Anyone ever had engagment break off?

[aeio540]

My best friend went over that recently. His girl had been going in and out of depression and so he went with her to therapy and everything. She began to ignore everything during therapy. Eventually she became verbally abusive. She would go talk to her mom and things would just get worse.

From what I understand her mom would try to nullify everything that would go on during their sessions. Anyways after a year of being engaged he decided to end it. It hurt him big time, I had never seen him that down but unfortunately, it had to happen. There was no way to really save it. When he broke it off with her, she began to threaten him at home and at his job.

It is almost a year later and with a clear mind he can see that it was really a bad relationship. He doesn't hate her but they would have been miserable together. That's the sad truth.

It is not easy to move on but it is for the best.
My advice is to

1.) Avoid contact. This may seem harsh but you are not doing anyone any favors by trying to be their friend. In fact it doesn't truly let you move on because you try to spend time together.

2.) Accept that fact that it takes time. I've known cats try to rush it by getting into other relationships quickly only to have it blow up in their face. I've seen many people try to start up a new relationship in a matter of days. Not good. One has a tendency to try to rush the new relationship to the same point the last one was at.

3.) Get busy. It'll put your mind off of it.

[Big Gunns]

No disrespect but this advice really doesn't sit right with me for a few reasons.
1. Playing mind games with somebody who's already severely depressed is never a good idea.
2. If she was seeing somebody else, she'd probably be in pretty good spirits.
3. I very much doubt that she's a good enough actress to fool her fiance and everyone else around her into thinking she's depressed just to spare his feelings.

No "disrespect taken.

Hope you don't take any with my response.


Suggesting he doesn't "play mind games"... coming from a woman. The Queens of "mind games".


We have no idea the real deal here, but in my experience when this sort of thing happens, there is usually somebody else. I'd say 9 times out of ten. I was just trying to help him figure that out quickly. Don't waste a bunch of time sitting around waiting. It may be sneaky, but it works.

The only reason we know she's depressed is because he says she is, when in fact like Jas says, he seems to be the one "depressed".

A woman can fool any man that's too blind to open his eyes and see the real truth.

I think this is a sad thing to even suggest he do.If her and her family are having hard times then doing something as childish as this could prove fatal in the long run.

I could have not said it any better .

If you give her time and space to work on her personal problems then maybe the 2 of you can see how things go down the road.I will tell you like i have been told numerous times "if its meant to be it shall be" .Keep being her freind and that will show her you really care about her

"Fatal"? How is that?


Now let's say that she truly is "depressed". Maybe you should take a real good look at her and decide if you want to take that plunge and marry her anyway. This may be harsh, but you only get one life, don't waste it with someone that is constantly down. You're not married yet, and I say it's a good thing for you if everything you said is true.

[celticscorpiowarrior]

I have been through it, although the circumstances were different, as she had cheated on me.

If you feel like telling us the story more in depth, I can help you
ie; what she was like before this, without going into to much depth what's causing her to be upset.

There has to be a reason, you and her were engaged in the first place, I assume, perhaps the reason is that you love her, and she loves you, if this is still true to both of you than I suggest being there for her as much as you can, in times like this as it'd be cruddy if someone you knew and love, as well as trusted turned their back on you in a moment of need.

but again man, without knowing the full story, or at least a good majority of it, this advice may or may not apply.

[joepythons]

No "disrespect taken.

Hope you don't take any with my response.


Suggesting he doesn't "play mind games"... coming from a woman. The Queens of "mind games".


We have no idea the real deal here, but in my experience when this sort of thing happens, there is usually somebody else. I'd say 9 times out of ten. I was just trying to help him figure that out quickly. Don't waste a bunch of time sitting around waiting. It may be sneaky, but it works.

The only reason we know she's depressed is because he says she is, when in fact like Jas says, he seems to be the one "depressed".

A woman can fool any man that's too blind to open his eyes and see the real truth.






"Fatal"? How is that?


Now let's say that she truly is "depressed". Maybe you should take a real good look at her and decide if you want to take that plunge and marry her anyway. This may be harsh, but you only get one life, don't waste it with someone that is constantly down. You're not married yet, and I say it's a good thing for you if everything you said is true.

Well by fatal i meant if he was to play the mind games with her it could cause her to do something to herself.We can not predict the state of her mind.Its not right for anyone to play mind games with anyone

[Freakie_frog]

I have been through it. It was the hardest time in my life. I picked up a few habits that I have since beaten but that demon always haunts me.

