Significant Other Losing Interest...

[Xotik]

So when my boyfriend and I started dating, I already had 3 snakes, and was planning on purchasing more. He knew of my plans to breed and was all gung ho. Well now we have 15.

Recently he has been pulling on the brakes really hard. He gets upset when I pair my BPs, and gets really mad if I mention buying more snakes. He told me a few weeks ago he was going to buy me a visible morph when we go to the white plains show, but now he gets mad when he sees me perusing fauna.

He decided - without consulting me - that we HAD to sell a few of our snakes. I agreed, but was rather upset that he didn't even consult me before deciding on who we were getting rid of and why. He also doesn't want me breeding because I can't "prove" how many babies we will end up with. He doesn't want to end up with 30+ snakes at once - when he knows full well that was my goal in the first place.

It got worse a few days ago. I have an opportunity to "borrow" a local breeders Spider to breed with one or two of my normal females, and we would split the clutch(es) down the middle. Well Sam got MAD. He didn't want ANY of it. I'm getting really upset with his wishy washyness, and I would really like him to make up his mind.

I do 90% of the work for all the pets we have, not just the snakes. Though he insists on using coconut husk for his baby IJ's bedding, and I'm allergic to it - he does everything for her, and most everything for his dragon. But the rodents, fish, cats, amphibs and other snakes I do. I pay for around 80% of the food and bedding. I bought all the enclosures. I bought all the flexwatt, thermos, tubs...Everything almost. And yet I still get into huge fights over something that I thought was going to happen.

I feel like even though I take care of all of us, work almost full time, go to school full time and keep the world in my house sane, I have no control over my own hobby. I'm not sure if it will get better after we sell the 5 snakes we have decided to. Two of them are male normals, and probably aren't even worth posting online, because their shipping alone would be twice as much as their price to begin with. I don't know if I should feel bad for him for kinda bombarding him with this - though he has known about all this for a year, and we've been dating for 8 months..

I'm at a loss of what to do, cause if he is freaking over having 15 snakes, whats he going to do when we do get back down to 10 and have babies hatching? What then?

Anybody else had/have a remotely similar problem?

[heathers*bps]

I can't say that I have been in the same situation, BUT, Chad and I have started this together, and this is definitely something we do TOGETHER that we enjoy TOGETHER.

Now, I am not saying give up what YOU want to do because your significant other doesn't approve or isn't so gung ho about it. But, you are in a relationship. Which means a partnership, with whatever you each decide to do. You want to breed snakes, awesome. He wants to do wadda wadda with whatever he wants to do with his life, great! You BOTH have to be on the same page. You give a little, you get a little. There might be somethings you have to let go of or give up for him to make him happy, and vise versa.

It honestly doesn't sound like you are too happy about getting rid of some of your snakes. So you honestly have to do some SERIOUS thinking. Is this something you truly, ultimately want to do with your life? Is it something you could live without ( or even another year or two ) for your S/O? ( that would be significant other, just incase you didn't understand ) and do some deep down talking with your man. I know if it ever got to the point where Chad was like, look this is too much work and I want to let go of everything or half of everything, I know I would have to see things from his point. And help him out from there, know what I mean?

God, sorry for the ramble!! I hope that I have helped, atleast some!!

[Lupe]

In my own opinion if they are your investment you should be the one deciding if you want to let some go. I would not give up any of my animals just because my boyfriend didn't like them. And just because you have been in a relationship 8 months doesn't mean it will last forever... I've seen too many friends be with someone for long periods of time give up things they like just to make their s/o happy and end up breaking up. You should do what makes you happy and try and be happy with hobbies that make him happy (weather it's video games, cars, or whatever else guys like to do.)

[Daybreaker]

All I can say is if my bf told me to not get any more snakes and to give up some of the ones I have already he'd be out of my life in a heartbeat...IMO it's not fair of him to tell you what to do with your animals and to get mad over something that he knows you've been wanting to do/accomplish. I think it's very selfish of him to do so. And if he can't back you on your breeding goals what else will he have a problem with down the road? What else will he not support you with?

