No such thing as a stupid question?

[KING JAMES]

And they always need those crazy obscure microbrews. Picky bastards. (Try gentle pulsing the kale in a food processor. Not too much though or its too smooth and they won't eat it except through a crazy straw.)

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I think your problem lies in the crazy straw. What color do you use? If you are using any color other than red it effects their ocular stimulation levels and causes a chemical reaction that makes them unable to process smooth kale...smooth kale is much more nutritious than regular chopped kale. Anyone not using a red crazy straw to feed their 15 foot toothless ball python smooth kale every 17th minute of every 13th hour is guilty of animal abuse and should not be able to own a snake. I know a guy who breeds his pythons and went to school for snakes that told me this and he knows more than all of you.