Being married vs. being single

[python_addict]

I feel out of place lol I married my high school sweetheart. He was the guy I was with all throughout highschool starting from my freshman year we even graduated together. I guess after being with him the whole time I suppose my goal was to marry him even at 17...

[Slim]

While Mr. Slim might be out milking cows in his old age, that might not be your thing at 75.

At 75, I'll be happy to just find the field, never mind the cows...

As for Slim's lifestyle choice, I have a great guy friend who lives the same way. It works for him though I would recommend staying away from the married ones if you go that direction. It involves fewer weapons being pointed at you.

Been There. Done That. Nothing puts a damper on romance quicker than the sound of close proximity small arms fire...

[Mike41793]

X2 Uconn is a amazing place.

#1 party school in the country!

A studious star pupil like myself though of course only knows it as a place of higher academic learning.

[olstyn]

Been There. Done That. Nothing puts a damper on romance quicker than the sound of close proximity small arms fire...

That all depends. Sometimes my wife and I go to the range together, and it doesn't seem to dampen our romance any, but somehow I don't think that's quite what you meant...

[rabernet]

I've tried, I've failed, I'm not interested in it.

At 24, you've barely scratched the surface.

If the right person enters your life when you least expect it, you'll be amazed by how differently you'll feel.

Though I can understand given the example your mother set, why you would feel the way that you do.

[WingedWolfPsion]

Doesn't every teenager decide they'll never marry, at some point? lol.... That's not talking down. I did the same thing. The problem is, physiologically speaking, you aren't an adult, yet. Your brain is still growing, and your body and hormonal systems are still developing. The decisions you make now are no more the decisions of an adult than the ones you made when you were 5. (They're different, but they're not adult).

I realize it's daunting to consider that who you are as a person isn't yet set in stone, but there it is. I recommend not holding yourself to anything you consider at this age, because you are going to change your mind when you're more mature.

Now, as for marriage--I am married. Marriage in this day and age is a convenience for tax purposes, and a cheap way to ensure your kids all have the same last name.

The commitment you make to another person has nothing to do with the institution, which binds you financially and legally, and that is all.

Why would people choose to do this? For some, it's an outward declaration of their personal commitment to another person--which is something you will not be able to understand until you fall in love for the first time. (That may not happen until you're 20 or more--I never fell in love until I was in my early 20s). When you're in love with someone, you don't want to mess around with anyone else, anyhow. (If you do, then only date swingers or people who are into open relationships, lol).

It's increasingly difficult to live alone these days, particularly when you are first starting out. If you don't live with a mate, you'll be living with roomates. Sharing the financial burden makes a world of difference. It certainly is not easier to succeed without that. You see, you won't be saving money for another person, they'll have their own job, and will be contributing money.

That's the way it works in the US, anyhow, at least most of the time. I'm sure it's very different in India.

As for children--perhaps you'll want to pass on your legacy one day, and perhaps you won't, but that has nothing to do with marriage.

Marriage is what you decide to make of it. It can be a tax convenience on paper, or a deep commitment. You can have a deep commitment without it, too. One day, chances are, you will want a deep commitment. Don't hold to the idea that marriage ties you down--it does whatever you and your mate decide it does, and nothing more.

Marriage declares to the government "we're living together, and sharing all of our financial burdens, so tax us differently". That's all it is--a marriage of your finances to those of another person.

ANYTHING else is up to you and your partner.

As for happiness, happiness is whatever you decide it is, but mother nature always wins--don't dis her, or she will get you, lol.

There are plenty of ugly, surly, socially unfit people out there who are in stable, loving relationships. There's someone for everyone, if they keep looking.

Don't make it a life goal to find 'the one', or declare that you never will. That would take all the fun out of life. Just wait and see what happens. You can't predict how you will react in a situation you've never been in before.

[Raptor]

At 24, you've barely scratched the surface.

If the right person enters your life when you least expect it, you'll be amazed by how differently you'll feel.

Though I can understand given the example your mother set, why you would feel the way that you do.

Actually, that came about due to the only guy that's ever showed interest in me only doing so that I'd help him pass a class. Once he did, he moved on to a different woman. Not quite the best way to end the first semester of college. He ignored me at college, ignored any attempt at me wanting to hang out, and was only interested in me being his personal secretary while he went and partied all weekend. No thanks.

Any attempts on my part to connect with males my own age results in being ignored or flat out lied to.

[olstyn]

Actually, that came about due to the only guy that's ever showed interest in me only doing so that I'd help him pass a class. Once he did, he moved on to a different woman. Not quite the best way to end the first semester of college. He ignored me at college, ignored any attempt at me wanting to hang out, and was only interested in me being his personal secretary while he went and partied all weekend. No thanks.

Any attempts on my part to connect with males my own age results in being ignored or flat out lied to.

Sounds like you've just been unlucky. I don't in any way mean to minimize the pain that it has caused you, but you need to know that not every guy in the world is a jerk. I'm not saying you need to change your negative opinion of marriage or guys in an instant (or at all), but maybe it'd be appropriate to at least give people a chance to show you their character going forward. If person x is a jerk, move on, and quickly. Person y, z, a, b, or c might not be a jerk, however, and assuming they *all* will be awful to you shortchanges both them and you.

[Gloryhound]

Actually, that came about due to the only guy that's ever showed interest in me only doing so that I'd help him pass a class. Once he did, he moved on to a different woman. Not quite the best way to end the first semester of college. He ignored me at college, ignored any attempt at me wanting to hang out, and was only interested in me being his personal secretary while he went and partied all weekend. No thanks.

Any attempts on my part to connect with males my own age results in being ignored or flat out lied to.

Now I know a lot of people that have had similar feelings, myself included for a time. I learned something very quickly though that helped me out.

"If you want things to change you need to start by changing yourself!"

People that constantly blame people of the opposite sex for not wanting to pay attention to them may have to make a change to get people of the opposite sex attracted to them.

A 25+ year old guy living in his parents basement, working as a pizza delivery man, about 100 lbs over weight, that spends all day playing X-box or Role play games with his buds, and driving a 1989 Toyota Tercel needs to start thinking about changing himself to become someone women will be interested in!

If you are constantly attracting the wrong people of the opposite sex, maybe you need to change where you hang out or how you come across. If a girl comes across frumpy and boring guys don't want to hang around with them cause it is like being neutered. If she comes across as easy, only the guys that are looking at tonight are going to be interested.

Might be a little blunt, but it is true!

[Annarose15]

There are far too many cows out there giving away the milk for free, and at my age, none of them want to get married either

I say do whatever the heck you want to do, until you want to do something else, then do that.

The best plan I've ever had in life was no plan at all

Ok, so I read this entire thread, trying not to respond to this, but I can't resist any longer... Why would these clever ladies buy the whole pig when they can get the sausage for free?

But to the OP's questions and Slim's point - What does this even have to be a decision? Why shouldn't we just live our lives in a way that makes us happy and doesn't hurt anyone else? If we fall in love and want to get married, who cares about some "decision" we made when we were 17? If we fall in love and don't get married, who cares what our parents' generations before us thought was "proper"? I turned 30 last weekend and live with my boyfriend. It's been the most tumultuous relationship of my life, but the good keeps outweighing the bad, and the bad keeps getting better. Will I marry this guy? I don't know. I'm/We're not ready now, and that's all that matters right now.