I really can't get close to this subject because it stirs up to many bad memories for me and I really dont want to start reliving things in nightmares, but you are doing the best thing that you can for your friend. Be her sounding board when she needs it, be the shoulder for her to cry on and be the one to give her information as you find it. From what I've been reading she "can't see the forest for the trees". She is so caught up in the little details of daily "protecting" of herself and her children (perhaps even battling her own self-esteem and self-worth) that she's lost sight of the big picture... he's not going to change and get better. I know its frustrating for you, but keep doing what your doing, be her light and pray that she will head towards it. This will be in my thoughts and prayers.