How do I make people stop being afraid?

[bcr229]

OP I see two issues:

- Your immediate family members are afraid of your snakes and don't want to be around them; whether that fear is based in logic is a moot point. That's easily fixed, you leave your snakes home when visiting family, which makes both your snakes and your family happy. OTOH you will never have to worry about hosting family or holiday get-togethers as long as you have snakes in residence, which makes life much stressful on you.

- Your immediate family members also have dogs, you are allergic to dogs, and yet your family members bring their dogs to family events knowing that you will be there, or allow their dogs to come into contact with you. You have a legitimate health concern that they are ignoring, and you have every right to be PO'ed about them not showing you the same consideration that you show them. Since they won't change their behavior you can either choose to 1) put up with it, or 2) politely decline invitations to occasions where people will have their dogs with them.

[Michelle85]

I hear you on this. Two children were mauled to death by a snake out here last year and all I got from family was " I hope your not letting your daughter play with that snake now" "aren't you afraid he will eat the cats or choke them or worse you?" … um he's like not even four feet, that snake was like 25 feet and illegal! Plus I live in a very Christian area soooooooo, my snake is the "Devil" of the garden of Eden, I even got a Christmas card last year saying "were all praying for you and your family". Not that long ago, a person who always watched our cats while away told us last minute he can't come in our house because of the snake, we were packed and ready to leave and he does this now rather than a week ago when we asked and he said yes? The man was literally working himself up into a frenzy and finally came over and said he couldn't do it. Talk about scrambling for a pet sitter last minute, thank god we got someone or we wouldnt have been able to go! Some people just have a real fear of snakes and as I said, Christians are taught young about the evil snake in the garden taunting Eve to eat the apple and some really take it to heart and some don't even realize that is why they hate snakes until they dig deep into their past. I honestly never thought I would have one, I never hated them but it wasnt a pet I wanted in my house but after getting this guy I have now, I love snakes. Its been a learning curve and I had my first bite last night but I wouldnt give him up, he's family now. I suggest you just tell people your snakes are your family just like their dog and be honest about you not wanting the dog in your space and you won't bring the snake into theirs. I don't really see why you would bring your snakes to peoples homes who don't like them anyway, it just stresses everyone, including the snake.

Enjoy your snake family!

[CptJack]

My mother is petrified of snakes.

I handle this by not having my snakes around her. Or really even discussing the snakes with her.

Strangely, this has made her less terrified and generally more accepting over time. Somehow, knowing I'm around them and they haven't eaten my children and other pets is reassuring, when in the absence of having them shoved in her face.

My husband just plain doesn't like snakes. Not afraid just very "EH". I handle that by not forcing them on him or asking him to take care of or interact with them. Also, strangely, he's gotten better and has developed a fondness for our little Calking, all on his own.

I know you're not getting respect from these people with your issues/allergies with dogs, but what's that saying? Two wrongs don't make a right? Seriously, you're just escalating the situation. Some people are PHOBIC of snakes. It has nothing to do with rationality, it has nothing to do with logic, and it has everything to do with being an innate, illogical, fear that is hard if not possible to overcome. We're not therapists. We're not providing exposure therapy to them with forced interaction. Some people just don't like them. You're not helping them, snakes, or the hobby by pushing the issue. You may be making phobias, apathy, or dislike WORSE by pushing the issue.

You are certainly harming your relationships by making it another point of contention or using them as a 'get even' weapon or to make a point.

Let. It. Go.

[calmolly1]

My attitude is my home is for the comfort of my animals...snakes, dogs, even a few mice who my husband got attached to instead of feeding to Prec. If they don't like it don't come over. Simple. Also, although I would love to show off my BP more I've always thought the stress on her would be too much. She knows my husband and I aren't going to eat her, nor her us, but I think the stress on her of forcing her on non snake people is not worth the risk. I also have a service dog (I am disabled) and the number of crazy people who run screaming when my perfectly trained service dog walks slightly in front of me to check for obstacles etc and lays quietly under the table in a restaurant, never moving, unless to check my blood sugar.


Molly & Precioucess

[stloria]

No when you take them out it's for ATTENTION, you want to educate you do so in an indoor setting (schools etc) and it is something planned, you don't take them to a park and subject anyone walking by to your snakes.

This hobby is under tremendous scrutiny so we don't need people to take their snake to a park all it take is one by stander and in no time you end up in the news, and it will make all of us look bad.

You want to educate as you claim do it in the proper setting.

That to me is a much bigger issue then your family not liking your snakes.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I may be misunderstood, when I say the park. I don't mean a large park in the middle of town. It's a shop community off of a park, where shop owners have asked us to bring them in. We sit outside, and people know they are there. We are not those "oooo look at the people with the snake around their necks!" walking around trying to look scary. That's just ignorant, and counterproductive to education.

