It sounds like you went into things with the best intentions and are doing everything you can to give your snake a good home. I think that when you get a snake you should be prepared for the possibility of having to feed live. Feeding F/T certainly has benefits for the snake and the keeper but you are certainly not avoiding death. You only distance yourself from the death. This never made me feel any better. On top of knowing that the rodent was once alive and is now dead because I need to feed my snake, I have seen the breeding conditions of large facilities. Now I am not going to come on here and say that large facilities are cruel or inhumane. Rodents will live like that on their own if given the chance. I just personally feel good giving my feeders more room, cardboard to chew, paper towels to make nests. For me raising my own feeders makes me feel better about their death not worse. I hope you can find a good home for your BP. I would suggest getting a corn snake or similar colubrid if you decide to try again. They tend to be a bit more active and eat F/T a bit easier.