Being married vs. being single

[Dracoluna]

When it comes to marriage, or even relationships for that matter, the only thing that counts is what you two feel for each other. I'm 29, been married twice, divorced once, and used to say that I was never getting married/have kids. The first marriage was a big mistake but taught me a lot. The second one, I used what I learned and married one of my best friends. The only person I'm closer to is my sister. We have an odd relationship or so I'm told. We don't do everything together, don't share a ton of interests, and our financials are kept completely separate. The only three things that we have in common are we love to game (how we met in the first place), our morals, and what we believe is financially important. This allows both of us our freedom while at the same time, gives us the support when we need it (not to mention that sex is much better than by myself). When my sister had a problem and I decided to drive halfway across the country with no notice, he told me to enjoy the trip and call if I needed anything. When he's wanted to go to a major card tournament for a weekend with the boys, I told him the same thing. We do a lot apart but because we trust each other, it doesn't affect our relationship. He's not an animal person but tolerates the zoo I brought with me. He'll never go to reptile shows or help with taking care of them, but I'm ok with that. If he insisted that we stay 'closer' or that I give up my animals (assuming I hadn't gotten in over my head), then we'd be going our separate ways but the same applies to him. We both came out of marriages where our partner tried to change who we are so it shows in the respect and freedom we give one another in this marriage. Like I said, people tell me it's odd but it works for us and that's what matters.

Don't give up on the idea and close yourself off from the possibility. Don't let others tell you that you will fall in love someday either. Keep yourself open and though you don't have to look for it, don't run if someone falls into your life. Live your life to the fullest and roll with what comes. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad, sometimes you're by yourself, and sometimes you're not. Never be scared to live it though that way, when you are older, you don't have a list of regrets.

As for Slim's lifestyle choice, I have a great guy friend who lives the same way. It works for him though I would recommend staying away from the married ones if you go that direction. It involves fewer weapons being pointed at you.

[wolfy-hound]

Being married or single won't change you and won't change a relationship you choose to be in. It's just a legal paper that may allow some benefits that you otherwise would not be able to take advantage of.

Some people feel a deep bond with their partner, can't conceive of a life without them, do everything to make them happy. This doesn't change whether they have the bit of legal paper or not. If I had lost our marriage certificate... or the government had a glitch and said suddenly our marriage wasn't in the system anymore so we were not legally married, it would not have changed the relationship I had with my husband.

In the same mind, getting married will not improve a relationship or make it deepen to a new level. What matters is what level of commitment you feel with your partner.

As far as the OP, you're 19. You may change your mind at some point, you may go through life without ever having another relationship, or you may have a deep meaningful partnership with someone yet still not marry them. There's more life ahead of you than behind you at this point hopefully... and you should live it openly without preconceived ideas.

Don't put a limit on yourself, your goals or your potential. The most freeing answer to a question about your plans or future is "I don't know yet".

At 20, I would never have thought of my current career. At 30 I would never have considered taking a job so far from home. At 42, I have a career and the best job situation ever in my life. When I was young, I had no desire for relationships, no plans for marriage. It just worked out that way later on.

[Wicked Constrictors]

When i was 17 i wanted no kids and no husband. I wanted to work and live alone, but that all changes when i was 21 and meet the man i knew i wanted to be with so after 3 months of dating yes 3 months we got married had 2 kids and been married for 9 year next month. Our marriage out last 95% of our friends and we are still happy as can be.

[Gloryhound]

Been married going on 11 years on July 28th. Have a 9 year old daughter that is my little mud muffin Princess. (She will go head deep in the creek to catch a frog.) I probably wouldn't have my daughter if I wasn't married or if I did it would have ended up being with the crazy lady I picked up drunk one night on a dare from my buddies and would have had to deal with her for the next 18 years while paying out large sums of money in child support.

Yes, I don't do somethings that I would if I was single, but on the same note I have experienced a lot of things I would have never tried if I was still single. Also I have a lot of things done for me around the house, so that definately takes a load off my shoulders.

