You might be a Ball Python if...

[swansonbb]

Every time someone touches you, you poop.

[Capray]

Every time someone touches you, you poop.

Lol wut?

[swansonbb]

I've got a female that poops almost every time I pick her up. I have to watch her cloaca when I handle her, so I can tell when she's getting ready to drop one.

[arialmt]

She's you Little Deuce Coupe.

[Fidget]

If you used to know how to eat, and then one day you suddenly don't know how to eat.

[darthsamurai]

If I lecture my girlfriend on what she did wrong to deserve a bite instead of punching you in the face

[swansonbb]

Your idea of a perfect life is only emerging from your hide to eat or mate.

[coball]

If when given a new hide you decide it's more effectively used to get closer to the basking light.

If you insist that a hide you no longer fit in is more effective than one that's only slightly snug.

[barbie.dragon]

You like to make aspen tea with fresh water in your bowl.
When you leave treasures in mounds of aspen on one side of the tank.
When the camera comes out you never stop moving

[DellaF]

My care taker really thinks I can hear her or read her lips