Overreacting friend

[Pitonica]

yes it can and it varies by person. My ex and I had to stay with his grandma for a short time, she is terrified of snakes and did not want them anywhere near her house but I had no choice. I explained how they were locked up to try to calm her. I carried the tubs in covered with towels and she had a complete utter shock and fear on her face and was frozen, could not move, even though she could not see them. I kept them in a spare room which I installed a lock on as well to try to relax her but she was uneasy the entire time they were in the house and had trouble sleeping. I thought she had exaggerated her fear and it wouldn't be a big deal but oh boy... It was horrible and I felt terrible about it, luckily it was only for one month.

My friend has a fear of spiders. She works to try to overcome it by forcing herself to look at photos of them, even seeing pictures she tenses up and gets uncomfortable. When she's go to reptile shows and shops with me, I'd have to point out there area where the spiders were kept so she could avoid it.

It's a very real and sometimes crippling fear for some people that can be incredibly difficult to overcome.

Poor grandma.. Thanks for sharing the story! It must of been such a burden having to be responsible of scaring the woman for a whole month.. Of course there are exceptions, no doubt and I totaly reapect that.
Spiders are my worse fear too and I like watching them anywhere but my home!
The thing is - My friend never pointed out her fear of snakes to me through the years I know her as much as I did with spiders and roaches so I thought she is just overreacting.. And she can be stubborn as hell, but despite all, she is a good friend and I will compromise with her on this.



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[Newbie39]

Honestly a good friend is someone who will try to care or atleast understand your interests even if it doesn't reflect their own. If she's being willingly ignorant and controlling about the situation then I think it may be time to close the door.

On the same note you need to understand their fear. Can't just go one way. You like snakes so you're only seeing it from your end. We all have fears. She is entitled to her opinion. As you are entitled to own a snake.

[MissterDog]

On the same note you need to understand their fear. Can't just go one way. You like snakes so you're only seeing it from your end. We all have fears. She is entitled to her opinion. As you are entitled to own a snake.

If it is fear, then yes, but op mentioned her friend didn't express a fear of snakes.

I agree it goes both ways, which is why I feel op's friend also needs to be willing to compromise which it sounds she is not. If she really cared about her friend, despite her fears if they are legitimate, then she would try to work around them. I'm afraid of babies. I get panic attacks whenever I hear them cry or see them, they legit freak me out to the point I sometimes can't breathe and have to lock myself in some secluded room. It's not a fear most understand or bother to understand, it doesn't stop them from showing pictures of babies to me, trying to get me to hold their babies, inviting me to their house, invading my personal space. It's not a globally accepted fear like snakes. People are so quick to say we need to understand other's fears but it's generally limited to what fears are considered 'normal'

However, I have friends and family members who are popping babies everywhere. I can't always escape it, and some of these relationships I really want to keep, so I have to ask myself, just how important are these friends to me, and is it worth me making an effort to meet halfway? Imagine how I must appear to others if I were to say " you have a baby so I'm not setting one foot in your house. You have a baby don't bring it to lunches. You have a baby don't talk about it with me. Keep that thing away from me"

This baby I consider a horrific thing is the world to them. As a friend it's up to me to try and at least appreciate their point of view and TRY. My fear will never go away, but it can improve and has been, but the only reason it is is because I was willing to give it a go because I chose to care about what was important to my friends.

[Newbie39]

If it is fear, then yes, but op mentioned her friend didn't express a fear of snakes.

I agree it goes both ways, which is why I feel op's friend also needs to be willing to compromise which it sounds she is not. If she really cared about her friend, despite her fears if they are legitimate, then she would try to work around them. I'm afraid of babies. I get panic attacks whenever I hear them cry or see them, they legit freak me out to the point I sometimes can't breathe and have to lock myself in some secluded room. It's not a fear most understand or bother to understand, it doesn't stop them from showing pictures of babies to me, trying to get me to hold their babies, inviting me to their house, invading my personal space. It's not a globally accepted fear like snakes. People are so quick to say we need to understand other's fears but it's generally limited to what fears are considered 'normal'


However, I have friends and family members who are popping babies everywhere. I can't always escape it, and some of these relationships I really want to keep, so I have to ask myself, just how important are these friends to me, and is it worth me making an effort to meet halfway? Imagine how I must appear to others if I were to say " you have a baby so I'm not setting one foot in your house. You have a baby don't bring it to lunches. You have a baby don't talk about it with me."

This baby I consider a horrific thing is the world to them. As a friend it's up to me to try and at least appreciate their point of view and TRY.

Agreed. If one my friends had a spider I would still go to their house. Probably even hold it.

[MissterDog]

Agreed. If one my friends had a spider I would still go to their house. Probably even hold it.

Same. I really think it boils down to; is there a willingness to make an effort and active choice to care what your friend considers important. Providing boundaries are respected of course!

[tttaylorrr]

I'm afraid of babies. I get panic attacks whenever I hear them cry or see them, they legit freak me out to the point I sometimes can't breathe and have to lock myself in some secluded room.

totally off topic but i'm so happy to hear someone speak about their fear of babies...babies literally scare me and idk why. i never even touched my baby cousins until they could walk. IDK WHERE THIS COMES FROM.

[MissterDog]

totally off topic but i'm so happy to hear someone speak about their fear of babies...babies literally scare me and idk why. i never even touched my baby cousins until they could walk. IDK WHERE THIS COMES FROM.

OMG I'M NOT ALONE THANK YOU I THOUGHT I WAS BROKEN

It's hard for me to understand why either, but something about seeing them and especially hearing them sets off internal survival alarms like something or someone is going to break and OMG WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE

[Joci]

I guess I can't really relate to any of this because I am literally afraid of no animals (or babies lol), except for a healthy amount of caution around venomous animals and giant (15ft+) pythons, I am a relatively small person so venom and/or giant animals could overpower me easily haha.

I definitely used to be afraid of spiders, but what fixed it for me was the fact that these (and a lot of other) animals really really aren't thinking about hurting you, in fact, they are most definitely more afraid of you than you are of them. This is what causes any animal to bite, unless of course you are being hunted down by a mountain lion or the like .

I wish more people could understand that animals have no desire to hurt them, heck, I don't even think animal are self-aware, so how could they "feel like" hurting you?

Funny story, today I was in class and suddenly a spider began to lower itself in front of my face. I simply broke the string it was attached to and put it on the floor without telling my classmates lol

[Godzilla78]

If she is that adamant about not coming, even though you are close friends..that IS A PHOBIA. Ophidiophobia is a relatively common phobia, and although phobias can be "cured" with therapy, I would just accept your friend has a serious phobia and move on.

[bcr229]

A few of my family members can't stand snakes. One upside is that I am no longer expected to host holiday family gatherings.