helping people help themselves... frustrating!

[Ginevive]

I like Jo's replies. It rings so true.. it explains your friend's flip-flopping actions in this matter.
My best friend was in a horribly abusive relationship not that long ago. For a few years. I was her shoulder to cry on. I even blew up at her now-ex abuser once, screaming and going on a whole (drunken) tirade. And it did nothing. She had to get to terms with the fact that she deserved better, on her own. It got to where I had to distance myself from her.. and not long after that she came back to me saying that she had ditched the loser. We are now both happily married to men who are awesome.. so there is a light at the end of every tunnel.
Oddly enough, my husband was in an abusive relationship, or the tail-end of it, when we met. His ex kept coming back and she was a very violent drug addict who stabbed him with a broken cd in one of her lighter rages.

[python.princess]

and, btw, jo~ kudos to you for your hard work helping those women and children! i used to be one of those children. my mom never got help until i was long out of the picture. it took a very extreme situation for her to finally get help. she's actually been in hiding for the last couple years now. without people like you, my little sisters (twins) would've been sold on the black market if they didn't die from a meth explosion first... like i said, extreme. but thank you again! the world needs more people like you!

[python.princess]

I like Jo's replies. It rings so true.. it explains your friend's flip-flopping actions in this matter.
My best friend was in a horribly abusive relationship not that long ago. For a few years. I was her shoulder to cry on. I even blew up at her now-ex abuser once, screaming and going on a whole (drunken) tirade. And it did nothing. She had to get to terms with the fact that she deserved better, on her own. It got to where I had to distance myself from her.. and not long after that she came back to me saying that she had ditched the loser. We are now both happily married to men who are awesome.. so there is a light at the end of every tunnel.
Oddly enough, my husband was in an abusive relationship, or the tail-end of it, when we met. His ex kept coming back and she was a very violent drug addict who stabbed him with a broken cd in one of her lighter rages.

wow... you don't hear about women being the abusers very often- though it happens more often than people would like to believe. (or admit) thanks for sharing!

[Ginevive]

I know. She was just out of control. I hung out with people who lived below them in a double house, and thanks to a heating vent, I could hear everything word-for-word when she would be screaming at him! She was seriously nutso.. then she would say that he was the instigator.. but I knew better after inadvertantly eavesdropping.. it was before we seriously got to know each other though and I was more mad because I could not sleep from the noise!
I hope that your friend is able to get out of this soon. I do not think you should chew yourself up for it.. it is not your fault if she never sees the light. It is something i had to seriously realize with my friend, when she would pick me up to hang out and show me the bruises she had on her.
Wow am I glad that I have the husband that I do.

[Ladydragon]

I really can't get close to this subject because it stirs up to many bad memories for me and I really dont want to start reliving things in nightmares, but you are doing the best thing that you can for your friend. Be her sounding board when she needs it, be the shoulder for her to cry on and be the one to give her information as you find it. From what I've been reading she "can't see the forest for the trees". She is so caught up in the little details of daily "protecting" of herself and her children (perhaps even battling her own self-esteem and self-worth) that she's lost sight of the big picture... he's not going to change and get better. I know its frustrating for you, but keep doing what your doing, be her light and pray that she will head towards it. This will be in my thoughts and prayers.

[python.princess]

thank you, doris!

[Ladydragon]

Your welcome.

[frankykeno]

and, btw, jo~ kudos to you for your hard work helping those women and children! i used to be one of those children. my mom never got help until i was long out of the picture. it took a very extreme situation for her to finally get help. she's actually been in hiding for the last couple years now. without people like you, my little sisters (twins) would've been sold on the black market if they didn't die from a meth explosion first... like i said, extreme. but thank you again! the world needs more people like you!

You're welcome hon. I never actually planned to work in that field. I literally took a summer job with them and became very hooked into the need for women to stand for and with other women. It was a crazy job sometimes especially in a small northern community where most people owned guns and knew how to use them. A lot of my neighbours never actually knew where I worked which was just safer and saner for everybody. When you do that sort of work you need to keep work and home very far apart. I don't work in the field anymore. It's a job that burns you out eventually no matter how much you love it, it just takes from you in the end.

I'm very glad your mother found her way out and your sisters are now safe. I'm so very sorry you had to endure it growing up. No person, adult or child, should live in fear in their own home. That's just obscene to me - home should mean safety and love, not fear and danger.

To those reading this thread. You don't have to work in a shelter to help. Every shelter needs things....money, clothing, toys, books, dvd's, phone cards, diapers, really almost anything. Most women and kids come into violence shelters with only the clothes on their backs, sometimes only in their pj's. If you have something to give they'll find someone that can use it, believe me.

[Ladydragon]

No person, adult or child, should live in fear in their own home. That's just obscene to me - home should mean safety and love, not fear and danger.

thats why my home is filled with all the love that I can give to my children...


dang, ya made me cry.

[python.princess]

thats why my home is filled with all the love that I can give to my children...


dang, ya made me cry.

i've been misty eyed a few times throughout this thread...