Hahahaha you'll get it buddy, just slow down a little and things will start to make sense. After all this your going to be a heck of a DIY'er .
Get a 1/2-3/4" length screw like you might get in a doorknob kit. I always add a dab of silicone when i sink them into PVC too. Do it slowly and don't over tighten and strip it.
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you want maybe 3/8" round head screws for mounting an Acurite probe to cage floor. 3/4" would just barely start to poke through the bottom and puncture the heat tape I'd imagine. Pretty sure mine are mounted with a 3/8" screw at most.