Ladies of Bp.Net, I need some help.

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Originally Posted by bsash

Well, I'm all the way out here in New Jersey, so I can't exactly meet anywhere. But like I said before, I'll be here if you just wanted to talk. I'm friendly I promise, ha ha.

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creepy ^^^^ LOL

http://4gifs.com/gallery/d/146537-1/..._me_rollin.gif

Laura, My earlier comment was rushed because I was just home on lunch. The guy I married was a total gentleman, always "taking care" of me. Eventually, "taking care" of me included deciding who I could and could not be friends with, accusing me of sleeping with everyone I spoke to, including one of my old high school girl-friends. He tried to turn me against my family, he guilted me into doing what he wanted, he convinced me that I did not need to work, which turned into not being allowed to go anywhere without him. He and I have two beautiful daughters together and because he is so good at playing the good guy, they now live with him and they only come to my house every other weekend. He took everything from me and when I left the house, I had a robe, a pair of flip-flops and nothing else. I had to have the police go back to the house with me to get some of my things and had to leave almost everything else behind including some of my pets. I found out later that when my 75+ lb senior dog started becoming incontinant (sp) he would punish him by picking him by his neck and throwing him across the room. I had no where to go, no friends and no one to turn to. At one point while I was reading about Great Danes (my favorite breed), he said he hated how much time I spent on animals and wished I was more passionate about other things.
I am now married to a wonderful man that is very supportive, but loves my independence. He is not a big animal lover, but understands that I am and always will be. I did have to convince him to let me get a dog because his ex always asked for pets and then would not take care of them. Once he saw that I take excellant care of my animals, he was much more comfortable with the idea and helps me with no question when I need help with them. I didn't think I'd ever get married again, but am so glad I did. We have our disagreements (who doesn't), but we work through them together. You don't need anyone else to make you happy. Find happiness within yourself and the right someone will find that happiness in you and do everything in their power to keep it there. Good luck, I wish you all the best!

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Originally Posted by Brunoheart

Laura, My earlier comment was rushed because I was just home on lunch. The guy I married was a total gentleman, always "taking care" of me. Eventually, "taking care" of me included deciding who I could and could not be friends with, accusing me of sleeping with everyone I spoke to, including one of my old high school girl-friends. He tried to turn me against my family, he guilted me into doing what he wanted, he convinced me that I did not need to work, which turned into not being allowed to go anywhere without him. He and I have two beautiful daughters together and because he is so good at playing the good guy, they now live with him and they only come to my house every other weekend. He took everything from me and when I left the house, I had a robe, a pair of flip-flops and nothing else. I had to have the police go back to the house with me to get some of my things and had to leave almost everything else behind including some of my pets. I found out later that when my 75+ lb senior dog started becoming incontinant (sp) he would punish him by picking him by his neck and throwing him across the room. I had no where to go, no friends and no one to turn to. At one point while I was reading about Great Danes (my favorite breed), he said he hated how much time I spent on animals and wished I was more passionate about other things.
I am now married to a wonderful man that is very supportive, but loves my independence. He is not a big animal lover, but understands that I am and always will be. I did have to convince him to let me get a dog because his ex always asked for pets and then would not take care of them. Once he saw that I take excellant care of my animals, he was much more comfortable with the idea and helps me with no question when I need help with them. I didn't think I'd ever get married again, but am so glad I did. We have our disagreements (who doesn't), but we work through them together. You don't need anyone else to make you happy. Find happiness within yourself and the right someone will find that happiness in you and do everything in their power to keep it there. Good luck, I wish you all the best!

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I am very sorry that happened to you, that sounds like it was incredibly difficult. It looks like you've come out of it a lot stronger.

Right now he just wrote me a long letter, pretty much begging me to not leave him and that he will change.

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Originally Posted by shescountry89

I am very sorry that happened to you, that sounds like it was incredibly difficult. It looks like you've come out of it a lot stronger.

Right now he just wrote me a long letter, pretty much begging me to not leave him and that he will change.

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dont fall for the classic line i will change. Point is we never change...:colbert:

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Originally Posted by shescountry89

I am very sorry that happened to you, that sounds like it was incredibly difficult. It looks like you've come out of it a lot stronger.

