Down and out.

I don't care if anyone reads this or responds. I suppose I just need to vent how I am feeling.

I am pretty much just considering giving up on pretty much everything at this point. Due to some life changing events that I did not want, it seems like I don't care about much anymore. My relationship is all but over, and to the point I don't care.

Have you ever felt like saying forget it to everything? I am not talking about suicide, but just plain giving up. Pretty much just zombieing out and going through the motions?

I seem to have lost my "give a ..."

I used to love my girlfriend. Now we barely speak. I went a month without seeing her. I will never find anyone like her again, she is everything you would want in a gf, except physically. AND except in one choice she made in life. Now I no longer see her as the person that I loved. I am still in love with that person, but see her as someone totally different. I hate and resent this new person for changing my life so drastically.

I used to be an avid gamer. I used to play WoW as well as a tabletop wargame known as Warhammer 40k. I don't care to even so much as long on to WoW anymore. I have no motivation to level or do anything. I have no motivation to talk to my friends on there which are all probably gone anyway. As far as 40k goes, not only do I not have the will to bother to try to play, but I also don't have the will or care to work on the models I need to play the game. I have thousands of dollars of stuff just laying around that I may never pick up again.

My fish and snakes used to be a large part of my world. I was so excited to start breeding. Now I could care less. I feed them. I water them. As far as the fish go, I do the bare minimum of water changes, but they do get done. But thats it. I haven't bothered to actually hold one my animals in a long while. Don't get me wrong. I do make sure they are healthy because I know I am responsible for their care, but I do it based on that reason only. I look at it as something I simply have to do, not because I love it anymore. Part of what burnt me out was not being able to sell most of my baby corn snakes. I am still stuck with them. The government has not helped with what seem like a ban on my animals every single day. I am just sick of it all. I don't even often turn my fish lights on to view them.

I have an older xbox that I haven't touched in months. I have a few games half finished but I don't even care. I have no interest in finishing them. The thing just sits there and collects dust.

Finally to the point of my friends. I am considering just abandoning them. Every last one of them. I tell them the problem I have in life, and they just can't grip what I am so upset about. They think I should be happy with my situation and how things turned now. They simply can not fathom why I would be the total opposite about it. I am pretty much just tired of them. They are nothing but a bother to me at this point. It is so much effort to even pick up the phone when one of them calls.

As far as my job goes, I am pretty much sick to death of that as well. I go in every day and have to deal with the stupidity of the corporate retail world. Now it is the stupidity of the corporate retail world around the holidays. The ignorance of people at this point just makes me think the entire human race is a waste of air on this planet. I used to love what I did, but now as with everything else, I do it because I have to.

I take no pleasure in anything anymore. I eat because I have to, not because I like food. I drink because I have to. I drink alcohol only to ease the pain. My girlfriend, or whatever she is at this point, wants me to get on anti-depressant medication. The problem is I don't believe in that. I can understand if someone is depressed due to a chemical imbalance, then it is a medical issue that needs addressed. But I am depressed just due to life sucking so very bad for me. There are no "make life not suck" pills. Anything I take would just be false happiness.

Sorry for the super long rant. Has anyone else been there?

Ok don’t get mad at me but MAN UP! Quit being a wuss and take some responsibility with your life.
If your life is not going in the direction you want it’s Your fault and yours alone. Giving up is not the answer. If you are at rock bottom and can’t get any lower Up is not the only choice there is. People forget there is a sideways. Pick a new direction and stick to it. You just need a change of scenery. And don’t throw it away because of some chick. It’s a girlfriend, you shouldn't have that strong of an attachment.
If it’s not working out and you split up then that’s a good thing. It means one of you isn't happy. And who wants to be unhappy. If you really loved her then you should be happy for her no matter what. And find a new one. There are billions of people in the world just pick a new one you like. It’s easy.

Or if it’s just normal depression get some medical help. :cool:

I love in Omaha if you need to get away come visit me. Ill hook you up with some chicks. I work with several hot and crazy ones. Oh, and they have Money.

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Have you ever felt like saying forget it to everything? I am not talking about suicide, but just plain giving up. Pretty much just zombieing out and going through the motions?

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I spent my life until I was 9 with a father in the Air Force, and after that I moved constantly, never really spent more than 4 years in the same place until highschool. I get to this point pretty easily, and I am very good at just dropping everything and moving.

I used to play Warhammer 40k and Fantasy, and I just got into it again because I feel like working on my Chapter Fluff.