If you lover her and she loves you then keep letting her know that even with every thing she has going on in her life right now your still there for her and will always be. Remember your were about to say "For better or worse" why not show that you mean thats what you want regardless of whether you say the words if its what you want then prove it. Be there for her be her sounding board while still being her rock, a man should be the high place in the flood and a dry place from the storm when times like this happen. This is your test if what you two feel is real work through it getting married is only a drop in the bucket of what happens between to loving people so don't hold that against her. 99.995 percent of women aren't hard to figure out most of the time it us guys not doing the things we think are unmanly that makes us think they are such a mystery.

Jealousy is a child's game and has no place in an adult relationship serious enough for marriage. Again let her know that if she wants to call off the wedding so be it but this thing that she is going through is something that the TWO of you need to get through together.

Hope that helps.
Best of luck

[elevatethis]

Going through it now and it's pretty tough.

Alot of bad things happened within her family and it has placed her is a super state of depression and denial that she needs help.

It has pretty much ruined all hopes in working things out. We have tried for the last 2 months and no progress.

All my friends and family say its time to move on but its so hard.

Like Jas said, give her the space she needs and don't try to smother her.

Although women may say otherwise, the reality is that deep down they do not want a man that smothers them and during a rocky time in the relationship, the best thing you can do is STEP AWAY and let your absence make her realize how much she actually does rely on you for support. That may be hard for you to do, but that is the only option you have if you REALLY want to keep her.

Now, if you back away and the relationship does end, you'll know that you guys were truly not supposed to be together and better that you figured it out now rather than after being married.

[firebellied]

Going through it now and it's pretty tough.

Alot of bad things happened within her family and it has placed her is a super state of depression and denial that she needs help.

It has pretty much ruined all hopes in working things out. We have tried for the last 2 months and no progress.

All my friends and family say its time to move on but its so hard.

Hey N4S!

4 weeks ago I split from my wife of 4 years (we've been together for 7 & have known eachother for about 17!)

Thing's were getting stupid at home, issues between my wife & parents, she started to get violent & all this in front of our baby girl at times......Enough was enough!!

I tried everything that I could to make things work, but nothing was ever good enough, so I had to do the hardest thing in my life & walk away!

She's had a terrible past, but I can't continue having that blamed on or taken out on me.

I'm missing them both like CRAZY!!!

I will ALWAYS love my wife & if things could be guaranteed that we'd get back to how we used to be, I'd go back in an instant....But for now, I have to do this for the sake of all of us...Especially our baby girl!!!!

I'm seeing my daughter @ every God given opportunity, but it's still not enough!

So yeah fella.....I have a prettty good idea of what you're going through....I just wish I could give you some answers, but until I find them at least you know that you're not alone!

Take care bud & I hope everything works out for the best!

Steve.

[kc261]

I've heard a saying a couple of times that goes something like this:

Walk to the altar with your eyes wide open, and away from it with your eyes half shut.

In other words, look for all the reasons why you might want to end a relationship with a person before you get married. Find those problems, and end the relationship if necessary, before you get married. If you do go ahead and marry them, then you better start over-looking all the little problems that everyone has in order to keep your marriage intact.

It is painful to break off an engagement, or any relationship that has gotten serious or lasted a long time. But it is far better to do it now than to get married and then end up going through a divorce.

However, from the description in the first post, it sounds like this may be more of a temporary problem caused by bad things happening within her family. If this is not part of a bigger problem with depression that has been bothering you all along, if you are willing to be patient and give her time to recover, then do that.

[python.princess]

No "disrespect taken.

Hope you don't take any with my response.

Suggesting he doesn't "play mind games"... coming from a woman. The Queens of "mind games".

We have no idea the real deal here, but in my experience when this sort of thing happens, there is usually somebody else. I'd say 9 times out of ten. I was just trying to help him figure that out quickly. Don't waste a bunch of time sitting around waiting. It may be sneaky, but it works.

A woman can fool any man that's too blind to open his eyes and see the real truth.

If that's honestly how you feel about women, I really feel bad both for you and anybody you have a relationship with in the future. I for one have never cheated or played mind games on a boyfriend and don't plan on trying it out anytime soon.

[Big Gunns]

If that's honestly how you feel about women, I really feel bad both for you and anybody you have a relationship with in the future. I for one have never cheated or played mind games on a boyfriend and don't plan on trying it out anytime soon.

It is how I feel, and I think most guys on here would agree with me. Nobody can play a mind game like a woman.

I will say this though. Do you still have that BF? If so, tell him I said he is a lucky man.