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Re: Need some advice
 Originally Posted by Kinra
Yeah, I've had way too many threads about my sister lately. :o
I'm really not used to living with other people and the fact that she's family makes it harder. Every time I solve one problem she seems to create another one.
She's the one who is requesting that they come over and not go out somewhere. She said something to the effect of she likes to get to know them in the comfort of her own apartment.
I feel like I was born without the ability to stand up for myself sometimes. If she hadn't gotten mad at me for voicing my opinion that would have been the end of it. :/
Sent from my DROID RAZR
Well, number one, it's not HER apartment. It's YOURS. And she has obviously forgotten that. She has absolutely ZERO say in anything to do with your home unless she is paying half the rent and half of everything else. And even then she needs to respect you. If she wants complete freedom to do whatever the heck she wants then she needs to move out and get her own place.
I can understand you taking care of her animals because you're an animal person and don't want to see them suffer. But you should NOT have to take care of her. And I'd tell her that if she gets that tattoo instead of paying her half of things then she can either get out or not use anything in the house that you have paid for because that is BEYOND ridiculous. Tattoos don't come before bills. I'm sorry. If she can afford a tattoo, she can pay half the rent, utilities and all of the expenses for her own pets.
Doing housework does not count as helping. She lives there too and is also helping herself by doing it. She needs to do her share of everything regardless.
Don't let her walk all over you anymore. I'd be giving her some serious ultimatums. Like...yesterday.
Oh! And no strange guys in the house! What is WRONG with this girl! What if he's a rapist or murderer or something! Then he'll know where she (and you!) live! There is a reason they say you should meet people in public for the first time. I'd tell her ABSOLUTEY NOT! And again, if she can't handle that, she can move out and get her own darn place and then do whatever she pleases!
Last edited by WarriorPrincess90; 12-07-2012 at 04:39 PM.
- Nakita
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Rebecca, it is never too late to change your habits. Be strong! You are enabling your sister to continue irresponsible habits. Break the cycle.
It is hard living with other people. You need to make sacrifices and compromises. But the fact that this is YOUR house and you are allowing her to live there, you get to make the rules. This gives her two choices:
1. Follow the rules.
2. Get the heck out.
I know it sounds harsh, but she will continue to take advantage of you until you prove that you deserve more respect than she is giving you. You need to be blunt and honest. You don't want strangers in your house. Who does??
She isn't mad at you for voicing your opinion, she is manipulating you to get her way. Don't let her do it. She will only learn that this behavior is okay and will allow her to get what she wants.
Its time to grow up, set some rules, and make her stick to them. If she can't seem to adhere to some simple rules, make her leave. You don't need this kind of stress, especially from a family member who takes advantage and doesn't appreciate all the things you do for her.
Make it clear that she is to pay her bills first before she can use any money for leisure activities or luxuries such as new tattoos. A new tattoo will not keep you fed and warm. YOU will.
Stand up for yourself! You are much stronger than you think you are!
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I probably missed it by why is she living with you? Can she not go anywhere else? From her behavior and your other threads it sound to me that she will not change (at least anytime soon) and your best option is to boot her out. Sounds tough since she's your sister but my gut is telling me she will not change her ways and she needs to learn the hard way as to what being an adult entails. I don't see this living situation becoming positive for you unless she's out of the house completely.
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Re: Need some advice
Thanks everyone.
I am going to be putting my foot down on this one. I'm guess as the youngest child (minus the 8 year old) she's had too much handed to her. She doesn't know what it means to be responsible and she's going to learn fast or I will be kicking her out. I've gone out of my way to make her happy and if she can't give me even a little respect then enough is enough. I've learned a lot of hard lesson since I turned 18 and I was hoping to save her from needing to learn them the same way, but she's not making that possible. I'm the oldest in the family and I guess I've always taken that to mean it's my job to look out for and protect my siblings, but I'm seeing now that a line needs to be drawn. 
 Originally Posted by Daybreaker
I probably missed it by why is she living with you? Can she not go anywhere else? From her behavior and your other threads it sound to me that she will not change (at least anytime soon) and your best option is to boot her out. Sounds tough since she's your sister but my gut is telling me she will not change her ways and she needs to learn the hard way as to what being an adult entails. I don't see this living situation becoming positive for you unless she's out of the house completely.
