Need advice..

[BrandiR]

Thanks Brandi, I'll definitely be looking into that.

I just came home from work and see he's taken grandmas van again and is making the 2 hour drive to go pick up his drugs with his daughter. Seems grandma will be needing to put more gas in the vehicle again.

You guys should all move while he's gone! Is it two hours each way? Better get goin'!

[I-KandyReptiles]

Oh how I wish we could. Grandma has wanted to sell the house before but my grandfather wants to die in this house, or so he says.

[I-KandyReptiles]

Just for the record, I'll list the things he's done from the top of my head.

-destroyed the basement suite that MY dad built for grandma. (he's destroyed 3 doors, busted the walls, allowed his children to draw all over the walls, broke the stove, dishwasher, and washing machine and dryer)
-physically attacked one of her kids
-verbally abuses everyone, including his own daughter
-gets grandma to buy him food, smokes, drugs and even made her buy him a new washer and dryer
-smokes drugs and cigarettes in the house even after grandma got a doctors note saying it was affecting my grandfathers help
-eats her food, drinks her coffee
-makes grandma buy HIS cat food, or he steals food I buy for MY cat
-has broken the riding lawn mower every time he's driven it
-buys his underage daughter alcohol and allows her and her friends to have parties in the house
-tried to GROW drugs in grandmas backyard
-uses her vehicle constantly but never pays for gas
-goes to the food bank even though he has more than enough money to buy his own food
-will buy a new tv, ps3, drugs, computer, hunting bow, fishing gear, but won't pay anything to grandma
-grandma pays for his kids cell phone
-has freaked out at his kids birthday party because they were cooking "his food" and not grandmas.
-once got angry and kicked a hole in grandmas hallway

This is just off the top of my head.

[Kensa]

Maybe something to consider doing would be to anonymously get the police involved when you know he has drugs in his possession. Or even better yet, if he is not insured under your grandparents on the vehicle, report it stolen when he takes it (unfortunately, this will have to be done by grandma/grandpa as they are the owner). Or two birds, one stone: grand theft auto AND drug possession when he takes your grandma's van to pick up his drugs. Kind of an ignorant thing to do to a 'family member' (and I use that term lightly in this situation), but maybe a criminal record and probation may help improve his attitude. And if not, multiple offences ending with a stint in prison may bring him to realize the errors of his ways. Even though the Canadian justice system is extremely flawed, but that is a discussion for another time..

Or you can always just leave status quo as is, and move out. But this doesn't really help your grandparents with the situation they are in.

[bcr229]

I just came home from work and see he's taken grandmas van again and is making the 2 hour drive to go pick up his drugs with his daughter. Seems grandma will be needing to put more gas in the vehicle again.

Call the cops, give the plate #, van description, and likely route, and have him picked up on the return trip. No one is a perfect driver, if the cop wants to pull you over eventually you will screw up and give him a reason to make a traffic stop (this is US, not sure about how it works in CA).

[PitOnTheProwl]

Wish I could help you out.....................
Sounds more like you need a friend to set him straight.

[4theSNAKElady]

OMG lady! Wow.... I am with the others on here, get your own place ASAP. And make sure you have that room SECURED. Esp if theyre going to let you keep your snakes. Make absolutely sure your guaranteed that room. It would suck if they 1. last minute changed their mind and gave it to someone else 2. Decided they don't want the snakes there. And like others said, you cant change anyone in that house. Your Grandmother has accepted her sons behavior cuz she CHOSE to. If she didn't tolerate it, shed have him arrested a long time ago. And HE has to change. No one else can make him. So, as soon as humanly possible, get outta there girlie! Change of environment is a type of therapy all in itself. PM if you need to talk/vent...you can text me too.

[DooLittle]

Well, I think you should move out too. That would be the best for you. Get out of the situation. Except that still leaves him using your grandma. She's the only one who can change that, and she has allowed him to do it. But I also know how much you love grandma, and I know she would miss you. Something really needs to be done about that piece of work. I would suggest involving the police, with the threats he has made, & prior violence. Perhaps a restraining order would be issued, and he would have to move out. I know you don't want to upset grandma, but I think those are your choices. Just move out, or create waves and try to do something about it. I think a good place to start would be a good long serious sit down talk with grandma. Tell her everything you've told us. How you feel about it all, your concerns. Be open. Explain what he is doing is damaging your family. Tell her there are things you guys can do to get rid of him. Make sure she knows this is serious. That you need to move out because of it, but are worried for her and the others. Maybe she doesn't see how serious it is. Or doesn't want too. I hope everything works out for the best for you guys.

[SaintTawny]

I'm certain it's criminal of him to be providing alcohol to his underage daughter too. Knock out a ton of problems at once by reporting him for giving alcohol to minors some time when you know she's been drinking. You could potentially get him out of your grandparent's house AND maybe help his daughter get her life straightened out before it's too late for her and she winds up just like him.

[Annarose15]

I'm certain it's criminal of him to be providing alcohol to his underage daughter too. Knock out a ton of problems at once by reporting him for giving alcohol to minors some time when you know she's been drinking. You could potentially get him out of your grandparent's house AND maybe help his daughter get her life straightened out before it's too late for her and she winds up just like him.

Depending where you live, it is not necessarily illegal to give your own "child" alcohol in your home before age 21.