Calling all Mothers

[Rapture]

Does this involve going to a medical facility? If so, I suppose you have already found out what the cost of that is (I have no idea) and that you will be able to afford that as well. At any rate, best of luck to you and your fiance, I know you will make the right choice for you when the time does come.

[LadyOhh]

I'm not sure, but if it's hard to get it as an adoption, wouldn't it be just as hard to get a doner? I don't know, just wondering.

Not really. I worked briefly at a donation clinic, and there are some out there that work specifically for familys like Jay's.

[Texas Dan]

Not really. I worked briefly at a donation clinic, and there are some out there that work specifically for familys like Jay's.

Oh, ok. Well, i'm going to adopt two babies this summer. :-D

I'll have the funnylooking kids growing in my closet.

[Jay_Bunny]

We have done some initial research to see if there are any facilities in our area. We do know that it is a large chunk of money and we will make sure we are prepared for that as well.

[frankykeno]

Jay, the fact is being in a same sex relationship you do have to plan more for a baby (rather than an "oopsy forgot to take my pill" baby) just due to the biology of it. That in itself starts good conversations, allows for time to plan, etc for big decisions like a baby - that time never hurts. I'm glad you and your partner have this time to decide if it's the right time.

I don't think automatically 21 is too young, no more than I appreciate people referring to my youngest as my grandson (drives me nuts!) or thinking I was too old at 40 to have him. Age is only relevant when it speaks to your ability to handle the challenges of parenting. For me, being an older mom, I know I don't have the energy I had for Michael's much older siblings. Everything about being a parent is a trade off, a concession to reality, a struggle and in the end, a joy. The craziest part about being somebody's mom or dad is you really don't know if you did it right until they are raised up and well, it's a bit late then isn't it LOL.

You've had a lot of challenges spelled out to you in this thread. They and I are being very honest with you about the realities of kids. I hope you realize it's only out of concern that we've shared these thoughts. 21 or 40, being a mother is an amazing experience I'm glad I have. I cannot with any words I type explain the feelings when your newborn is first placed in your arms - there's not another feeling in the world even close to it.

Take your time, hon, you and your fiancee have all the time in the world to decide and my very best wishes to both of you.

[starmom]

Okay sweetie, here's my reality:
I was a single mom for a long time! I moved my kids out of Virginia because of the intolerance (this was 25 years ago). I mean, cross-burnings, neo-nazi stuff, racial intolerance- yuck. I left town with 2 kids and my dog and drove until my truck broke down in remote Northern California and there I stayed for the next 10 years.

Did I have money to raise kids? Heck no!! No one ever has enough money for children! Was everything settled and happy and bright for my children? Heck no! Life is never like a fairy tale and it wasn't all peaches and cream for my kids either! No time is ever a perfect time for having a kid. And, lets face it, if having a child now is what you are suppose to do, you will become pregnant regardless of what *anybody* happens to say to you!!

As for saving on money, I nursed all of my children because it was the healthiest thing to do and is the reason I have breasts and I also used cloth diapers because it is the best thing to put against soft virgin skin and is also much healthier for the environment that I will be leaving for my children to live in.

Do unexpected expenses happen? Sure- life happens. Can anyone's medical insurance handle crisis? No way- not these days. Even when you have awesome insurance, any big time medical crisis will put you into a hole; that is the medical calamity that is called the health care system- the system is broke in our country right now. I have one son who has had several aortic operations and has lived through an aortic aneurysm and were it not for public welfare help I would still be in debt- and that is with BC/BS insurance. My daughter has cancer and her husband has a great job with great health insurance and they are about to lose their house and declare bankruptcy. Does anyone have enough money for children? NO. Does anyone have enough money to become sick? NO.

Do I wish that I could have been spared the heartache, worry, postponement of my life goals, financial woes, etc., by turning back the clock and not having my children? What?~ Are you nuts?!?!?!?!?!?! NO WAY!!!!! My children are my greatest accomplishment and self-serving 'wants' such as vacations, college, free time, etc., friggin pale by comparison!!! I mean, c'mon, can we say shallow????

I now have 4 grandchildren in whom I can see my children, my self, and even other relations- it is very cool. Life and dreams and goals travel forward in the care and love and joy that we give freely to each other in that group we label 'family'.

I wish for you and your girlfriend all of the love and luck that the two of you can give to each other. No one can tell if their relationship with their significant other will work out over the long run, but your relationship with your child IS forever and that is very cool.

[ADEE]

we were 19 when our first son was born.. it was by far the best thing to ever happen to both of us but you have to do whats right for you and your family. everything happens for a reason there is never a "perfect time" and i believe that whole heartedly. things will be tough but totally worth it! good luck with whatever you choose.

[Jay_Bunny]

I don't think there is ever a perfect time either. If there was I think most people would be waiting forever. My fiance and I went to Walmart to start looking at how much food, diapers, furniture, strollers, ect will all cost. Its pretty crazy how expensive some things can be. But it was so much fun looking at all the baby clothes. Some of them are so tiny.

[icygirl]

Hey, instead of Canada, why not come up to Massachusetts? Same-sex marriage is legal here. Unfortunately housing around greater Boston is very expensive in most places, but you could look at areas around western Mass around Springfield. It's a bit more rural out there and I'm sure housing costs are less. I go to college in western Mass and it's beautiful out there!

I'm 20, and I dream sometimes about having a baby someday. But I'm in college, and I'll be at vet school hopefully in a few years, so it's out of the question for me, at least until I'm a full-fledged vet. I'd say make sure that it's not just your biological clock that is driving this decision, because that can be a strong subconscious factor you may not be aware of.

Other than that, it seems like you and your partner are going through this thought process logically and carefully, which is the best way. Good luck to you!! I wish I could help you further but I've got zero experience with babies.

[Texas Dan]

Hey, instead of Canada, why not come up to Massachusetts? Same-sex marriage is legal here.

No it's not. Same sex marriage is illlegal in america. Just like (i know i'm going to get a warning or something for this), weed is legal in california. Just because it's legal in your state, doesn't mean it's really legal.

Federal > State.