Sometimes I hate him!

[gsarchie]

I agree with Brandi as well however I feel that what Chris was saying was that she needs to leave to take care of herself (go to a shelter, go to a food kitchen, etc.), becuase if she doesn't eat then I would say her most basic need to be filled at the moment is simply survival. If after you leave he gets his act together and you believe that he has seriously reconsidered things then you could try again at that point, assuming it is something that you want to do.

Either way, I'm sure there is more going on here than meets the eye and this is only one incident in the last XX years of your lives together. I can only give a perspective on this one thing and it is obviously out of context.

[PorcelainxDoll]

Normally his checks are abiut 470. And I put away 200 for bills and the rest is for gas, food, pets.. Ect. Well I got paid 2 fridays ago. My check was gone in about 4 days. So then he got his check this saturday. It was inly 213. Our bills havent changed so I still had to put 200 away.
My husband is not depressed he is an ex hard drug addict who now just smokes pot. But at 31 yo he should be mature enough to not spend our important bill money.
Up until 3 days ago I has a few groceries they are gone now.

My husband works at a resturaunt he gets free food so he eats every day. I on the other hand dont have that luxury.

Im not mad he smokes or bought pot. If we had the extra money I wouldnt care but at this moment and time we didnt have the extra money.

Im hurt he stole the money from me.

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[Kaorte]

Did you tell him how you feel and why you are upset?

Blowing off some steam on the forum is fine, but you shouldn't expect us to solve the problem.

Perhaps you could speak with your landlord and explain your situation and get a small extension for your rent? Maybe try selling things around the house you don't need anymore. Books, CDs, DVDs...

You need to eat. You can't starve yourself like this. Do you really have no food at all in your house? I wish I could drive over and give you a bunch of food that is spilling out of my pantry!

[ChrisS]

I agree with Brandi as well however I feel that what Chris was saying was that she needs to leave to take care of herself (go to a shelter, go to a food kitchen, etc.), becuase if she doesn't eat then I would say her most basic need to be filled at the moment is simply survival. If after you leave he gets his act together and you believe that he has seriously reconsidered things then you could try again at that point, assuming it is something that you want to do.

Either way, I'm sure there is more going on here than meets the eye and this is only one incident in the last XX years of your lives together. I can only give a perspective on this one thing and it is obviously out of context.

^^
This is what I meant with my first post. And I will add that if he is an addict then he needs to seek help through NA or some other program. "Stealing" money for pot is the first step towards remission. And I still strongly suggest you go seek help, the Salvation Army or other food bank for a meal, and leave him. If you're only ranting to rant your situation will NOT get better. Please take care of yourself and don't worry about your husband.

[MrLang]

Yeah, he's doing it wrong. Sorry to hear that.

So he gets free food at the restaurant and doesn't bring you a doggie bag? Now I'm going to have to land where Mike did:

Why are you still with him?

Take his pot and tell him you smoked it, then spout whatever excuse he gave to you for taking the money back at him. If he gets jostled enough, point out the irony in getting clean of hard drugs and treating pot like it is one.

[PorcelainxDoll]

I try talking to him. He calls me a pessamist and shuts down everything I say. Sometimes I wish I could leave him, but I cant afford to financially live without his paychecks



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[BrandiR]

^^
This is what I meant with my first post. And I will add that if he is an addict then he needs to seek help through NA or some other program. "Stealing" money for pot is the first step towards remission. And I still strongly suggest you go seek help, the Salvation Army or other food bank for a meal, and leave him. If you're only ranting to rant your situation will NOT get better. Please take care of yourself and don't worry about your husband.

I agree, you need to take care of yourself first. I don't necessarily agree that you should leave him. As someone stated earlier, we don't know if this is an isolated incident or reoccurring behavior. It's irresponsible to suggest that someone break their marriage without having all the details, and probably a degree in relationship psychology.

You need to have an honest no-holds-barred discussion with HIM about this. Ultimately, you ( and he) suffer the consequences and/or reap the rewards of the choices you make. We are a sounding board and sometimes we need that, just someone to vent to. But when you start actively contemplating a solution, take outside input with a grain of salt. You know yourself and what you want from life better than anyone else.

- - - Updated - - -

^^
This is what I meant with my first post. And I will add that if he is an addict then he needs to seek help through NA or some other program. "Stealing" money for pot is the first step towards remission. And I still strongly suggest you go seek help, the Salvation Army or other food bank for a meal, and leave him. If you're only ranting to rant your situation will NOT get better. Please take care of yourself and don't worry about your husband.

I agree, you need to take care of yourself first. I don't necessarily agree that you should leave him. As someone stated earlier, we don't know if this is an isolated incident or reoccurring behavior. It's irresponsible to suggest that someone break their marriage without having all the details, and probably a degree in relationship psychology.

You need to have an honest no-holds-barred discussion with HIM about this. Ultimately, you ( and he) suffer the consequences and/or reap the rewards of the choices you make. We are a sounding board and sometimes we need that, just someone to vent to. But when you start actively contemplating a solution, take outside input with a grain of salt. You know yourself and what you want from life better than anyone else.

- - - Updated - - -

Based on your post, its evident that you know what you want. Don't be afraid! You would be amazed at how strong you are. Financially you might suffer for awhile, but that's better than a lifetime of being unhappy.

[Andybill]

I try talking to him. He calls me a pessamist and shuts down everything I say. Sometimes I wish I could leave him, but I cant afford to financially live without his paychecks



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Realists are often mistaken for pessimists... I know; I am one! And people dont like straight talk cuz reality bites and the truth hurts. Im sorry you are in this situation. I hope it works out.

[Annarose15]

I try talking to him. He calls me a pessamist and shuts down everything I say. Sometimes I wish I could leave him, but I cant afford to financially live without his paychecks

I think everyone is giving the best advice they can, with the information we have. One (rhetorical) question I have is, do you call the situation you are currently in really financially living? Although it isn't fun or ideal, really think through your options on places to stay, etc. Yes, your credit might suffer, and that isn't remotely fair - but, neither is feeling trapped and taken advantage of by someone who is supposed to be your partner in life. Just something to consider...

[TJ_Burton]

This isn't going to make me popular...

But, openly admitting you are only with someone you are supposed to love because you require their money looks petty. I am not taking sides or even going to try to understand the complexities of your situation, but I just wanted to point that out to you. I have a hard time feeling sorry for someone who uses someone else for nothing other than financial stability.

That aside,
Your pets are a luxury. If you can't afford a $40 slip up than you can't afford a $300 vet bill. If you have a collection, downsize to your favorite snake, or simply find new homes for your animals so that you alleviate the associated costs of keeping pets. That should more than make up for $40 of slip ups and give you a larger financial pillow to land on.