How You Know You Are A Real Herper!

[Sloanreptiles]

-When you look into your snake room for hours trying to figure out the best way to add another 300 snakes only to do it again the next day.
Happens to us all to often.
-You sit on the phone with another person talking about balls and the various sizes and colors you've seen and dont even think of it in any way sexual

[Melicious]

When you're in 8Ball Chat, talking about having kids, and marking their height by the height of the tubs on your rack system.

[SlitherinSisters]

You guys are good!!

I love the stripper shoes!

[Pandora]

You might be a Herper if...
•The local power plant knows the exact moment your timers go off!
•You answer the door holding a big fat snake & wonder why the Jehovah's Witnesses won't talk with you.
•Your house was raided by the police after a tipoff from the electric company suspecting you of growing pot.
•You and a friend are overheard talking about your babies & someone asks about them, you reply "yeah, my 'baby' is 15' long & weighs around 125 pounds!!!"
•You have a special drawer to keep perfect sheds in.
•Your freezer is full but the kids whine that there's nothing to eat!
•You're the customer at the pet store but answer all the herp questions.
•You do a double take at the latest prime specimen in your local herp store haunt & as your significant other begins to glare you say "This is it!! The last one I promise!! I promise!"...and you are believed for the very last time!
•Your mom knows about you & your excursions out into the woods and into the local pet store, and now frisks you down as soon as you enter the house!
•You quit smoking not to better your health, but out of concern for the effect of second hand smoke on your herps.
•Your arms say you're an I.V. drug user...your python says you're dinner!
•You bypass your girlfriend's Victoria's Secret catalog to get to your latest Reptiles Magazine.
•The employees at the local pet store give you dirty looks every time they see you heading for the small animal section.
•You've learned that defrosting rodents in the microwave DOES NOT WORK!! (Splat! Really gross!!)
•You have way more pillowcases than you have pillows.
•You tell the salesperson at the pet store you won't be needing the seven-day health guarantee on the mouse you just bought.
•You tell yourself you don't look stupid while people are watching you flip rotted boards hunting for snakes on the side of the road.
•You pretend that there really is a good reason to flip boards by the side of the road while people stare like you're crazy!
•You spend countless hours inventing stupid things like this.
•You drive around on recycling day looking for the biggest piles of newspaper & feel guilty and sneaky when people look out their windows & come out yelling at you for stealing!
•Your girlfriend gets mad because you spend way too much time in the Rubbermaid container section dreaming of ways to use them, yet give her a 2-minute limit when she's buying clothes!
•You do your best to give the guy wearing snakeskin boots your dirtiest look & start to wonder if you could get off on just manslaughter.
•You buy car loads of bark mulch but could care less about landscaping.
•You want world peace, to save the environment, a cure for AIDS and a better way to kill mites.
•Your neighbors watch your house closely during hatching season when they see people entering empty handed & leaving with small boxes, and then report you to the police as a drug dealer!!!
•People ask you to pack the truck when they move because YOU have the uncanny ability to fit more fish tanks and sweater boxes into the smallest space available.
•There is always enough room on your credit card to buy another herp, but you ignore your bills.
