So you shared your face with us, but what makes you YOU?

[tttaylorrr]

enjoy this novel:

i put up a biiiig front. if we ever met i'd try to make you laugh, bc that's an easy way to win someone over. not that i need to, but my anxiety always tells me people don't like me; making people laugh helps me overcome these feelings of anxiety when i'm in social settings. plus i think i'm funny lol.

i curse. kinda a lot. i got it from my momma. a few years ago i read an article that found those who openly curse tend to be more honest people, so i like to consider this a positive trait. it turns a lot of people off (like my family), but i always hang on to that study. i think the reason i curse is because i'm emotionally honest; i wear my heart openly on my sleeve. growing up, people took advantage of this. in middle school i had a whole group of girl friends who basically kept me around as a joke, but i could get them things they couldn't. it took me entirely too long to figure this out. i think that was the start of my anxieties.

high school was tough, but i was never really openly bullied; it was mainly the crowd from middle school who kept that going. i was that "loose cannon" because emotions make you insane to people. let's just say i'm lucky cameras phones first came out during my high school years, instead of how it is now. my friends were my fellow bandmates. they were weird, and horny, but they were honest people. we were allowed to be ourselves.

college was where i fell: mentally, physically, financially. it's also where i got my **** together, at least mentally. not to get too into it, but i was in a very dark place mentally. my relationships crumbled. college is honestly one of the hardest things to do for people with a mental illness. TBH we don't get enough credit for pushing ourselves to graduating. i almost didn't make it.

i have my Bachelor's in Fine Arts and my focus was Graphic Design. say what you want about art degrees, but you aren't just handed one. you work. HARD. i drove myself practically manic. staying up until 4am, nightly, to wake back up and head into the studio to keep working, bc i had to. the building station workers knew me by name, and always made fun of me for "living" in the art building. i'd have panic attacks where my clothes would hurt my body. i'd not eat for days, throwing up bile due to dehydration, and still go to class. it was almost worth it: i was top of my class. i'm damn good at what i do and it's because i worked hard. that's the only upside to pushing yourself to break: saying you were able to get back up and stay up.

most importantly: i treat people how i'd like to be treated. i didn't get enough of that growing up. i love being nice! and sharing my feelings. and smiling and giving compliments and just doing the right thing. a lot of people around me didn't and it really messed with me. but it's okay now! because i like me. and i stick up for me now. and i worked REALLY HARD to get to this point with myself and i'll be damned if i'll let someone take that away from me!

i also LOVE BEER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!