Right now he just wrote me a long letter, pretty much begging me to not leave him and that he will change.

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Please don't fall for that - he's already made it perfectly clear where he stands. :(

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Originally Posted by rabernet

Please don't fall for that - he's already made it perfectly clear where he stands. :(

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I'm trying, I really am :(

Mine promised to change, admitted he was wrong and begged for another chance (this was before we had our younger daughter). He changed long enough for me to feel comfortable and then right back to his old self. Sometimes it's so hard to see what is happening from the inside of the relationship and (no offense guys) us girls always feel like it is our job to make the relationship work. The fact of the matter is, if they are not willing to work just as hard as we are to make things work, it never will. Whatever you decide to do, just be VERY, VERY careful and always remember that when you are at a low spot, it won't matter how many people reach out to help you, YOU have to grab their hands and pull yourself up. The relationship I was in showed me that I needed to be strong for me and for my girls. The good news is, my 15 yr old is starting to date and just broke up with her "boyfriend" because he was becoming controlling and jealous of her other friends. She recognized the problem and dealt with it in short order. I am so very proud of her!!!!

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Originally Posted by shescountry89

I'm trying, I really am :(

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ur not trying hard enough. now drop and give me 20....wait what???LMAOOO just dont fall for that line. I may have used it once or twice :oops: Luckily for the girls it didnt work

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Originally Posted by Brunoheart

Mine promised to change, admitted he was wrong and begged for another chance (this was before we had our younger daughter). He changed long enough for me to feel comfortable and then right back to his old self. Sometimes it's so hard to see what is happening from the inside of the relationship and (no offense guys) us girls always feel like it is our job to make the relationship work. The fact of the matter is, if they are not willing to work just as hard as we are to make things work, it never will. Whatever you decide to do, just be VERY, VERY careful and always remember that when you are at a low spot, it won't matter how many people reach out to help you, YOU have to grab their hands and pull yourself up. The relationship I was in showed me that I needed to be strong for me and for my girls. The good news is, my 15 yr old is starting to date and just broke up with her "boyfriend" because he was becoming controlling and jealous of her other friends. She recognized the problem and dealt with it in short order. I am so very proud of her!!!!

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Good job on your daughters part, that's awesome. What makes it so difficult is that he treated he great in different aspects and hes trying to get to me right now. I really, really like him. And I know I have to be careful. I told him I don't want to talk to him for the rest of the night, I have a lot to think about. Of course, he's out drinking with his friends.

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Originally Posted by shescountry89

I have a lot to think about. Of course, he's out drinking with his friends.

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Well I think you know what his priorities are. It doesn't look to me like you are very high up there... Sorry =/

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Originally Posted by Danounet

Well I think you know what his priorities are. It doesn't look to me like you are very high up there... Sorry =/

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she doesnt have to worry shes high up on ours...:taz::taz::taz::taz::D

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Originally Posted by shescountry89

Of course, he's out drinking with his friends.

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Oh psshh.. I was going to go on about how, contrary to popular belief, people can change. But if he is out drinking with friends then !@#$%^ dump him!

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Originally Posted by ColdBloodedCarnival

Oh psshh.. I was going to go on about how, contrary to popular belief, people can change. But if he is out drinking with friends then !@#$%^ dump him!

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Ya funny me too... Then I read that.

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Originally Posted by Danounet

Ya funny me too... Then I read that.

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hate to say it but like i said find a new manssssssssssss :gj:

Yeah, he really isn't dealing with it in a way that makes things better in our situation. Drinking doesn't solve anything, I would know.

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Originally Posted by shescountry89

Yeah, he really isn't dealing with it in a way that makes things better in our situation. Drinking doesn't solve anything, I would know.

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:(

The best way to end it is quick and clean. Get you and your things out of this situation. This is how an abusive relationship starts. I've been there and it stinks. It starts with you compromising for someone you think is perfect. Then soon enough you aren't allowed to hang out with your friends. He wants your life to revolve around him and only him. I've been there, and I promise you it only gets harder to leave. You deserve someone who loves every aspect of you and takes a lot of interest into your hobbies. Don't compromise your happiness for ANYONE! You will find someone who digs you and everything you love. Now that he is drinking, I'd try to cut all lines of communication before shtick hits the fan. I know its hard but it WILL be better for you in the long run, I promise!

