I messed up big time :( (advice appreciated...)

[retic720]

My girlfriend of 7 months left me again 2 months ago. She basically left me coz "she can't love me teh way I love her" (i know it's kinda cliche...but she's used to dating jerks; her first bf was actually a married man who used her, the other promised to leave his gf to marry her and move down south...also the reason why she left me the first time and I was oblivious about the other guy at the time we first dated).

Anyhows, at her birthday party last year, I met one of her friends; she was pretty and all and I admit that she's attractive...but I couldn't make my move at that time coz...I was still in love with the ex.

Fast forward to almost 2 months after the break up, with the recent storms plaguing the Philippines, I asked her how she managed. We eventually had small talk. Then all of the sudden, she invited me to her exhibit (it's her thesis) and encouraged me to bring her friends and vote for her piece. Oh yeah, when i ran into her again after my visit, i handed her a single rose (I kinda cuss at myself until now...I was pretty much on autopilot and I sorta "woke up" to me handing her that rose)

I've been noticing these little things about her...at the time it was still the ex and me, I'd catch her glancing at me, she was the first in her circle to greet my happy birthday, she would get uncomfy if I got comfy with my ex...and now the invite.

I went there twice anyways (the first time, with my subordinate. the 2nd time, with my boss...), but I feel kinda awkward since it's like everybody there in the exhibit sorta knew who I was (and I never introduced myself!!!).

Now here's where things got interesting....

1) a week before i visited the exhibit, I sent a message to my ex (she hates personal/over the phone "confrontations"...jeez), telling her that I forgave her (again). At first she was thankful that I've moved on. Days later, she went ballistic on me.

2) just last week, she went ballistic on me again; I've been in touch with her friends and she considers it "stealing". I firmly reminded her that her two male friends reached out to me; i never initiated the first contact with those two. Finally, my business with this new girl, is none of her business. She then went on "what makes me think this new girl is interested in me" (the neerrrrve!!!)

Long story short, I feel that the new girl's now uncomfy and hesitant about me coz she asked me to "stop". Of course, I understand the situation a bit well, I decided to give her space...although I feel that it was a waste coz now that I'm finally free to explore that attraction, the ex had to intervene.

NOTES:

1) the girl's older sister is close to the ex

2) the first male friend of the ex who got in touch with me was encouraging me to patch up and reach out to my ex

3) the second male friend who contacted me (fiance of number 1 listed above) actually encouraged me to hang out with their crowd again

4) right now, I've decided to give the girl space...if we're meant for each other, I believe i have done enough on my part coz i feel the ball's in her court now and she'll act...in her own time.

5) I AM prepared to wait...but that doesn't mean I'll be exclusive ...seriously tho, I feel bummed that I had a good start and then...this happens

[pavlovk1025]

I dont get it. Youre single, shes single. If you guys like each other and this has potential to be more than a fling, bet it all. Go all in. Just cause it makes somebody unhappy doesnt mean you have to miss out on something that can be great. Haters will hate, but thats only because their negativity doesnt allow them to have someone to love.

[mikels]

I've been down that road don't waste your time.By the way misery loves company.
Good luck remember your free so do what you want..

[STEW]

What exactly did u mess up? Seems to me that your ex messed this up. You should probably cut communication completly with that knucklehead and quit letting her dictate your life..... She is not with you anymore man, I wouldnt even put up with that garbage if she still was.


It seems like you are just lusting after this other chick pretty hard, Id leave her alone just because she is connected with the ex...... Plenty of other females out there just as good as that one. Do what you do though.

[pavlovk1025]

What exactly did u mess up? Seems to me that your ex messed this up. You should probably cut communication completly with that knucklehead and quit letting her dictate your life..... She is not with you anymore man, I wouldnt even put up with that garbage if she still was.


It seems like you are just lusting after this other chick pretty hard, Id leave her alone just because she is connected with the ex...... Plenty of other females out there just as good as that one. Do what you do though.

Im down with the plent fish in the sea advice, but Ive seen some strong relationships come out of the ex's friend scenario. The only thing he's got to consider is the chance of this newfound romance being more of a "filling the gap" type of ordeal or a genuine thing. Rebounds suck times two cause they leave you hurting from a second ordeal without healing from the first.
Spoken like a true chick, I must be channeling my wife right now.

[STEW]

Im down with the plent fish in the sea advice, but Ive seen some strong relationships come out of the ex's friend scenario.

This may be true, however, his ex is crazy.....that is obvious. Nothing good will come from this.

[pavlovk1025]

This may be true, however, his ex is crazy.....that is obvious. Nothing good will come from this.

LOL! Yeah buddy. And so the scene is set for a romantic comedy chock full of hijinks and disastrous sabotage played out by a crazy ex. Sounds like a Jennifer Aniston/Ben Stiller/Amy Poehler kind of movie to me.

[ladywhipple02]

Personally, I've found that ex's, like any addiction, are best dealt with by quitting cold turkey, and having support to help you through it. Talk to family and friends, but ones NOT associated with your ex in any way. It's the only way you'll ever truly get over her.

[wolfy-hound]

I'm confused. If the new girl has said "stop" then you should leave her the heck alone. Not "backing off for now" and not "toning it down".

If your ex is saying for you to stop seeing the new girl, she has no say over what you do, she's an 'ex' not a mommy.

But no matter why you say the new girl is saying for you to stop trying to see her, you should honor her wishes and stop. Otherwise it's called stalking and harrassment, no matter how much you like her, or think she's the one. If anyone says "stop" then you stop bugging them.

Sounds to me like you need to move on, and get away from the whole group. If anyone contacts you, then by all means, have friendships with them. But let the ex go do her thing, and anyone that says they don't want to see you, let them go do their thing.

[mainbutter]

i'm confused. If the new girl has said "stop" then you should leave her the heck alone.

+1