Military with children?

[Skittles1101]

Sorry I haven't been on lately, I've had a lot of personal issues going on. Basically I would like people's opinions and advice on being in the military WITH children involved.

Every since middle school, my original plan was to join the military after high school...until I got pregnant at 17. Obviously, that changed everything. Since my divorce, I've been in one semi-serious relationship, and one very serious relationship that has crashed and burned. I've lived on my own with my son, and I am SO grateful for my job, but I just barely get by. I can't go to college more than one class at a time because I can't turn down over time for school, I can't take online classes because they are so expensive, and I feel like I am stuck.

My son is 5 years old. My parents are willing to take over custody for ANY reason (basic, job training, deployment). He also has his father, as much as I dislike him, he would take him in the event of a long deployment. I feel like the Army Reserves or National Guard would really benefit us for the long run. I mean, they will pay for my school, I could afford online classes AND work full time, PLUS get paid for my work done with the Army. It's only one weekend a month and 2-4 weeks in the summer (when he's at his dad's house anyways). Less people are being deployed right now, but I know I can't bank on not getting deployed. I guess I'm looking for a little guidance. I NEED to do something more with my life. I don't have any crazy skills that will get me far, I don't have a college degree to fall back on. I really want the achievement and the experience. The veteran status could help me for life.

The only thing stopping me right now is my son. I'm scared that I'm being selfish by leaving him. I really feel like this will help us later on. I want to give him the best life he can possibly have, and I'm doing okay now, but I'm capable of so much more I just haven't had the opportunity. I feel like this is an opportunity just waiting to happen, the only problem is I have to sacrifice 6 months minimum + possibly 15 months (for deployment) with my son. Are the long term benefits really worth that? Please help lol.

[Gomojoe]

Go air force and you'll drastically lower the likelihood of deployment and decrease the duration if you do deploy, plus you will be more desirable to employers once you get out.


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[The Serpent Merchant]

I'd say it is worth it, as long as there are people that you trust to take care of your son during training/possible deployments you should be able to get by and things will be better later on.

I wish you the best, and hope you can come to a decision that you feel is best.

[zach_24_90]

Growing up around the military has been a lot of fun for me. As a kid with a parent in the military you grow up knowing your not going to see your parents sometimes for a year at a time.. i have been doing it for 22 years now and its just second nature. i would say its better to start while they are young so they are used to it by the time the really understand whats going on. it really isnt as bad as it seems. i think kids in military families mature a lot more as well. like i dont really know how to explain it.. but its who i am and its all ive known. you see all these reality shows where the husband and wives or kids get split up for a week and they are like all crying and crap when they get reunited and its like... its a week people omg my mom and my brother and i dont get to see my dad for a year sometimes.. he has missed birthdays, holidays, annivisarys, you name it my dad has missed it but its all just conditioning... and if you really want to make a career out of it i would totally recommend getting stationed overseas once your kid is old enough to appreciate it. i lived in italy when i was 9-11 and it was sooo amazing. at the time it was just living in another country but now i can truly understand i had an experience most people can only dream about. i have traveled the world on the tax payers money. so im just letting you know from a kids point of view... having been through it for 22 years now.. its a life experience that i would never want to have had any other way. i would not have wanted to grow up a "normal" kid in the same town for 20 years i wouldnt trade the moves and the new houses and new friends for anything. so when it comes down to it.. i have learned this....its not about the time spent apart when somebody is deployed.... its about how you spend the time you have together when they are home. your child will understand one day why you did what you had to do. i know i grew into it. im sure they can too... hope that helps

[Skittles1101]

I was hoping to speak to an Air Force Reserve and National Guard recruiter too, I spoke to the Army National Guard recruiter today. The thing that really kind of sold me on the Army Reserves was he said once I take the ASVAB (which I am taking Thursday) and I select a job that is available, it is reserved for me. I go into basic knowing what job I am jumping into, and it doesn't change. He said the other branches don't do that, and you usually don't end up with the job you wanted. He could have just been blowing smoke as I'm sure they do, but that peace of mind knowing I will be in a 4 month job training program as opposed to a 12 month job training program really helped...

I also want to add that I am only considering reserves of some sort, I absolutely can't make it a career as active duty because I am technically a single parent. Another thing that sold me on the reserves is, they are the only ones accepting single parents...

[DooLittle]

I had been wondering where you had been, we missed you. I have no military experience. However, if you can spend a little time now, to make things better in the long run, probably would be great for you. That's great that you want more for you and your son. (Here's the part where I don't help) Being a mother though, I couldn't handle being away from my daughter. It would be very hard not to see her, even if I knew it was better for both of us in the long run. I wish you well in whatever you do, and hope everything works out ok for you. Keep your chin up!!

[GoFride]

Do it! You're not cheating your son, you're trying to build a better future that will benefit both of you.

[Skittles1101]

I spoke to the Army National Guard recruiter today.

Ahhhh I meant Army Reserves, I spoke to Army Reserves today lol.

Being that my ex husband lives in Michigan, and I am in Massachusetts with my son, I have gone as long as 3 months without him (summer, with his dad). It was VERY hard in the beginning to let him go, but sadly, as time goes on it does get easier. I still miss him like crazy when he's not with me, even for my shifts at work, but at least I'm not a blubbering mess when he leaves now lol. I think it will be VERY difficult if I get deployed, I can't imagine 15 months without him...but like I said I really think this will help both of us out in the long run. I just can't wait to see his face if I graduate from basic training, I think he'll actually like the idea of his mommy being a soldier lol.

[RestlessRobie]

Well all I can add is I was in the Marines for a number of years and basically it was hell on my relationship with my wife I was always and I meanalways deployed out fo 6years of marriage I was only state side for 168 days and very little of it was more than a couple days. If you have the plan in place for just in case you get deployed for a long period of time do it. But be thoughfull of the possible 6mo to 1.5year deployment that could very easily happen

[Mike41793]

Neither of my parents were in the military but i did have a split family. By the time i was old enough to know what was going on it was already second nature to go back and forth between my mom and dads house. Your son is still young. I say go in now and serve. Idk how long people usually stay in for? Like 2 years? If its the reserve maybe more? Idk honestly. But even if you do like 5 years and get out then your son will only be like 10 years old. I suggest the air force bc i believe that they have the highest rate of discharging people with Associates Degrees. One of my teachers was in the Army and he told everyone if they wante to go into the military go into the air force bc of this. Also bc they had the nicest barracks lol. So if you go in for a few years and get paid to earn an AA or even BS maybe then it will benefit your son in the long run. He wont see you all the time for a few years but it wont be forever. With a college deg youll be able to re enter the workforce making alot more money, that you could put towards something like your sons education. Theres also probably special scholarships just for kids from military families. It may seem like a negative thing in the beginning but once you get discharged and are holding a degree youll be alot happier and youll be able to spend more time with your son again!
This is just my 2 cents on everything. Idk a whole lot about military stuff so i apologize to all you veterans in advance if i messed up some terminology or something lol