any good jokes?

[DSGB]

Eggs, Bacon and Orange Juice walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "Sorry we dont serve breakfast here."

[Lucero87]

here's another one i just remembered (yes i'm bored i'm waiting for a train haha)

So there's a plane leaving from LA to Chicago and after everyone's boarded they check tickets. A blond woman sat in first class but her ticket said she should be in coach, the stewartess asks her to please move to her assigned seat but she refuses. After 10 minutes there are three stewartess' asking her to please go to her assinged seat and she still refuses, hearing all the commotion the captain comes out and asks what the problem is, the stewartess tells him and he says "let me handle this my wife is blond"...so he leans in and whispers something in the blond's ear and she immediatley gets up and goes to her assigned seat...everyone was shocked and they asked him how he did it and he responded "i just told her that first class doesn't go to chicago"

[Hardwikk]

Why can't (insert orginization you hate here) play hockey?
They always drown during spring training! Badam Pish!

[Hardwikk]

Why can't (insert orginization you hate here) play hockey?
They always drown during spring training! Badam Pish!

The smily is the audience!

[Hardwikk]

This blond in AZ goes to a farm to buy a horse. There's only one left so she purchases it and she's about to leave but just then the owner stops her and tells her that the horse she bought is not any ordinary horse. It only trots if you say "Phew, that was close!" and only skids to a hault if you say "Quick! Do something!". The blond leaves the store on her new horse and travels for many miles (while she opens a bag of M&Ms and starts licking the "W"s off) until suddenly, she notices she is headed for the edge of a cliff, and she forgot what to do to make it stop (figures)! Panicked, she says "Quick! Do something!" and the horse stops right before the edge. She breathes a sigh of relief and says to herself "Phew, that was close!".

[Nate]

How much does it cost for a pirate to get his ear pierced?

A buck an ear (buccaneer)


A pirate walks into a bar with a ships steering wheel in his pants and the bar tender says "why do you have a steering wheel in your pants?" and the pirate says "I don't know but it's driving me nuts"

[python.princess]

Three women are running from the cops; a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. they cut through a corn field and run into a deserted barn where they find three burlap sacks and decide to hide in them. Cop #1 gets out of the squad car to investigate the barn. He yells to his partner that all he sees is 3 burlap sacks. Cop #2 says "Well, kick them to make sure they're not in there then we can go!" Cop #1 kicks the bag containing the brunette. Thinking quickly, she barks. "It's just a dumb dog in this one!" he yells to his partner. He moves on and kicks the next bag where the redhead is hiding. Following the brunette's lead, she meows. Cop #1 laughs and says, "There's a stupid cat in this bag!" While he's making his way to the third and final bag, the blonde is laughing at her partners in crime. 'Why would a cat and dog be in a burlap sack?' she thinks. So when the officer comes over and kicks her bag, she proudly yells out "Potatoes!!"

Okay, corny joke that most of you have probably heard, but I decided this thread needed to be bumped

[Kesslers Kreatures]

Okay i have a few


What type of bee is the scariest?

BOOOOOOO Bees.





What to Star Trek and Toilet paper have in common?

They both go around uranus to wipe out the clingons.





Why did the jelly roll?

Because he saw the apple turnover

[Texas Dan]

Bret Farve dies and goes to heaven.

When he gets there, God greets him personally and says, "Brett, I'd like to show you where you'll be staying."

God takes Farve to a decent sized 1 story house with a faded Green Bay Packers banner in the window and says, "Brett, you're very lucky, not many people get their own house in Heaven".

Farve looks around and sees a mansion in the distance, a HUGE mansion with blue and silver trim, a new Dallas Cowboys banner in every window, blue and silver walkways and a HUGE Dallas Cowboys flag on the flag pole out front.

Farve, trying not to be an ass asks God, "You know God, I don't want to complain, but I was MVP, I won a superbowl, I'm in the hall of fame, and I've broken several records. How come Tony Romo gets a much nicer house than me?"

God said "Brett, that's not Tony's house, that's MY house."

[NickMyers03]

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."

He asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."

He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then....." he sighed, "we'll put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap. Politely she declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.

He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa."

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer.

"Okay," says the lawyer," your turn." She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. No answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress. No answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500.00.

The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.