Abandoning friends is easy, I get like that a lot and just drop people, I'm very lucky to have found a military brat as a friend, people on the outside don't get it and tend to hold grudges or not understand the urge to really just disappear, but one of my college friends is the same way because she spent her whole life in a military family, and we both get to the point where we disappear for a while, but we do come back and say sorry.

About 2 weeks ago I was trying to figure out how to kill myself effectively, all the ODing options turned out to require an amount of the drug that would make one ill before hitting, stupid LD50s. I finally figured on just chlorine gas in a closet, but I decided not to die recently and stopped self mutilating myself and got back on the whole life thing, but I found that I have issues now starting conversations with new people, which irks me since at the beginning of the semester I was known for my ability to talk to anyone.

The loss of desire is a temporary effect of depression. I spent 3 weeks not eating regularly and having a horridly irregular heartbeat, all from depression. It was hard to even go to school and my grades have been slipping. But it goes away, it's part of dealing with loss, and its really one of those grit your teeth and bear it things, which is horrid and is not what anyone wants to hear. You always look for a quick fix, and there really arent any.

You will find someone new, in time, but right now I'd suggest not trying to push out of your depression, but to push into it. Force yourself to think of things that hurt you emotionally, and keep at it, the more you think about it and face it the faster everything will pass by. And I dont mean fast as in 2 days, I mean weeks of agony, but over time it all will seem like its been handled, you've been through all of it, and you'll be able to stand back up and be fine.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way, and I wish I could help more, but really the only person who can help you is you, and it stinks even more that a characteristic of being depressed is a sense of powerlessness. I'm actually glad I learned all of this prior to my most recent state of depression, because had I not known as much as I do about neurochemistry then this could have gone on a lot longer and been a lot more damaging.

No matter how powerless you feel, you are the only one with power, dont grant that to anyone else, the only person with control over you is you.

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Originally Posted by stormwulf133

...My girlfriend, or whatever she is at this point...

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This is probably the root cause of all your problems. I say this not because I'm a psychologist but because it was for me. I went from living with her for four years to seeing her once a week or month for a few hours at a time and only being able to contact her through email. I don't even know how I can classify that as a girlfriend.

I was an avid gamer also, spending a lot of time playing WoW too. I started playing because it was fun but slowly I started playing to live in an alternate reality. Eventually that didn't work and I didn't want to do anything. I'd log onto the game and watch TV.

At some point I hit a breaking point and I decided that I wouldn't give a crap about her if she didn't care about me the same way. Suddenly she was expendable and I could do without her. If you're anything like me you imagine what you want in a girlfriend, it's nothing different than her, just a version of her that makes more time for you.

Anyway, the only way you're going to be happy is if you understand that you have control over your situation, though some decisions are tough, and you stop putting so much effort into things you have no control over.

Good luck.

Nobody is immune to depression, some get it worse then others, while some are less effected by it. You will find out, however, that life is about perspectives, and perspectives are a result of how you look at things. This means you need to get out of the box you are in and talk to people like you are doing here. Also, anyone that gives you a hard time about "manning up" does not understand that we all go through things through the course of our lives. But, I will say that gaming, herping, girlfriends and anything else are about moderation; each of those things are in your control, meaning, you decide how much WoW to play, or, how many herps to have, or even, how your girlfriend stuff goes. At the end of the day, you can only control your actions, and your actions start with how you think, so start focusing on small positive things in your life and then graduate to bigger positives, whatever they may be.

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Originally Posted by BrandonsBalls

Nobody is immune to depression, some get it worse then others, while some are less effected by it. You will find out, however, that life is about perspectives, and perspectives are a result of how you look at things. This means you need to get out of the box you are in and talk to people like you are doing here. Also, anyone that gives you a hard time about "manning up" does not understand that we all go through things through the course of our lives. But, I will say that gaming, herping, girlfriends and anything else are about moderation; each of those things are in your control, meaning, you decide how much WoW to play, or, how many herps to have, or even, how your girlfriend stuff goes. At the end of the day, you can only control your actions, and your actions start with how you think, so start focusing on small positive things in your life and then graduate to bigger positives, whatever they may be.

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You make a really good point about MODERATION, just want to emphasize that. Also the idea of perspectives is very important. Two different people could be presented with the same exact scenario but react in different ways because of past experiences. I agree with you about the "manning up" statement also. It's funny that in our society things that have been labeled "manly" are generally very unhealthy and probably why women outlive men.

