I didnt know where to put this... selfish or not? (Long Post)

[Nellasaur]

The difference in your examples is that you're referencing giving someone a gift that incidentally has a monetary value. The contrast with crowdfunded donations is that people are donating a liquid form of currency that can theoretically be spent on anything, and people like to feel secure when they make a donation that it is for a legit and reasoned expense. A tip jar is an active solicitation because it's usually right at the register and labeled; it's there in plain sight and hard to miss. Obviously no one is obligated to tip but it's the visibility and presence that makes it an active act. Giving someone a gift with monetary value that they've expressed interest in is completely different because you've already determined how the money is spent, i.e. tickets to a game or a puppy. Obviously someone could sell the tickets or puppy and turn the gift into liquid currency, but you as a gift giver would be highly offended. In my opinion the line has a lot to do with the form in which you are soliciting- if you're soliciting money for a want, that is tacky, but if you're soliciting items useful to your goal then your donators feel this is more of a gift and are secure in their investment in that you're locked in to what they give you and can't say "buying a snake" and then buying hookers and blow lol.

This is basically exactly what I was just going to say about the line between a donation towards a non-necessary expense and a gift. It's one thing when a person decides to make a "donation" in the form of a gift towards someone they love, and another for a person to reach out to anyone, even potential strangers, and ask for money. Even, say, a honeymoon fund jar (or online donation fund) is a gift situation-- if you're setting up a fund where wedding guests can make a donation towards your honeymoon, then clearly that would be considered part of their wedding gift to you. Same thing if I reached out to a bunch of my friends privately and said "Hey, I want to buy this snake for my birthday, can you give me money in lieu of a physical gift?" (I actually did that this year as I was trying to save up for some Transformers figures that I wanted. A few of my friends "donated" money to me, but it was specifically in lieu of an alternative gift that they would have bought me anyway.)

Additionally, I don't think it's fair to equate a tip jar to crowdfunding non-necessary expenses. When you leave someone a tip, it's generally considered a payment for exemplary service received. I don't tip to randomly donate to staff at a coffee shop or ice cream parlor, I tip because they're served me really well and I want to show them my appreciation. Even online tip jars-- like a link to a Paypal account on someone's blog-- is generally still considered to be a gratuity given in appreciation for a service. It's just that in the case of a blog, the service you're appreciating is the content the blogger provides, whatever that happens to be.