Neglected Beardie?

[55fingers]

Thank you so much for all the advice everyone. This Sunday I am going to be visiting to drop off my siblings at my mother's. While I am there I am going to offer to buy her off of her. I will also take pictures to see if anyone can gauge the beardie's health status before possible vet intervention.


[QUOTE=Albert Clark;2769144]

I can't agree with this. If this wasn't a mom would you say the same things? Sure maybe not the 'tenth degree' but they need to be criticized not enabled.
This animal is being neglected. Even after being given advice from both the boarding location and child, they shrug it off with the 'I know best' attitude and rude comments. That's not a doing the best with what they had.



55 fingers:
And that’s fine that you don’t agree with stated comment. We can agree to disagree. Honor your mother and father above all. They are our parents and even though mom sounded as she was possessive over the beardie you have the knowledge and the right concepts of proper care. The onus was on you to see that proper care was given. Sometimes it’s our approach and language that can sway a person to see things clearly. The reptile needs veterinary intervention at this point and possibly needs veterinary hospitalization. Any other interventions should be viewed as secondary.

55fingers, you have my sincere sympathy. In the past, I too rescued (took in) a sick bearded dragon to nurse him back to health- they are very high maintenance pets, as you know. Coincidentally (& not at the same time- I wasn't living "at home" when I got into reptiles) I also had a mother who was "never wrong or apologetic" about ANYTHING, among her other attributes so let's just say I understand your situation.

It's unfortunate that for whatever reasons of her own, you have a mother who cannot accept that her "child" might know more than she does. Sadly, that's unlikely to ever change, so rather than alienate your mother for the rest of your lives, please also consider that even with good care, bearded dragons have a lifespan in captivity that's typically from 10-15 years. Even if you called AC, it's unlikely they'd understand what neglect of a bearded dragon actually looks like, especially when it also means confronting "the parent".

None of us can fix everything we'd like to (especially when it comes to the vast # of animals needing rescue) & it would be great if you could at least count on your close family members to have the same caring outlook as you do, but that ship has sailed- you might be of some influence with siblings, but we pretty much have to accept our parents for who they are, flaws included.

If you can & still wish to try to buy this bearded dragon just to keep the peace, do so- but be realistic. It's painful that it's an animal you know- especially one that you've already helped in the past- so to see that once again it's being neglected (& yes, underfed) is really hard. But also realize that she may not live much longer, & it may be too late to change that.

She cannot say it but I can: thank you for all you've done to try to help her as much as you could. Some day (and it might be many years from now) you might find that your mother was also doing "the best she can"- even though it doesn't measure up in terms of animal care standards. Do your best to forgive her & move on for your sake- so you can put your amazing energy & heart where it can do the most good, because holding on to feelings of anger/etc. will actually hurt you, not her.

As far as this goes, thank you both for the advice and words. My anger towards my mother runs deeper than just the bearded dragon, there are several reasons that my relationship with her is not very strong. I held on to the hope that she would change for years, I tried my best to honor her for being my mother, but at this point she has lost all my respect. I am acting out of love by trying to keep her at an arm's distance, to hold back my frustration at her. She has neglected and unintentionally killed tons of animals over the years. She has also neglected me and my siblings our whole lives and, not to get too personal, has made a very irresponsible and dangerous string of decisions within the past 3 years or so which makes me fear for every living thing in her household. I can never stop loving her, but I have no more respect for her.

All her animals are unvaccinated, never brushed or washed, mostly fed leftovers of people food, never taken to a vet, untrained, are not given anywhere to urinate and defecate, some are unfixed and continuously have litters upon litters which then usually die themselves, her animals are always either overweight from unhealthy diet or skin and bones from being starved.

That same last visit, I found that our childhood dog had gone from majorly overweight to skin and bones within a month, wasn't eating. He was drinking tons and urinating everywhere so my mother locked him (a very short-haired smaller dog) outside by himself in the middle of winter, all day every day (except at night), so he wouldn't urinate on the floor, and she said "it's his fault for drinking and peeing so much". He's on the brink of death and she was angry at him. She said she didn't have the money to take him to the vet, in which case she shouldn't have so many animals. I told her to surrender him (our local shelter does an assessment, if they can be treated they are and then put up for adoption, if not they are put down), she said she didn't want to. She only agreed to take him to the vet when we threatened to pick him up and surrender him ourselves.

She has always had this attitude about all her animals and all her children, such as being offended when my father would point out to her my siblings needing medical attention. She has always been like this and I don't expect her to change. This is why I may call Animal Control or some type authority to investigate, because I am so done with her taking on responsibilities she knows she can't handle, and people and animals suffering because of it.

I hope that makes a little bit more sense. There is no unwarranted hate towards her. I have bit my tongue and tip-toed for so long but I don't want to feel like an accomplice anymore.