One thing I meant to say in my first post and you reminded me of is that I don't think what I felt in my situation was depression at all. I felt anger, a lot of it, but I didn't want to direct it to where it was being generated out of fear. There are many things that can give you a physical outlet for anger, such as working out, but only one thing will give you the necessary psychological outlet and that is confronting the source.

BG hasn't been quite that bad, but Big Gunns knows some of what you're feeling. You need to get away from it all. Take a vacation...NOW!!!!! It sounds like the gf might have a lot to do with your issues, but you're not telling us everything. Get in your car and drive to Florida....NOW!!!! Laying on the beach without anyone to bother you will really help you clear your head. Tell the boss you have the swine flu and roll.

It really seems like you need some sort of life change though. A vacation will help you realize what you want to do. Good luck to you. Don't just do nothing. BG tells everyone. If your life sucks...only you can change it....do it!!!!!!:gj:

Don’t hate me because I was trying the tough love approach. It worked for me when I was in the Marines. I had a gun in my mouth but was too much of a coward to pull the trigger. And it’s a good thing. I now have the perfect marriage and the perfect life.
Sometimes when people are depressed they just need a kick in the pants to get them going again. Im not saying this is the case but most of them are just looking for attention so you can’t baby them.

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Originally Posted by Darkice

Don’t hate me because I was trying the tough love approach. It worked for me when I was in the Marines. I had a gun in my mouth but was too much of a coward to pull the trigger. And it’s a good thing. I now have the perfect marriage and the perfect life.
Sometimes when people are depressed they just need a kick in the pants to get them going again. Im not saying this is the case but most of them are just looking for attention so you can’t baby them.

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It all makes sense now, say no more marine... Or did we call you jarheads. :rofl: No offense, I was a flyboy.

Tough love and saying "man up" are two different things in my opinion. Tough love is presenting reality. Telling someone to "man up" is telling them they need to fit the societal image of a man who is tough, rugged and impermeable, in other words in-human. I don't disagree with everything you said, just one thing.

Have a doctor check your thyroid hormone levels. I spent a year on anti-depressants and they weren't helping. I wasn't interested in anything, I had no energy or motivation. The only reason I would get out of bed was because I had to go to work. I finally went to a different Dr. who decided to check my thyroid levels and turns out mine was way low. Turns out depression, lack of intrest and lack of energy are some of the symptoms of an inactive thyroid (hypo-thyroidism). Look it up on WebMD and see if this might be part of the problem...


Rob

Well it took me a while to think about what I wanted to write to you. I still am not sure that I will get my point across.

First of all changing friends...sometimes in life I do believe that you have to get away from ppl that might not be good for you. However in your case it sounds like the person you need to get away from is the ex girlfriend.

Stay positive....and let me tell you it is much harder to do then to say. Before you go to bed each night...talk about your situation....I am not saying pray...but talk to a higher power. Sounds stupid but actually talking about it seems to make you more clear in regards to what is going on. When you talk about it...be honest (no one is there to hear you). And when you talk about it...try to make yourself speak positive.

Try to find a counsler....trust me I use to think this was a bunch of crap....however...it does help if you find the right one. And don't be worried to change if you don't like the one you have. There are a few out there that are pretty koo koo ca choo....so if you don't mesh with one...get another. If you don't have the money....there are counseling agencies that work with you. Look at it this way....it CANNOT hurt.

In regards to medication....you do not have to have a chemical imbalance. Through life sometimes there are times that we as humans have a hard time dealing with. Doesn't make us chemically imbalanced...just makes us human. As we mature our bodies change and sometimes it is harder to rebound from things. Now trust me on this...I am 43 yrs old...and use to think ppl taking meds were ridiculous....just snap the heck out of it. Well then came my issue....mind you I am a pretty typical girl...I have a great husband a great son, a great house...etc. I thought I was having a heat attack...mind you...I was in great shape too. This started happening 3 years ago when my hubby went to Iraq. You COULD NOT convince me that this was a mental thing. It took them 3 years and dozens of specialist and tests to finally convince me it was not a physical thing. It was anxiety. Well....I am now 6 months into taking a pill for this. No chemical imbalance....just anxiety. I still sometimes go back to ...no way this is the problem. But I have to admitt since taking the pill each day I have had no more....Oh my god I am having a heart attack. The reason for this story is to show you....even the most balanced ppl need some help sometime. Its ok...we are human and NOT perfect. We just sometimes need help. Depression can cause all kinds of other problems as well if not handled. I pretty much blew up my digestive system due to the anxiety. Don't let that happen to you...deal with your situation and you will be smarter and better in the future.