-Amanda

run run like hell and don't look back dude has some serious control issues. hope you do the right thing for yourself i used to be the same way but some how have changed for the better it's due to my wife that this change has come about .

I'm doing my best, not easy at all at the moment.

Speaking from experience honey, they ALWAYS say, " I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, baby I'll change, please don't leave me."

When what they mean is, "I have no intention of changing, but I love playing you and making you feel guilty, I get off on it. Besides, if your stupid enough to fall for it, that just proves what I knew, you are worthless without me and I can do whatever I want to you."

He's NOT sorry, he WON'T change, he DID SO mean it, and if you leave, who will he have left to treat like dirt so he can feel good.

Go into your bathroom, look in the mirror, look yourself RIGHT in the eyes and repeat after me, " I am NOT worthless, I DESERVE someone better, I DON'T need this creep, I will NOT let him run my life!"

Do this four times a day until you believe it.

Gale

Everyone else has already given you sound advice. I'd just be regurgitating what's already been said. But, I will wish you luck. And do what's best for you. I was in an abusive realtionship, and I didn't heed the red flags....I consider myself fortunate that I left the relationship when I did...it could have been a whole lot worse! Regardless of whether it's a clean break or not, you need to look out for yourself...it's not worth the risk.

Did'nt finish reading the thread sorry got angry and skipped to the last page to post. What a loser to prey on you like that. You dont have to like the same things as your partner but you have to except them. My wife hates that I hunt and race sprint cars but she has never has missed opening weekend or missed a race, becase thats what you do for the person you care about. She says thats why she loves me, because thats who I am. If you keep snakes he does not have to like them but, he should use that to spend more time with you. He sounds very selfish. He only wants you to do the things he wants to do. What a bum.:mad::mad::mad:

laura take it from someone who's been abused and gone through the whole cycle- been hurt, i left him, he begged for forgiveness & promised he would change, i took him back-over & over again until 1 day i finally said "no more, im done" i left him for the last time & never looked back.
my point is, that "i will change" bit is a classic. please please please ignore it & dont give in. if you do, your just showing him what will work every time you get tired of his antics. that situation has abuse cycle written all over it. add the alcohol...not good. not good at all. please lock up & dont answer if he shows up.
im not trying to scare you but im really worried now that he's drinking.

ok i realized my comment came late...in the morning when your last post was 11pm last night. hopefully he didnt show up and all is well. please keep us updated, as you have been, thank you.

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Originally Posted by shescountry89

I'm doing my best, not easy at all at the moment.

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Sweetie, from where I'm sitting - he's playing very dangerous emotional games with you right now. He's throwing you off center, and he knows damned well that he's doing it.

From being angry with you, to being so sweet and begging for another chance. He's not giving you time to find your center.

I know that it sucks being alone, and seeing your friends in successful relationships, but as I said earlier - you really do need to take time to learn to love YOU, unconditionally and only YOU. Once you do that, and you don't NEED (or feel that you need) a man to complete you, that's when the man you've been waiting for will enter your life.

You're 21, and I hated hearing it when I was your age (I'm 43 now - I get to say that until Sunday! LOL), but you're so young, and too young to be so concerned about not having found Mr. Right yet.

And you certainly can't make this Mr. Wrong become your Mr. Right.

Don't let him play these emotional games with you - the sweetness is only temporary. Trust me! Been there, done that, cried too many tears over it - and WISHED I'd only been in the relationship 2 months.

yeah what he said...lol

she maybe?

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Originally Posted by rabernet

Sweetie, from where I'm sitting - he's playing very dangerous emotional games with you right now. He's throwing you off center, and he knows damned well that he's doing it.

From being angry with you, to being so sweet and begging for another chance. He's not giving you time to find your center.