She's living with me because she decided to move to WI with me (though when she gets mad, I get blamed for that too). I have a spare room that I was going to turn into a reptile room and I decided to let her have it. At this point she doesn't have anywhere else in WI that she could go (except maybe a shelter), all of our family is back in NH or MA. I'm reaching the point where I just want to stick her on the train to Boston and say see ya later. I never realized before just how spoiled my siblings seem to be (my brother is a little better than she is, but not much). That's not to say I wasn't spoiled as a child too, but some how I am still able to be grateful for what I have and what people do for me.
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Registered User
Sounds like you should slap some respect into her ungrateful lil self, JMHO
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Yea i would seriously go with the train option. A long ride will give her time to collect her thoughts and maybe meet some random guys! hahaha
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Instead of hiding in your room, embrace your ownership of the apartment! Walk out with three pythons draped upon your person like a diva. When he introduces himself (and he should if he's a gentleman) just explain, "oh, I'd shake your hand, but I'm covered in rodent remains. Pardon me!" If the date doesn't get flighty and run, he's a keeper for your sister. If your sister gets embarrassed, kindly remind her that she won't have to worry about things like this happening if she had her own place to live. Heck, she wouldn't have to worry about it if she had just met her date at a restaurant or something.
In all seriousness though, consider drafting up a roommate agreement. Take some time to get your thoughts together on what is and isn't acceptable to you. Keep it reasonable (don't be petty- not that I think you would be) and go over it with her. Be open to suggestions, but firm in the areas you absolutely require from her. BOTH OF YOU sign it. Mail a copy to your parents, and if she continues to violate the agreement send her home. Put her on a reward system. If she plays with the cat every day for a week, does her chores without being asked, etc., she gets an hour of "company time" where she can have someone over (just an example- if you're not comfortable with anyone over don't offer it). Or, if she does something above and beyond the mandatory, say, picking up groceries one week, you'll take on a chore of hers for a weekend. If she submits X amount of job applications, treat her with a sister movie night. Eventually she'll associate work with good things instead of putting off doing it because it'll end in nagging (or what she perceives as nagging), fighting, and threats. It'll also give you guys a chance to build up your relationship and function as sisters for a while, instead of roommates. Good luck!
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I'm thinking back, and I'd definitely pull the "common courtesy" card my roommates and I employed back in the day where you didn't have random males littering the apartment, dates were carried on outside the apartment, food was eaten by the person who purchased it, and the only folks who were permitted overnight guests were those who were paying rent (and even then, that guest better be ensconced in the bedroom away from all common areas).
When you're sharing a residence with another person, those are just some of the simple rules that make living together much easier. Now I'm talking college here, so this was pre-income and we really didn't have much worth protecting (seriously, it was the early 1990's and we had a 13-inch black-and-white TV because that's all I was allowed to take up to school). You're in a different situation where you're an independent adult and have purchased animals and items of which you're rightfully protective. In that instance, I'd say even more consideration is necessary on the part of your sister (as in she needs to be really careful who she brings over), because I'm sure she'd feel just awful if anything happened to your stuff due to any irresponsible behavior on her part.
And if that isn't the case? I agree with those who've suggested a nice, long train ride back east. The child's got to learn.
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After talking with my father, to make sure I had his support, I talked with my sister. I don't think she is taking me seriously though. 
I told things had to change and they were changing today. I then told her she is now responsible for half of everything such as rent and utilities. I also told her I want to be treated with respect and she wasn't allow to have any strangers over period and if she didn't like there's the door. She looked at me very calmly and said "fine, I'll move out." I said you have until the 1st to get out or I am calling the cops and reporting you for trespassing. I am not paying for her to move back to NH and I told her even though she didn't agree strangers were still not allowed in the apartment.
The fact that she looked at me calmly and said "fine, I'll move out" leads me to believe she doesn't think I am serious. I don't know if I can really have her arrested for trespassing because she's family, but she's not on my lease and I don't know any other way of forcefully eviciting her. As horrible as it's going to sound, advice on that would be appreciated.
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Re: Need some advice
You can indeed have her arrested for trespassing even as family...however I would recommend going to the court house in w/e jurisdiction your in...explain the situation to the clerk of the court and ask how to begin eviction proceedings. In many states you must have a legal eviction notice served as they are family and/or resided with you past a certain # of days/months. We had to do this with my younger brother. Also you are going to need to have the locks changed.
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