Ok...hope this helps you put some stuff in perspective. Take responsiblity for your depression...remember only you can control your emotions.

I went through a stage of depression already that lasted for a very long time. I used to have thoughts of ending it all. Not to kill myself mind you, but to just make everything go away. I sought the help of a counselor and a psychiatrist. I am on meds for the depression and I have never looked back. There is no shame in seeking help and to have to possibly take meds for a while to get yourself back to where you need to be. Everyone has given you great advice here. Ultimately, you are in control of what happens here and you have some decisions to make.

You obviously are hurt by some act that your girlfriend did and you are emotionally crushed at this point and temporarily depressed. That she is still around and urging you to take antidepressants would indicate that you really would like to work things out with her. So you must either decide to work things out or move on. Either way your zest for life will eventually return.

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Originally Posted by BPelizabeth

Well it took me a while to think about what I wanted to write to you. I still am not sure that I will get my point across.

First of all changing friends...sometimes in life I do believe that you have to get away from ppl that might not be good for you. However in your case it sounds like the person you need to get away from is the ex girlfriend.

Stay positive....and let me tell you it is much harder to do then to say. Before you go to bed each night...talk about your situation....I am not saying pray...but talk to a higher power. Sounds stupid but actually talking about it seems to make you more clear in regards to what is going on. When you talk about it...be honest (no one is there to hear you). And when you talk about it...try to make yourself speak positive.

Try to find a counsler....trust me I use to think this was a bunch of crap....however...it does help if you find the right one. And don't be worried to change if you don't like the one you have. There are a few out there that are pretty koo koo ca choo....so if you don't mesh with one...get another. If you don't have the money....there are counseling agencies that work with you. Look at it this way....it CANNOT hurt.

In regards to medication....you do not have to have a chemical imbalance. Through life sometimes there are times that we as humans have a hard time dealing with. Doesn't make us chemically imbalanced...just makes us human. As we mature our bodies change and sometimes it is harder to rebound from things. Now trust me on this...I am 43 yrs old...and use to think ppl taking meds were ridiculous....just snap the heck out of it. Well then came my issue....mind you I am a pretty typical girl...I have a great husband a great son, a great house...etc. I thought I was having a heat attack...mind you...I was in great shape too. This started happening 3 years ago when my hubby went to Iraq. You COULD NOT convince me that this was a mental thing. It took them 3 years and dozens of specialist and tests to finally convince me it was not a physical thing. It was anxiety. Well....I am now 6 months into taking a pill for this. No chemical imbalance....just anxiety. I still sometimes go back to ...no way this is the problem. But I have to admitt since taking the pill each day I have had no more....Oh my god I am having a heart attack. The reason for this story is to show you....even the most balanced ppl need some help sometime. Its ok...we are human and NOT perfect. We just sometimes need help. Depression can cause all kinds of other problems as well if not handled. I pretty much blew up my digestive system due to the anxiety. Don't let that happen to you...deal with your situation and you will be smarter and better in the future.

Ok...hope this helps you put some stuff in perspective. Take responsiblity for your depression...remember only you can control your emotions.

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That's great courage shown Michelle.

She starts with a great point about friends. Friends are often a huge influence in our lives and should be changed if that is negative.

The second point is to talk about it. It doesn't matter who you talk about it to. It may help just to say it aloud to yourself. The point is to get someone else involved, anybody. Tell a bum who you see every three months, just tell anyone. If someone starts expecting something from you, you will deliver.

A counselor is just someone who listens, they don't need a special title. It really doesn't matter who this person is. It could be a brother, sister, cousin, distant aunt, great-great uncle... Or a stranger who cares about your well being. Tell your story to someone who truely cares and it will make all the difference in the world.

Thank you for all your replies everyone. I just am still not sure anything will help. To make a point, this is NOT over the girlfriend. This is over the life altering decision she made, as well as all the little stuff that has built up over the years.

I am just not sure what to do anymore. Nothing seems to help. To those who said check my thyroid etc. That was already done a year ago or so when I started to get this bad.

I have talked to plenty of people and just don't like what they have to say. To that effect, yes I am not telling everything. If I did, a lot more of you would be saying things I don't like. Also, some of the reasons I would be hesitant to leave the GF are better left to QT or unsaid.

And BG, if I could afford a vacation, I would take one. I used up all my vacation time working a 2nd job, and when my gf was in the hospital anyway.