[stloria]

OP I see two issues:

- Your immediate family members are afraid of your snakes and don't want to be around them; whether that fear is based in logic is a moot point. That's easily fixed, you leave your snakes home when visiting family, which makes both your snakes and your family happy. OTOH you will never have to worry about hosting family or holiday get-togethers as long as you have snakes in residence, which makes life much stressful on you.

- Your immediate family members also have dogs, you are allergic to dogs, and yet your family members bring their dogs to family events knowing that you will be there, or allow their dogs to come into contact with you. You have a legitimate health concern that they are ignoring, and you have every right to be PO'ed about them not showing you the same consideration that you show them. Since they won't change their behavior you can either choose to 1) put up with it, or 2) politely decline invitations to occasions where people will have their dogs with them.

I don't take them to their homes. That one family member was fine, now isn't, so the boys stay home if we go there. I would never take them without asking, either. And yes, no family functions at my house, which is GREAT.

I've begun declining indoor events at their homes. I don't need to be doped up on Benadryl while I'm there.
Thank you

[stloria]

That definitely sounds about right! There was an incident last year (it may be the same one) of an irresponsible owner leaving either a Burm or a retic in an unsecured enclosure, and 2 boys died. So of course I heard the same things... as for the rest, yes. Parts of my family are Evangelical, so I have demons in my house. I ignore them, because there is no way in the world I'll change their minds.

I've calmed down about things, I think. I have realized that I was being tantrum-y about it. If they want to learn, I will gladly teach them. If they want to meet the boys, I won't hesitate.

[stloria]

My mother is petrified of snakes.

I handle this by not having my snakes around her. Or really even discussing the snakes with her.

Strangely, this has made her less terrified and generally more accepting over time. Somehow, knowing I'm around them and they haven't eaten my children and other pets is reassuring, when in the absence of having them shoved in her face.

My husband just plain doesn't like snakes. Not afraid just very "EH". I handle that by not forcing them on him or asking him to take care of or interact with them. Also, strangely, he's gotten better and has developed a fondness for our little Calking, all on his own.

I know you're not getting respect from these people with your issues/allergies with dogs, but what's that saying? Two wrongs don't make a right? Seriously, you're just escalating the situation. Some people are PHOBIC of snakes. It has nothing to do with rationality, it has nothing to do with logic, and it has everything to do with being an innate, illogical, fear that is hard if not possible to overcome. We're not therapists. We're not providing exposure therapy to them with forced interaction. Some people just don't like them. You're not helping them, snakes, or the hobby by pushing the issue. You may be making phobias, apathy, or dislike WORSE by pushing the issue.

You are certainly harming your relationships by making it another point of contention or using them as a 'get even' weapon or to make a point.

Let. It. Go.

Not usingthem to "get even" at all. Again, it was just a for example type statement. I wouldn't take them near people who are seriously phobic. The same way I would not want someone with a tarantula to come near me. I'm not a jerk. I think this whole thing has (to use your word) escalated to make me seem like I am running around shoving my snakes in people's faces, and doing tribal dances in the town square. No.

1. We take one snake at a time to a venue where they are requested. People learn, people take photos, people smile, or they leave because they don't like snakes.

2. A family member who was previously "eh" about them suddenly (like, literally overnight. I am not exaggerating) became phobic. They no longer go near him, nor do we even bring them up around him.

3. Certain other people say they are "gross." They dismiss us when we talk about them, even if we are not talking to them. They are not fearful, just "snakes are icky." These are the people that raise my ire, but I am now dismissing them in turn.

4. I do not force my snakes on anyone. I do not parade them through the streets. They are not dogs out to be walked, nor cats to be primped and carried in purses.

5. I am slowly but surely warming other people up to them, by describing their antics, and telling the amusing stories since they have such personalities. These people may never want to be near them, or meet them, but at least they do not freak out or shudder. Passive interest is still interest.

I am sorry if my post miffed anyone off, or made me seem ignorant.

[stloria]

My attitude is my home is for the comfort of my animals...snakes, dogs, even a few mice who my husband got attached to instead of feeding to Prec. If they don't like it don't come over. Simple. Also, although I would love to show off my BP more I've always thought the stress on her would be too much. She knows my husband and I aren't going to eat her, nor her us, but I think the stress on her of forcing her on non snake people is not worth the risk. I also have a service dog (I am disabled) and the number of crazy people who run screaming when my perfectly trained service dog walks slightly in front of me to check for obstacles etc and lays quietly under the table in a restaurant, never moving, unless to check my blood sugar.


Molly & Precioucess

Some people just don't understand animals AT ALL. Luckily we have each other and our fondness. Thank you Molly.

[Sir Hognose]

My mother used Godzilla as a reference to Blue tongue skinks when I wanted one I understand the rage. I don't think I read past the first page of posts and sorry to be ignorant but I feel the first page.