I'm confused. If the new girl has said "stop" then you should leave her the heck alone. Not "backing off for now" and not "toning it down".
If your ex is saying for you to stop seeing the new girl, she has no say over what you do, she's an 'ex' not a mommy.
But no matter why you say the new girl is saying for you to stop trying to see her, you should honor her wishes and stop. Otherwise it's called stalking and harrassment, no matter how much you like her, or think she's the one. If anyone says "stop" then you stop bugging them.
Sounds to me like you need to move on, and get away from the whole group. If anyone contacts you, then by all means, have friendships with them. But let the ex go do her thing, and anyone that says they don't want to see you, let them go do their thing.
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