To the people who offered to hook me up with chicks, (sorry I just read like a novels worth of posts and i just woke up and don't remember who said it) I wouldn't find one that I was happy with.

Thanks everyone for trying to help.

My very first love CRUSHED me when he broke up with me. I was a walking zombie, I lost tons of weight because I couldn't eat. I took sleeping pills when I didn't have to work, so that I could just sleep away my days. I found no joy in ANYTHING.

Then one day, a very wise person told me "depression cannot hit a moving target". In other words - MAKE yourself get out and do things, stay busy, even when you don't want to. For me, it was volunteering in my community. I'd wake up days and NOT want to go and fulfill my obligation of volunteering, but I kept at it. I volunteered my BUTT off - and you know what? During that time, I learned to love myself. I came out of that funk, and I grew from that experience. I learned that the next time a relationship didn't work out, I'd be fine. Because I really do like the person that I am, and I LOVE giving my time to others who are less fortunate than myself. While I received compliments for giving my time, there really was a selfish motive behind it - I did it, because it made me feel like I had worth. And I knew that I was making a difference in people's lives.

In Atlanta we have a volunteer organization called Hands On Atlanta, which has volunteer opportunities all over the city. From mentoring a child, to helping drive loved ones to see their incarcerated loved ones (often HOURS away) through a church sponsored program, to cleaning up someone's yard. I also became a "buddy" to a person with HIV/AIDS. After he lost his battle with AIDS, it was very hard to get another buddy, but I did. And lost her as well. But I know that my non-judgemental friendship made a difference in their lives.

These days I volunteer with Canine Assistants that trains service dogs for the physically disabled. In fact, I have a dog laying at my feet right now that will go to work with me tomorrow to get work place experience before he's placed.

I'm very sorry that you're dealing with these struggles in your life right now - but I think if you practice "depression can't hit a moving target", you'll start to feel better.

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Originally Posted by stormwulf133

To make a point, this is NOT over the girlfriend. This is over the life altering decision she made, as well as all the little stuff that has built up over the years.

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I'm not going to pretend that I know you. The statement I quoted above does prove that it has to do with her. I don't care how small you may want to make it appear, the only thing that has that much control of our lives is the decisions and opinions of the ones we love. The fact that you still take care of your animals, as minimal as that may be, is proof of that.

I don't think a vacation is going to solve your problems, you've probably been on some sort of mental vacation for awhile. I also don't think a random chick will do any good, it will probably make things worse since you do care about the girl you see yourself in a relationship with.

I know you're holding back on a lot of your true feelings. You may not be ready to share them with anyone. I will provide you with an unjudging ear if you want to work anything out. Send me a PM. I promise I do understand some of it, just maybe not all of it at this point.

What can I say...

About your girl friend either works things out or move on, the longer you stay in the "what do I do about her" stage, the longer you will feel down, and that feeling will continue to grow more and more the longer you stay like that.

As per deppression. My mothers family suffers from deppression, Mine have started to surface in the more recent years. I have learned to cope with it without prescriptions for the most part. For some reason sometimes when I argue with my GF, it will surface and make me cry for no real reason. To me it seems that the person you realy care about makes it surface the most.

I used to be an avid gamer too, video games were my life so of speak. But as I started to grow older in the recent years, I have grown out of them, not by choise, it just happened.... I dont have much interest in video games, unless there is a realy good game I realy want to play. The last game I played was Gears Of War 2, I havent touched my xbox in months after that. I was always more of a PC gamer, I used to MAKE a new PC every year no joke! My last computer is 3 years old. I also have a few Xbox and PC games that I havent finished, but I dont think that has nothing to do with depression, I have just lost interest in video games for the most part. I do want to play Diablo 3 though ;)

What ever it is thats making you deppressed, you need to get rid of it from your life... or it will bring deppression to everything else in your life. I've been there. I lost appetite for a year, I would even throw up water sometimes, not that I wanted to, I was just so deppresed. I quit my job back then and left school for a while, until I recovered. Now I feel great, yes Sometimes I will feel deppressed and there is nothing wrong with letting a few tears run down your face, but just dont let it affect your life, just get up and wash your face after. I used to stare at the mirror in the restroom after washing my face and say "you will not bring me down (insert a few bad words here)..."