•You are foolish enough to do this as a business & actually thought you might make a living at it.
•People spend big bucks to get rid of rats & mice and you spend bigger bucks breeding them.
•You stop in a pet store just to look at the reptiles and end up buying a fake plant for a buck so you don't look stupid.
•You spent your last dollar on a reptile book and don't get paid for another week!!
•You buy 100-watt bulbs by the case.
•Upon seeing the Vanity Fair issue with the picture of Cindy Crawford naked, with a boa around her, the first reaction of my herper friends was "Nice looking snake, distinct markings...must be Boa constrictor...looks like a Surinam."
•Your friends need to pull at least three guinea pigs out of the fridge when trying to find the salami.
•You judge the quality of a garage sale by the potential herp housing units for sale.
•You've said "Are aquariums all right?" to a prospective landlord and don't own a single fish.
•You evaluate potential apartments/townhomes by the location of the electrical sockets, & how easily the second bedroom can accommodate all of your tanks.
•You have a well-stocked medicine cabinet and none of it is for you.
•The Delta Cargo people recognize you on sight.
•Your neighbors think you're a prostitute or a photographer because they can see a red light in one of your windows every night.
•Hetero doesn't mean heterosexual to you.
•You separate your mail into 3 piles: "bills," "junk mail," and "this month's price lists."
•You're standing in the pet store checkout line with your purchase in hand & the person behind you says "Oh, they're so cute! Do they make good pets?" and you reply, "These? Hmmm. Actually, I have no idea...I never thought about that..."
•You get out of your car and start directing traffic around a rattlesnake so the wriggly thing can get away.
•Your girlfriend tells you to choose between her & the snakes, and not only do you tell her you'll miss her, but calculate how many shoebox racks will fit in her half of the closet.
•Someone tells you they have three balls and not only do you not think it's weird, you ask if you can see them!
•You "accidentally" taped an episode of Jeff Corwin/Steve Irwin/Mark O'Shea over your wedding video.
•There's someone in your life who understands why you think baby snake faces are CUTE, and doesn't think you're weird for it.
•You've ever drawn out a punnett square for someone explaining hets, double-hets & co-dominant genes!
•Your girlfriend/wife yells at you for stealing the dish scrubber out of the kitchen every time you clean cages.
•You spend hours designing elaborate feed cards & records for all of your animals, but can't seem to finish the spreadsheet/database your boss asked for a week ago.
•Your wife banishes you to the couch after developing the family vacation photos & finding nothing but herp shots!
•All you want for Christmas is RUBBERMAIDS!
•Employees at the pet shop ask you to help a customer while they're busy
•Your spouse shakes you down when you come home for hidden pillow cases
•At your child's "pet day", they're the only ones returning home with their pet
•You only do yard work in hopes of catching a herp
•You use more electricity at night than during the day
•Your Great Dane is afraid of going in the basement
•The bottoms of all your doors have plastic guards
•You patch up holes in the walls with Reptiles Magazine posters
•You leave your glasses in the herp room at night and wait till the next to get them as not to disturb the light cycles of your Pythons.
•Your house needs to be painted but when you come back from the hardware store, you have 50 pounds of mulch, a case of 100-watt bulbs, and some concrete mixing tubs for water dishes & hide boxes
•You skip meals to have extra money for the upcoming reptile show
•Your reptile collection is worth more than your car