Eight months isn't a long time to be with someone IMO, and there are red flags waving in the relationship already it seems from this issue between you two. I think I'd be taking a step back and really see where things are going with this guy and see if it's worth making yourself unhappy over (and you're obviously unhappy now!).

Just my .2 cents.

[Domepiece]

That sucks. If my girlfriend was trying to get me to get rid of my snakes she'd be the first one I'd get rid of. However we do not live together, they are at my own place, and I pay for and take care of all of them. I love my girlfriend but I also love my snakes, they are my hobby and keep me busy, she knows how much they mean to me and if she wanted me to get rid of them I really wouldnt think she had my best interest at heart. That is just me and my situation though. Hope you guys get everything worked out. Goodluck

[Domepiece]

in my own opinion if they are your investment you should be the one deciding if you want to let some go. I would not give up any of my animals just because my boyfriend didn't like them. And just because you have been in a relationship 8 months doesn't mean it will last forever... I've seen too many friends be with someone for long periods of time give up things they like just to make their s/o happy and end up breaking up. You should do what makes you happy and try and be happy with hobbies that make him happy (weather it's video games, cars, or whatever else guys like to do.)

^^^xxxxx2222222

[Domepiece]

all i can say is if my bf told me to not get any more snakes and to give up some of the ones i have already he'd be out of my life in a heartbeat...imo it's not fair of him to tell you what to do with your animals and to get mad over something that he knows you've been wanting to do/accomplish. I think it's very selfish of him to do so. And if he can't back you on your breeding goals what else will he have a problem with down the road? What else will he not support you with?

Eight months isn't a long time to be with someone imo, and there are red flags waving in the relationship already it seems from this issue between you two. I think i'd be taking a step back and really see where things are going with this guy and see if it's worth making yourself unhappy over (and you're obviously unhappy now!).

Just my .2 cents.

^^^^^xxxx22222

[RobNJ]

If you are serious about your investment in your hobby(not only monetarily) and your plans within it, and the boyfriend is not, it'll more than likely end up with one side or the other(or both) resenting each other. Daybreaker is right, 8 months isn't a long time at all and he could have just gone through a phase rather than a change. At the end of the day, you need to evaluate your situation and decide what is in your best interest...also have a hard look at who you think could be a stable part of your life for longer, the snakes or the boy. He came in knowing of your situation, and from what it sounds like, it's not exactly something you've built upon together. But if this is the guy you are going to marry, sounds like you'll have to learn to severely compromise. Lots to think over...

[RichL]

All I can say is if my bf told me to not get any more snakes and to give up some of the ones I have already he'd be out of my life in a heartbeat...IMO it's not fair of him to tell you what to do with your animals and to get mad over something that he knows you've been wanting to do/accomplish. I think it's very selfish of him to do so. And if he can't back you on your breeding goals what else will he have a problem with down the road? What else will he not support you with?

Eight months isn't a long time to be with someone IMO, and there are red flags waving in the relationship already it seems from this issue between you two. I think I'd be taking a step back and really see where things are going with this guy and see if it's worth making yourself unhappy over (and you're obviously unhappy now!).

I agree with this post 100% ! Of course just change around the 'bf' to 'Gf' =) haha

[wendhend]

This sounds all too familiar. My husand of almost 15 years definitely resents my snake hobby. He didn't mind it in the beginning before I had very many of them, but after a few years and growing numbers, he grew to resent it. He doesn't hate the snakes, but just the fact that I have so many of them and must spend time taking care of them, as well as the time spent on my snake business, website, networking, etc. We do have a good marriage, and it's more important to me than the herp hobby, but I must admit that I constantly feel torn and between my animals and my family. I have the majority of my critter in racks now, so that they don't take up as much space as when I used to have a lot of them in glass display cages. I also try to do most of the feeding and cleaning when he isn't home. That has helped some. I am also constantly trying to reduce my collection to the most high end animals and sell off the mediocre morphs as I produce fancier stuff. I hate selling off animals that I love, but I feel that I have to in order to maintain harmony in my marriage and family. And I know that I have a lot of snakes. My husband wouldn't be concerned at all if I only had 15. It's just that I have close to 100 in my permanent collection with more fancy ones on the way..... and I know I need to put a few more up for sale soon. Sacrifices....... Good luck!