As for doctors and prescriptions... Well I'll just say that they didnt work for me and that kind of thing wasnt for me. But hey everyone is different, maybe It will work for you. :gj:

Well I could go on about this, but that pretty much sums it up, hope it helps... :D

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Originally Posted by rabernet

My very first love CRUSHED me when he broke up with me. I was a walking zombie, I lost tons of weight because I couldn't eat. I took sleeping pills when I didn't have to work, so that I could just sleep away my days. I found no joy in ANYTHING.

Then one day, a very wise person told me "depression cannot hit a moving target". In other words - MAKE yourself get out and do things, stay busy, even when you don't want to. For me, it was volunteering in my community. I'd wake up days and NOT want to go and fulfill my obligation of volunteering, but I kept at it. I volunteered my BUTT off - and you know what? During that time, I learned to love myself. I came out of that funk, and I grew from that experience. I learned that the next time a relationship didn't work out, I'd be fine. Because I really do like the person that I am, and I LOVE giving my time to others who are less fortunate than myself. While I received compliments for giving my time, there really was a selfish motive behind it - I did it, because it made me feel like I had worth. And I knew that I was making a difference in people's lives.

In Atlanta we have a volunteer organization called Hands On Atlanta, which has volunteer opportunities all over the city. From mentoring a child, to helping drive loved ones to see their incarcerated loved ones (often HOURS away) through a church sponsored program, to cleaning up someone's yard. I also became a "buddy" to a person with HIV/AIDS. After he lost his battle with AIDS, it was very hard to get another buddy, but I did. And lost her as well. But I know that my non-judgemental friendship made a difference in their lives.

These days I volunteer with Canine Assistants that trains service dogs for the physically disabled. In fact, I have a dog laying at my feet right now that will go to work with me tomorrow to get work place experience before he's placed.

I'm very sorry that you're dealing with these struggles in your life right now - but I think if you practice "depression can't hit a moving target", you'll start to feel better.

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Great information Robin, really.

This fight plan would take a serious commitment on behalf of the fighter. You would be deciding to face this challenge head on, alone. There is nothing wrong with choosing to have some support with you for this battle though. People around you care about you so make the best decision for yourself while including those people.

join the military or the peace corps.

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say your GF was much more than "just" a GF. My BF and I have been together for almost 5 years, and we still consider each other BF/GF, but we know we are much much more than that to each other.

I have a friend that is currently going zombie, and it kills me to see her this way. But, she won't do anything about it. She's obsessed with this guy and is always at his side even when he doesn't want her to be. He plays mind games, and she falls for them. She's thrown away her life for this stupid idiotic boy, and she doesn't even care. The difference? It sounds like you've been with this "GF" for a long time, and you guys had plans. He straight up told her "I don't see myself marrying you in the future" and she's STILL barking at his tree.

If I were in your shoes, I'd have to ask myself "Is this really something that can stop me from being happy, or can I find a way to make the best out of it?" I tend to always look on the bright side, so maybe my post is coming across too happy. Lately I've had to ask myself this question a few times, and it seems to be working out.

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Originally Posted by Elise.m

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say your GF was much more than "just" a GF.

If I were in your shoes, I'd have to ask myself "Is this really something that can stop me from being happy, or can I find a way to make the best out of it?" I tend to always look on the bright side, so maybe my post is coming across too happy. Lately I've had to ask myself this question a few times, and it seems to be working out.

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Four years actually for us. But barely. And this IS something that has stopped me from being happy. I have no way to make the best out of it because there is no silver lining for me. To some people this may be the best thing in the world.

I myself am not too keen on making the best of anything. To me that is settling, and pretending that something is what you want when its not. When life hands you lemons? I am allergic to lemons, I don't like lemonaid and will stuff the lemons up anyones #$# that tries to tell me such. :D

What does it mean when me and my friends are all watching House, and Wilson says to House, "Being miserable doesn't make you better than everyone else, it just makes you miserable." and everyone in the room turns and looks at me?

As I said before you are the only one who has any effect on you. You have all the power to change, and there are two ways of handing pain, ignore it and let it linger, or face it full on and burn yourself out to the point where you finally ask yourself "why" and end up moving on. It really sucks no matter how you go about it, but you'll eventually get over it.

I really think that you should voulenteer in your comminity. It can be helpful to other people and will make you have a purpose but if you feel thats not for you then that long 70 year or so vacation to the bahamas looks pretty good!

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Originally Posted by stormwulf133

Four years actually for us. But barely. And this IS something that has stopped me from being happy. I have no way to make the best out of it because there is no silver lining for me. To some people this may be the best thing in the world.

