Do you think it's ok?

[Andybill]

Only if its a special occasion and its meant to be a surprise. Other than that no way. My wife and I are comfortable enough to have some fun but we tell each other that we spent some money. If I am even thinking about purchasing something thats more than 50 bucks I discuss it with her and get her input, deliberate a bit and then decide whether or not its necessary. I like the cushion and the breathing room we have created. I am one to impulse buy on occasion but no matter what I let her know I spent some money that day. We like to stay on top of our finances because it can easily become the biggest headache in a relationship.

[Annarose15]

Do you think it's ok for spouses/partners to hide purchases from each other? I mean, I can see if you were doing well and didn't have bills to pay, but what about if you did have bills to pay and your spouse spent a considerable amount of money and hid it from you? Just wanting to get some opinions.

^ Based on this, I have to disagree with Andy's first statement.

Only if its a special occasion and its meant to be a surprise.

I don't care how awesome it might be to get a new big screen tv - if we can't afford to pay the power bill, credit card debt, grocery bill, etc., then my "partner" (using the term loosely in this case) has NO business spending money that needs to go elsewhere, especially without my knowledge. This is one of the deal-breakers that finally sent my ex packing after five years.

[NormanSnake]

I don't care how awesome it might be to get a new big screen tv - if we can't afford to pay the power bill, credit card debt, grocery bill, etc., then my "partner" (using the term loosely in this case) has NO business spending money that needs to go elsewhere, especially without my knowledge. This is one of the deal-breakers that finally sent my ex packing after five years.

This. This is what I'm talking about. I don't think someone should be spending money when you've both agreed that it is going elsewhere (especially when you live together). After all, tv's are great, but so are groceries. You can't eat a tv. I don't care whose money you're spending if you live together because when you're both trying to pay bills, you have to think about each other and not make large purchases for yourself and then hide it. Honesty is key here.

[Andybill]

^ Based on this, I have to disagree with Andy's first statement.



I don't care how awesome it might be to get a new big screen tv - if we can't afford to pay the power bill, credit card debt, grocery bill, etc., then my "partner" (using the term loosely in this case) has NO business spending money that needs to go elsewhere, especially without my knowledge. This is one of the deal-breakers that finally sent my ex packing after five years.

I guess that is the advantage of being happily married and holding a joint account. We both are able to see where our money is going and that way I can make educated purchases for special occasions like I did a couple days ago (5 year wedding anniversary coming up ). I am one to buy a gift for my wife and tell her not to look at the bank statement. For one I dont like her knowing how much I spend on her and 2 I dont want her finding out where I bought her gift. We most certainly pay bills but we work hard to have a little extra for occasions like this. I wont put ourselves at risk of not being able to make our payments because I really want that big screen tv. But I am a full supporter of surprise purchases when an educated and thought out decision was made during the purchase. Maybe I am just a little off base here.

[JLC]

I guess that is the advantage of being happily married and holding a joint account. We both are able to see where our money is going and that way I can make educated purchases for special occasions like I did a couple days ago (5 year wedding anniversary coming up ). I am one to buy a gift for my wife and tell her not to look at the bank statement. For one I dont like her knowing how much I spend on her and 2 I dont want her finding out where I bought her gift. We most certainly pay bills but we work hard to have a little extra for occasions like this. I wont put ourselves at risk of not being able to make our payments because I really want that big screen tv. But I am a full supporter of surprise purchases when an educated and thought out decision was made during the purchase. Maybe I am just a little off base here.

I don't think you're off base at all. This is where that TRUST comes in that I was talking about. When the partners can trust each other to not screw up the primary household budget, then special gifts can be bought from time to time, without having to discuss it before hand. I'd add "within reason" to that statement, but "within reason" will vary a great deal from one couple to another.

My husband has spent several hundred dollars at a time on surprise gifts for me. I TRUST that he is fully aware of our household budget and needs and that he knows we can afford such a purchase. And he also trusts that I have not drained the account through frivolous spending, and therefore he can be certain that we can afford it.

But at the same time, if he presented me with a brand new car on Christmas morning, without us having had a LONG talk about such a thing....we'd have a problem. That new car would have too deep of an impact on our overall financial health and well being to be a suitable "surprise" gift. But for someone raking in a seven-figure salary every year, such a gift might be perfectly ok.

There's no single right answer for everyone on this subject. We all have different financial commitments and incomes, as well as completely different personalities, strengths, and weaknesses, that must all be taken into account when navigating the minefield of big-dollar surprise gifts.

[Andybill]

I don't think you're off base at all. This is where that TRUST comes in that I was talking about. When the partners can trust each other to not screw up the primary household budget, then special gifts can be bought from time to time, without having to discuss it before hand. I'd add "within reason" to that statement, but "within reason" will vary a great deal from one couple to another.

My husband has spent several hundred dollars at a time on surprise gifts for me. I TRUST that he is fully aware of our household budget and needs and that he knows we can afford such a purchase. And he also trusts that I have not drained the account through frivolous spending, and therefore he can be certain that we can afford it.

But at the same time, if he presented me with a brand new car on Christmas morning, without us having had a LONG talk about such a thing....we'd have a problem. That new car would have too deep of an impact on our overall financial health and well being to be a suitable "surprise" gift. But for someone raking in a seven-figure salary every year, such a gift might be perfectly ok.

There's no single right answer for everyone on this subject. We all have different financial commitments and incomes, as well as completely different personalities, strengths, and weaknesses, that must all be taken into account when navigating the minefield of big-dollar surprise gifts.

Lol! Thanks Judy I was thinking as soon as I posted I should add "within reason" but you cleared that up for me! And I completely agree with every point you make here. Especially the car on Christmas morning thing! Lol! That would make me angry!