Hmmm... Well the slight argument from some members represenataion of reality all have alot to agree with..

Firstly.. Its not always your choice as to what you do with your life. There is a such thing as being forced into a huge life decision or pretty much being trapped where you are. Cause & effect. No matter what your age. IE.. Certain things involving family will always take presidence over your own personal happiness. If it doesnt? You have no humanity in you. To allow others to suffer because of your decisions.. Even if this has never happened to you, it is possible and quite common.

Many people who never planned to have children or wives or whatever, will end up having this anyway. How many of you were not accidents?

So anyway...
I was broke at 19, but I was pretty happy. Disappointed at times with the path I had chosen. To not go to collage, but I was still happy. Definately free. Had a hard time paying rent more than once but somehow I always managed and I always had fun even though I had no extra money to spend.

The school thing sounds familier. I bet you always scored above average on the state tests you took every year in school. But school itself is a combination of boring, too competetive between classmates and really doesnt do much for some people.

Ex? She is doing what typical women who had something good, got used to it, got bored with it, realised the truth, but hates change and cant let go.. Do. Ive done it. I know alot of other women who have done it. Its normal.

The only way to really be sure how she feels, because right now even she doesnt know, IS to cut ties. She needs to have no contact with you at all. For at least a few months. If she moves on or her "feelings" fade, it wasnt real to begin with. Not real love anyway. Maybe a lesson in emotions. A great experience for both of you. But not one that was to stay.

If you dont cut ties she will continue to treat you like this until a "rebound" comes along and wooo's her away from you. That would be worse on you in the end. So just do it now.

Job? Do anything. Anything at all. Even fast food, hardware store, department store, gas station etc.. Doesnt matter. Just get something where you can escape yourself for awhile and focus on other people. Meanwhile look into things that revolve around what you really want to do. You can write letters, look for a sponser. Contact people in that area etc.. You need to be able to get from day to day by yourself (mentally, emotionally, financially) before you can let anyone else affect you in these areas. Dont get discouraged. You are young and you will make good and bad decisions but in the end there will always be something that will make your day worth it. Its usually the most trivial thing too. Hard to notice but it will be there.