I myself am not too keen on making the best of anything. To me that is settling, and pretending that something is what you want when its not. When life hands you lemons? I am allergic to lemons, I don't like lemonaid and will stuff the lemons up anyones #$# that tries to tell me such. :D

What does it mean when me and my friends are all watching House, and Wilson says to House, "Being miserable doesn't make you better than everyone else, it just makes you miserable." and everyone in the room turns and looks at me?

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Sounds like an extremely hard place you're in. For me personally, I'd probly just take things day by day, zombie it out and see what comes/stays. I hope things get better, or at least don't stay the way they are.

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Originally Posted by stormwulf133

Has anyone else been there?

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Yes. I definitely know exactly how you feel, as hard as it may be to believe, there are other people out there who at one point felt or may currently feel exactly as you do. I hope it is a comfort to know that at least you're not abnormal, even though it sucks to think about how many people experience that kind of misery.

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Originally Posted by stormwulf133

My girlfriend, or whatever she is at this point, wants me to get on anti-depressant medication. The problem is I don't believe in that. I can understand if someone is depressed due to a chemical imbalance, then it is a medical issue that needs addressed. But I am depressed just due to life sucking so very bad for me. There are no "make life not suck" pills. Anything I take would just be false happiness.

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I used to be completely anti-anti-depressant.

It is true that there is no such thing as a "make life not suck" pill, but I CAN tell you that anti-depressants are something prescribed as a temporary relief whose issues stem from life troubles rather than pure abnormal brain chemistry. And they work.

The one thing I advise you to do is at least consider seeing a therapist for depression. In fact I'd probably advise just about anyone going through life troubles or feeling depressed for multiple weeks to go talk to a therapist for a session or two.

Depression is probably not only the most commonly diagnosed chronic problem for adults (estimated at 1 in 4), but also probably the most common problem that goes undiagnosed.

I knew for years that I had problems with depression. I felt as you did, I went through the motions as best I could, and in college I dealt with the extra stress with drugs and alcohol, which contrary to many people's opinions do in fact work as well. I owe my life to recreational drugs and alcohol (quite literally), but it would have been better for me to have done the smart thing and see a therapist and a doctor, which I did this past summer.

The problem is that I spent way too long 'knowing' but denying my problems as long as I could deal with them. Eventually they became too much for me to handle which is what triggered me trying to get help.

I don't want to see anyone have to get to the edge of that emotional cliff and begin to fall before they at least find a bit of relief.

I highly suggest you find a cheap local clinic with a therapist and just go in for a talk. They may suggest you talk to a doctor about getting on meds, but are always helping out patients work around their wishes, and again it's only TALKING to a doctor about their recommendations. I was the biggest anit-therapist and anti-med person in the world until I tried it out for myself, and was surprised at how much they helped me deal with life's problems. In fact I doubt there isn't a single person in the world who I wouldn't advise they go see a therapist at least once, whether it be for general depression, work problems, relationship problems, the death of a close friend/family member.. The problems don't go away, but I was able to be better at dealing with them.

Just a bit of personal non-doctoral advice about meds: they are to help, they don't fix everything, but they were personally pretty darn good at making me enjoy the little things (food, pets, video games, TV, movies, reconnecting with a few friends and going out for food and drinks every couple of weekends), which sounds like something you might be interested in.

A note on anti-depressants:

They aren't uppers, they are not designed to make you feel happy, they arent designed to get you a high. They are mood levelers, they take you from depression to flat effect, thats it. Its entirely up to you to pull yourself up the rest of the way, but they keep you operating. They wont fully kick in for a few weeks, and you get to pass through the dangerous levels of depression, the levels where you actually are capable of making plans and following through with them, but you're still emotionally messed up. This leads to bad behavior, including suicide, if it isn't something that goes through your mind you're probably safe, but this is the area where people also do drugs and break laws, because they think it might be a good idea.

Mind altering drugs are just that, mind altering, they either stop your brain from reabsorbing chemicals that are released or they increase production of said chemicals.

I'm used to this level of depression, personally, and I'm used to the level you described, and I'm used to extreme emotional highs. Its always great being manic depressive. Drugs arent always needed and should only be used to get you back to functioning levels, if your depression is so bad it is affecting your work life.

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Originally Posted by Oxylepy

They aren't uppers, they are not designed to make you feel happy, they arent designed to get you a high. They are mood levelers, they take you from depression to flat effect, thats it. Its entirely up to you to pull yourself up the rest of the way, but they keep you operating. They wont fully kick in for a few weeks, and you get to pass through the dangerous levels of depression
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Drugs arent always needed and should only be used to get you back to functioning levels

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Very true.