I know that it sucks being alone, and seeing your friends in successful relationships, but as I said earlier - you really do need to take time to learn to love YOU, unconditionally and only YOU. Once you do that, and you don't NEED (or feel that you need) a man to complete you, that's when the man you've been waiting for will enter your life.

You're 21, and I hated hearing it when I was your age (I'm 43 now - I get to say that until Sunday! LOL), but you're so young, and too young to be so concerned about not having found Mr. Right yet.

And you certainly can't make this Mr. Wrong become your Mr. Right.

Don't let him play these emotional games with you - the sweetness is only temporary. Trust me! Been there, done that, cried too many tears over it - and WISHED I'd only been in the relationship 2 months.

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That's exactly what he is doing, he's also guilt tripping me because he knows I got close with a couple of his friends and he's like - "Brandon doesn't know what to think of you anymore for breaking up with me..." This week is going to be difficult.

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Originally Posted by shescountry89

That's exactly what he is doing, he's also guilt tripping me because he knows I got close with a couple of his friends and he's like - "Brandon doesn't know what to think of you anymore for breaking up with me..." This week is going to be difficult.

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You'll be okay. Everyone goes through this process of heartbreak at least once in their life. My friends, family, and myself have all gone through heartbreak as have many who have posted in this thread...perhaps you have been through it already. You may question your decision now..."did I do the right thing?"...but later down the road, no questions will remain and you will be proud of yourself for the decision you have made. Good Luck.

this week will definitley be difficult, but, you did the right thing & not because we all told you to...tap into some positive thoughts to get yourself through it & keep up with us. we're all here for you.

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Originally Posted by Jerhart

You'll be okay. Everyone goes through this process of heartbreak at least once in their life. My friends, family, and myself have all gone through heartbreak as have many who have posted in this thread...perhaps you have been through it already. You may question your decision now..."did I do the right thing?"...but later down the road, no questions will remain and you will be proud of yourself for the decision you have made. Good Luck.

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Totally. A month or two down the road and you will be saying to yourself "What was I thinking!" The best way is just cut off all contact and not get pulled into the drama. When you dont play the game its over. Not a easy thing but it gets you through it faster.

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Originally Posted by shescountry89

I feel absolutely retarded for coming on here, and asking what you think of this. But I am sitting here and none of my 'friends' are responding to my texts. So. here it goes.

Have you ever dated a guy, who told you he wanted you to be less indepedent? And that the only reason why you have so many animals, aka snakes is that since they are animals they will never leave you because everyone else does? My boyfriend of almost 2 months told me this last night, and I mearly(sp) told him that it was because I've been raised with animals, have a deep passion for them and its something I love and makes me happy.

I don't know how to respond to this, we've been dating less than 2 months and he wants me to move in with him already. But told me I am only allowed to have a certain amount of snakes. I took him to one reptile show, and I know for a fact he won't go back. He kind of makes fun of it. I really like this guy, for once I've found someone who really does care and for once doesn't treat me like garbage. But he doesn't accept the hobbies, and things I love.

I should be the happiest girl alive right now, but instead I feel crappy. And have no idea how to deal with this. So if you have experience, I need some help because I honestly don't know if I can handle another disapointment, if this doesn't work. I give up.

I'm used to having some space, but he wants me with him every waking minute. He doesn't like doing what I do, only wants me out drinking every night with his friends. It's taking a toll on me, I work a lot and i'm exhausted. Mentally and physically. I was raised to be an independant woman, and not to depend on people. It's like hes asking me to change myself.

:(

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Not one of the ladies of BPnet nor did I read the whole thread just your post.

Kick this chump to the curb. Not sure how old you are, but if he is over 25 deff kick this chump to the curb.

My sound sage advice is kick this chump to the curb and if that doesn't work have a large male friend reiterate the fact that he isn't welcome and should find a life some where.

Mike

*Edit* Your 21? You shouldn't even be talking to the same guy 2 weeks in a row. Date and have fun */Edit*

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Originally Posted by hoax

Not one of the ladies of BPnet nor did I read the whole thread just your post.

Kick this chump to the curb. Not sure how old you are, but if he is over 25 deff kick this chump to the curb.

My sound sage advice is kick this chump to the curb and if that doesn't work have a large male friend reiterate the fact that he isn't welcome and should find a life some where.

