Time for tough love Chica.

You are enabling your mother to be greedy and self-centered by continuing to go to her with your problems only to have her dump hers on you. It's not about fault or blame or any of that crap, some people just aren't good at being parents. The reasons, for now, don't matter. You got short changed. Get over it.

You're young, fairly good looking and have a decent brain. You also know how to work people. Don't deny it, your bar posts make it evident. You're not the first and are far from the last, but if you can't be honest with yourself, you will be miserable.

Since you do have a working brain, what you need is some guidance. Do you have grandparents that you're on good terms with? Any family at all that would lend you a shoulder? I have no doubt that you will be fine in a fairly short time. You're going through a lot of stuff right now and some of it probably for the first time. We learn by doing, by the mistakes we make and the successes we achieve. Right now you're doing a lot for the first time. It will be uncomfortable and hard and make you want to give up. Welcome to The World.

There are people here who will offer advice, heh, and some like me who will want to be helpful but know that the only way for you to really get through this and be better for it, is to just do it. Do it the best you can, learn from your mistakes and build on your successes. You're only 21. It's OK to not know all the answers and feel just the way you do. It's OK to complain about it, a bit, and ask for help and just vent.

Then, when you're done with that, move on. Make a list of what you want to do in the next 30, 60, 90 days and do that. Don't rely on your mother for anything. If you don't put her in a position where she can let you down, you won't feel so bad. If your dad can help, great. Maybe show him this thread and let him see what you're really going through. He may not know. Sometimes us guys, while we mean well and try hard, just don't see what you women do, what you need. It's OK to spell it out for him, us. Occasionally.

Try keeping a journal or just writing things down and working them out. Remember though, if you put it online it never goes away. If it's on your computer, someone can find it. If you put things down you want no one to ever know, and it's OK to do that, use paper. Then destroy it when you're done. Writing your problems and then burning the paper, safely, can also help let go of anxiety and fear.

I think you'll be OK. Don't give up, don't give in.