Finally!

[Jay_Bunny]

Well so all you know I was planning on taking the advice not to get them in the first few replies. As for the respect of my mother....if she showed me some then I Would return it but she doesn't even try. Every night its the same thing....I need $5,10,20,50. "Well What do you need it for?" "Your dad needs cigerettes" its never can I borrow and pay you back. Because j never get paid back. If I had all the money she said she Would pay me back I would be like bill gates. I just don't really repsect her anymore she causes all this drama and talks crap about my gf who has depression issues. She acts like she's two and gives me the silent treatment daily for stupid stuff like not wanting To pay for my dads addiction to cigerettes because I know he doesn't need them. I quit he can too. I just don't understand how she can treat me like crap in a daily basis and expect me to repsect her and help her out. Sure she raised me. But if I count the Times I had to bail her out with cash its like I'm raising a child myself. Sorry if this disrepects anyone but I speak my mind and I'm not going to hide how I feel about my home situation.

Kevin Bullis

I'll answer you in order of the bolded text.....

1) I had a rough relationship with my mother growing up. We fought constantly. And I'm not talking just verbally. We didn't trust each other. We didn't have much of a parent child relationship. I had that with my grandmother, who pretty much raised me from the time I was born. I used to spout off to my friends that if she'd show me some respect, I'd respect her. But it wasn't until I put on my big kid pants and started acting like an adult, that I began to get the respect I'd longed for from her. I made the decision to be the adult in the situation and you know what, my mother and I have a good relationship now. I love spending time with her. You just have to grow up a little.

2) Do you know how much money that woman put out to raise you? It costs a looooot of money to raise a kid. My husband and I are about to start a family and just looking at the costs of everything a baby would need, then school, extra=curricular activities, etc. That is a loooot of money. But you know what, she's expected to pay that money to raise you. That is her job. I understand it gets tough when your parents ask you for money. Heck, my mom asked me for $5000 to pay off a car loan. Never saw that money again. I let her borrow close to $1000 to pay her bills one month. Never saw that again. I've bought her food for her dogs even. And I used to complain about it. She's my mother. I figure she brought me into this world. Its the least I can do. And she hasn't borrowed from me again. In fact, she's done a lot recently to help me while my husband and I are trying for a family and getting our own place again. She's giving us furniture. She took us in for a few days while we were dealing with a horrible house guest. Have a sit down talk about your money concerns. Let her know that while you love helping her out, you do work hard (I assume you do anyway) for your money and would not like to spend it on things like cigarettes and such.

3) Addictions are hard to overcome. And its even harder for those who enable the addicted. My mother was an alcoholic and she was a big smoker. I can tell you it is very hard when someone you love asks you to go to the store for something they are addicted to. My mother recently went to the hospital for a problem the doctor says is possibly linked to her smoking habit. We were really scared for her. (I can't for the life of me remember what its called, but basically the doctor said it had something to do with the blood supply to her intestines) She was terrified. She quit smoking cold turkey and was doing really well. Then just last week I caught her smoking again. It is a battle and while you might think its stupid, for them it is a very real addiction that often enough, they just don't have the willpower to control.

4) While I am not a parent yet, understand that raising a child is more than just giving them money. Often enough I had to play mother to my younger sister. I had to be the mature one. I had to mother her and be there for her. Yes it sucks that your parents are being immature, but you are no better in the way you react to their behavior. It sounds like a house full of five year olds. Man up and be the adult here. Sit down with your parents and explain how you feel. They may not come around to seeing things your way yet. And no, you may not be able to get snakes until you are out on your own, and yes that sucks, but I'd work on repairing the relationship with your mother before worrying how many snakes you can fit under your bed. The relationship one has with their parents should be a wonderful one and I'm so glad I could repair the one I have with my mother. You should try. Even if it is just little things. Cook dinner for her. Offer to do some housework so she can relax. Sit down and have a chat. Let her know you want to have a good relationship with her and you are willing to put forth the effort.

Just my 2 cents.