Mike

*Edit* Your 21? You shouldn't even be talking to the same guy 2 weeks in a row. Date and have fun */Edit*

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Yes, I am 21. And if I could get more dates i'd go on them, I can just be really shy sometimes. I don't think I am going to be doing any dating for awhile after this.

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Originally Posted by shescountry89

Yes, I am 21. And if I could get more dates i'd go on them, I can just be really shy sometimes. I don't think I am going to be doing any dating for awhile after this.

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Don't worry about it, you'll feel better in no time. I did, and feeling better everyday! Like others have said already, learn to love your self first and the things you do. You have to find someone that loves you for you are, not what they want you to be.

I'm not dating anyone at the moment, but I haven't really been trying to date. Yes it gets lonely at times, but I'm sure you have family and friends to be there for you. I've stopped looking so hard for now, I'm sure she will show up eventually when I least expect it like people tell me. ;)

Don't let anyone hold you back, someone should be pushing you forward if that!

It's done and over with, i'm sitting here in tears :(:(:(

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Originally Posted by shescountry89

It's done and over with, i'm sitting here in tears :(:(:(

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Aww hang in there buddy!!! Everything will be okay! Just cuddle a snake :snake: :giggle:

PS: will you be at the next AAE? I need to get rats this time :P

Sooooo... He just wouldn't have it any other way but his, wouldn't talk about it or let you talk. Is that what happened? If so it's better this way. Honestly someone like that is not worth your time. My birthday is next week. Lets all get together & hang out!

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Originally Posted by Kaorte

Aww hang in there buddy!!! Everything will be okay! Just cuddle a snake :snake: :giggle:

PS: will you be at the next AAE? I need to get rats this time :P

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When is the next one? I should go.

I'm sorry it turned out that way, I wish your pain will go away sooner than later :please:

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Originally Posted by Foschi Exotic Serpents

When is the next one? I should go.

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May 16th!

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Originally Posted by Kaorte

May 16th!

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Well hey then! Im gonna take that day off work!

Well seems I'm really late to this party as I just finished reading all 14 pages. I just wanted to say that you have gotten alot of great advice and wisdom from everyone here. As someone who has been in the same situation before this person is no good and can not be trusted, as he lives for controlling and manipulating others to get what he wants. By now I hope you have figured this out for yourself. I had ended a long relationship because I was never treated as an equal, everything was about her. My hobbies, friends, and family were of no importance, it took a few years and many friends to finally understand that it was not right. It is always harder to see the truth when your involved and its staring you in the face. You have to take a step back and take in all that is happening before you realize "what the hell was I thinking". From all that I have read from everyone here you are a smart, caring, beautiful person who deserves the best. Don't short change yourself and settle on some scum bag because it sucks being alone. It does suck(trust me I know) but you are young and have plenty of time to find the right one for you, you might not think so right now but he is out there. You should enjoy life, your friends, family and your passions love will happen when you least expect it.

Just look at all the friends you have here and all the support you have, your not alone. Sorry for the long post but wanted to add my 2 cents.

Also I just want to say to everyone in this thread, I am recently new to this forum but I have to say this is one of the best forums/community I have belonged too and I am overwhelmed by the support everyone shows each other. I am glad to belong to this forum(just wish it would of been sooner). :D

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Originally Posted by Foschi Exotic Serpents

Well hey then! Im gonna take that day off work!

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We should all go out for lunch or somethin!

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Originally Posted by BallsUnlimited

creepy ^^^^ LOL

http://4gifs.com/gallery/d/146537-1/..._me_rollin.gif

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Yeah, after I already posted it that is what I was thinking too. I guess I have to pay more attention to what I am typing.

Im sorry :( :( but it is prob for the best. It might take some time before you feel better but you will.

How about a BP.net group hug... think you could use one :)

I will be working at the show on the 16th.

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Originally Posted by shescountry89

It's done and over with, i'm sitting here in tears :(:(:(

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dont worry about it hun. ive been there dont that and its not worth it at all...cheer up where all here for ya. and yes im late but i deff drank way to much today abd woke up not long ago