[alittleFREE]

I'm only a few years older than you, and while I've been single my entire life (which admittedly, isn't that long of a time ) and haven't been horribly unhappy or anything, I dread the idea of never having the support that would come from a marriage. I definitely want to get married, and I want to have children, too.

I know that I can be self-sufficient and I'm kind of a loner by nature anyway, but it sure would be nice to have someone to share both the good news and bad news with eventually.

[CherryPython]

I had "relationships" when I was a teenager. A pretty horrific one turned me into a person that resigned themselves to being single forever and I was fine with that...until I met Grant.

At 20/21 a relationship is something completely different to how it was before for me. We see each other just enough, neither of us hold each other back or stop the other from doing something, and if something needs discussing then we discuss it like adults. In light conversation, we've discussed all sorts of future plans but neither of us have set anything in stone, we're still young and want to do so much together before that time comes. When I resigned myself to being single it was because I honestly didn't want another relationship, couldn't see myself in one - then Grant showed me what a real relationship is. And when you find someone you can imagine spending a lot more time with than just the nights down the pub...you know lol I don't know anyone I can have more of a laugh and fun with, who treats me right, and who makes me more happy - had I stuck by my guns when I met him and decided to not pursue him further (sounds a bit creepy..), the invention of a time machine and slap to the face would be in order.

I've known guys younger than me (16-20) that literally set their life goal at that age,and it's to meet a girl. If they haven't met the right person, it's the end of the world and their 16 year old life. They seemed to set their minds on marriage and kids at that age and spent all their time looking for the right girl, never did anything else. I think back now to when I was 16 - I wasn't even thinking of guys, I wanted to go places and do awesome stuff and read books and learn how to play instruments. Enjoy myself.

It's a tad early to be thinking about marriage at your age in my opinion...I'm still too young to be thinking seriously about it too lol. Like you said, you might change so I wouldn't make your mind up so soon

[Plissken]

When i was 19, I thought i met the girl i was going to marry and we were together for 5 years, but that didn't work out...the difference between 19 and 24 are vast. I lived with a girl for 13 years, we were great in the beginning, but due to changes in both our lives, including both of us getting new careers, interests and now being mid 30's and almost 40...we grew apart. She texted me recently to tell me she's getting married...wanted me to know before it went on facebook (we are still good friends and share joint custody of a lab.)
I've been with a girl for a year and a half now...l live with my animals, no humans in my house...I'm a month away from 43 years old...i'm not the same person i was in my 30's.

You're 17...you will hardly recognize the person you are now when you hit 25.
The way you engage yourself with others will change, your perceptions and perspectives will change and your circle of friends and goals will change.
I wouldn't recommend rushing into marriage, but at your age, I wouldn't discount it just because you crave the freedom of being on your own and not under your parents (or anyone else's rules.) One day soon you'll be on your own and have the freedom you've always wanted...with that you will look forward to going home and spending time with your family and having a home cooked meal...life's funny that way.

[Mike41793]

Boy, if I had a rolled up newspaper I would smack you with it!

The funniest part is that was coming from a kid who had to take Algebra 1 twice lol. Looks like i did learn something in highschool

Woah I totally thought you were atleast 21 haha wow

Oh and the college girl idea is good to think about haha have fun in college and you will find someone.

You probably just thought that bc im so mature for my age.

And yea i only go to community college but ive visited friends at Uconn and other schools. There are PLENTY of girls in college for you lol

[Rob]

X2 Uconn is a amazing place.

[SlitherinSisters]

Trust me, you'll change your mind You're still young and those teenage relationships are almost meaningless compaired to the ones you will have when you are older.

Being married has a lot of perks if you marry the right person and don't jump into it. I could never afford my lifestyle and toys if i didn't have my fiance. We are getting married this month in fact.

Yes being with someone does 'limit' you, but that usually makes you a better person. You have someone counting on you to make the right choices and help them out. And vice versa, if you pick the right person.

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