In addition I forgot to mention: only a health professional can prescribe meds, and are the only ones capable of determining if it's a good idea for someone to try out.

Don't seek meds just because your girlfriend/whatever suggested it (she's not a doctor), or because they worked for someone else, my original post was to try and let people know that meds aren't "bad" and they don't make you "weak", in fact if it's recommended by a doctor then actually taking your meds IS BEING PROACTIVE ABOUT DEPRESSION. My original post was meant to emphasize that it's a good idea to seek outside help.

It was said that only you can help yourself. That is pretty much true, and often seeking outside help is in fact a good way to help yourself.

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Originally Posted by Vypyrz

Have a doctor check your thyroid hormone levels. I spent a year on anti-depressants and they weren't helping. I wasn't interested in anything, I had no energy or motivation. The only reason I would get out of bed was because I had to go to work. I finally went to a different Dr. who decided to check my thyroid levels and turns out mine was way low. Turns out depression, lack of intrest and lack of energy are some of the symptoms of an inactive thyroid (hypo-thyroidism). Look it up on WebMD and see if this might be part of the problem...


Rob

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This sounds like me. I plan on getting evaluated by my doctor once I get back in NY.

Also, you could possibly have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. You can Google it, along with epstein-barr virus. I had Mononucleosis as a teen, and have CFS now; it is pretty tough to get through some days (lack of energy; it is even worse when actual life-events blast me; kinda like a double-exhaustion.)
Lots of people will say "snap out of it." This can be impossible if you have underlying health issues that aren't being addressed. Anemia and diabetes, undiagnosed, cold be other energy-sapping conditions.

At any rate, I wish you the best.. it is a tough road. I am going through a lot of logistic/financial angst now.

Another good point I failed to address. You may need to seek help, and that can help you a lot, but what I was getting at is that you are the only one with the power to change you, outside help is useful, but it only helps if you're willing to change.

In highschool I went to a lot of psychologists and they will actually drop you as a client if they see you are completely adverse to change, its their right to do so, however if a hospital (psychiatric) determines that you need help they'll just put you with someone else, and you end up bouncing around until your psychiatrist decides you wont find anyone.

Personally I quit taking meds (Celexa) because of being in that active level of depression where one day I flat out decided I was going to kill myself but instead of going through with it I stopped taking my meds to decide later and realized it was a bad plan.

Anyway, the moral of my stupidity is that meds can definitely help, but they wont be a quick fix. Seeking outside help can definitely help if you go in actually wanting to go through with what they will tell you, but thats part of you actually deciding to change, its really all in your own hands, and it sucks because when you're depressed, truly depressed, you will feel like you have no power to change yourself, and it take a lot of work to really get there which is NEVER what a depressed person wants to hear.

And if anyone ever tells you to "snap out of it" punch them in the face. That is horrid advice and will do nothing more than make you feel worse. NO ONE has the power to just "snap out of it" it's impossible to do, they're pretty much telling you to suppress your feelings, which is EXTREMELY counterproductive.

This is only my personal opinions and story - take what you like, and toss the rest.

A few years ago, my Dr., after a routine physical, asked if I'd like to try something to improve my mood. Since my mood was pretty bleak, and I was experiencing physical pains as well, I agreed, and went onto Cymbalta. The drug removed the physical pain, and elevated my mood, but as someone else already mentioned, only to "flat". Pretty much left me not caring a rat's red rear end about anything at all. That wasn't working for me, so I took myself off the drug after 5 or 6 months - I preferred the pain. Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago, still not happy, and not caring about much; not getting much out of the things I love, and not having much motivation at all. And still having days where I could feel physical ache originating in my soul. I did a bit of research, and decided that it couldn't hurt to go down to the local CVS and try some of the things that're supposed to help with mood elevation: SAM-e, St. John's Wort, Omega-3s, and vitamins (just because). Guess what? I'm feeling more energy, and more _positive_ energy than I have in years. I'm not where I want to be, but I'm in a better place than I was last month.

For what it's worth.

I think the solution is different for each individual - I hope you find yours!

~Bruce - who still has life issues to cope with, but has more energy for 'em, and more smiles gettin' through 'em.

hulk hogan said he was down and out and ready to blow his brains out...and some old lady on an airplane gave him a copy of the secret.

but in addition to the secret, he also says he found god in the process.

he credits these two things into turning his life around.

maybe something to check into.

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