyanT
Bash away my friend. Call me every name in the book. Disrespect eveything I've ever done and stood for during my military career.

I take pride in the fact that not only do you have the freedom to do it, but that you are doing in English, on a free and public form, and that you have no fear of men in black fatigues kicking in your door.

That is a validation of my millitary career. Thank you for reminding me.

First off...to answer the original question from my own perspective...

I can't speak to the single-parent angle, because I'm the spouse. I imagine the challenges presented would be very different for you than anything I've experienced. But I CAN tell you that the support for military members and their family is very strong as a whole across the board, and I know from personal experience in the Air Force. And that is NOT some "empty promise" from a military recruiter with an agenda to fulfill. That's from someone who understands the commitment and sacrifices involved in choosing the military.

I also can't speak directly to how things work in the Reserves. We've always been Active Duty. Going on 22 years now. Some years he was gone more...but never so much as the Army or Navy or Marines.

The opportunities for personal growth and professional advancement (both in service and as a civilian) are tremendous and not to be discarded lightly.

And most of all...our children are VERY resilient. Of course we want to be with them as much as possible, but every challenge in their lives helps to form them into the adults they are going to be. Learning to be a little more independent, learning to make friends quickly, learning to adapt to new situations and surroundings, learning to be flexible and to bend without breaking ....all of this can lead toward an adult you will be supremely proud to have raised. It's not that you might be away from him sometimes...it's how you choose to handle it that will set the tone for his own personal growth.

Feel free to PM me anytime if I can help with any questions or whatever.

And to RYAN....I said it to you in private (if you've the wits to find it) and I'll say it again here in front of everyone. It's VERY rare for someone to actually make me seriously consider breaking the rules of my own site. But you did just that. Bully for you. Aren't you just the big man on campus because you can look at the people who work their asses off and sacrifice more than you can possibly know and think they are simply "sucking off the government teat." Go ahead, Ryan....keep it up....and you might find yourself looking for another site to spread your crappy attitude on.

As I have said before, I have no military experience what so ever. But I would like to say...... Thank you to all military folks! Thank you for your service, and Thank you for my freedom!. Best of luck to you Leah, in whatever decision you make.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Slim

Our dependent care plan was a two part set up. We had to have a short term plan, for if we both had to pull a 24 hour shift at the same time. In those cases we had someone local near the base with a POA for the kids. For long term care when we both deployed at the same time members of both her family and ours had POAs for the kids and either took them or came to live with them in our home depending on what part of the school year it was. Our folks were invaluable in supporting us, especially right after 9-11. Starting with Operation Enduring Freedom I was deployed for 37 of the next 48 months, and she was deployed for 7 of those months.

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Ok so it sounds like they do the best to help out in ensuring the child's best interest are taken care of. now knowing this i can easily see its appeal. between paying for school and Job training combined with the above(plus your other post), seems like it very well is a good option. Plus I know when i look at resumes and I see the person was in the military, it is a big plus.

Leah it seems like you are set on this and you feel it is the best fit and you have considered all the angles and the options. with that said, best of luck to you and thank you for being able/brave enough to go for it.

and Slim, thank you for your service. by no means was i trying to put down serving. I always seem to be the one to play devils advocate and take a contradictory perspective which sometimes my not always paint a clear image of what my full opinion is.