[DutchHerp]

You might be a Herper if...
•The local power plant knows the exact moment your timers go off!
•You answer the door holding a big fat snake & wonder why the Jehovah's Witnesses won't talk with you.
•Your house was raided by the police after a tipoff from the electric company suspecting you of growing pot.
•You and a friend are overheard talking about your babies & someone asks about them, you reply "yeah, my 'baby' is 15' long & weighs around 125 pounds!!!"
•You have a special drawer to keep perfect sheds in.
•Your freezer is full but the kids whine that there's nothing to eat!
•You're the customer at the pet store but answer all the herp questions.
•You do a double take at the latest prime specimen in your local herp store haunt & as your significant other begins to glare you say "This is it!! The last one I promise!! I promise!"...and you are believed for the very last time!
•Your mom knows about you & your excursions out into the woods and into the local pet store, and now frisks you down as soon as you enter the house!
•You quit smoking not to better your health, but out of concern for the effect of second hand smoke on your herps.
•Your arms say you're an I.V. drug user...your python says you're dinner!
•You bypass your girlfriend's Victoria's Secret catalog to get to your latest Reptiles Magazine.
•The employees at the local pet store give you dirty looks every time they see you heading for the small animal section.
•You've learned that defrosting rodents in the microwave DOES NOT WORK!! (Splat! Really gross!!)
•You have way more pillowcases than you have pillows.
•You tell the salesperson at the pet store you won't be needing the seven-day health guarantee on the mouse you just bought.
•You tell yourself you don't look stupid while people are watching you flip rotted boards hunting for snakes on the side of the road.
•You pretend that there really is a good reason to flip boards by the side of the road while people stare like you're crazy!
•You spend countless hours inventing stupid things like this.
•You drive around on recycling day looking for the biggest piles of newspaper & feel guilty and sneaky when people look out their windows & come out yelling at you for stealing!
•Your girlfriend gets mad because you spend way too much time in the Rubbermaid container section dreaming of ways to use them, yet give her a 2-minute limit when she's buying clothes!
•You do your best to give the guy wearing snakeskin boots your dirtiest look & start to wonder if you could get off on just manslaughter.
•You buy car loads of bark mulch but could care less about landscaping.
•You want world peace, to save the environment, a cure for AIDS and a better way to kill mites.
•Your neighbors watch your house closely during hatching season when they see people entering empty handed & leaving with small boxes, and then report you to the police as a drug dealer!!!
•People ask you to pack the truck when they move because YOU have the uncanny ability to fit more fish tanks and sweater boxes into the smallest space available.
•There is always enough room on your credit card to buy another herp, but you ignore your bills.
•You are foolish enough to do this as a business & actually thought you might make a living at it.
•People spend big bucks to get rid of rats & mice and you spend bigger bucks breeding them.
•You stop in a pet store just to look at the reptiles and end up buying a fake plant for a buck so you don't look stupid.
•You spent your last dollar on a reptile book and don't get paid for another week!!
•You buy 100-watt bulbs by the case.
•Upon seeing the Vanity Fair issue with the picture of Cindy Crawford naked, with a boa around her, the first reaction of my herper friends was "Nice looking snake, distinct markings...must be Boa constrictor...looks like a Surinam."
•Your friends need to pull at least three guinea pigs out of the fridge when trying to find the salami.
•You judge the quality of a garage sale by the potential herp housing units for sale.
•You've said "Are aquariums all right?" to a prospective landlord and don't own a single fish.
•You evaluate potential apartments/townhomes by the location of the electrical sockets, & how easily the second bedroom can accommodate all of your tanks.
•You have a well-stocked medicine cabinet and none of it is for you.
•The Delta Cargo people recognize you on sight.
•Your neighbors think you're a prostitute or a photographer because they can see a red light in one of your windows every night.
•Hetero doesn't mean heterosexual to you.
•You separate your mail into 3 piles: "bills," "junk mail," and "this month's price lists."
•You're standing in the pet store checkout line with your purchase in hand & the person behind you says "Oh, they're so cute! Do they make good pets?" and you reply, "These? Hmmm. Actually, I have no idea...I never thought about that..."
•You get out of your car and start directing traffic around a rattlesnake so the wriggly thing can get away.
•Your girlfriend tells you to choose between her & the snakes, and not only do you tell her you'll miss her, but calculate how many shoebox racks will fit in her half of the closet.
•Someone tells you they have three balls and not only do you not think it's weird, you ask if you can see them!
•You "accidentally" taped an episode of Jeff Corwin/Steve Irwin/Mark O'Shea over your wedding video.
•There's someone in your life who understands why you think baby snake faces are CUTE, and doesn't think you're weird for it.
•You've ever drawn out a punnett square for someone explaining hets, double-hets & co-dominant genes!
•Your girlfriend/wife yells at you for stealing the dish scrubber out of the kitchen every time you clean cages.
•You spend hours designing elaborate feed cards & records for all of your animals, but can't seem to finish the spreadsheet/database your boss asked for a week ago.
•Your wife banishes you to the couch after developing the family vacation photos & finding nothing but herp shots!
•All you want for Christmas is RUBBERMAIDS!
•Employees at the pet shop ask you to help a customer while they're busy
•Your spouse shakes you down when you come home for hidden pillow cases
•At your child's "pet day", they're the only ones returning home with their pet
•You only do yard work in hopes of catching a herp
•You use more electricity at night than during the day
•Your Great Dane is afraid of going in the basement
•The bottoms of all your doors have plastic guards
•You patch up holes in the walls with Reptiles Magazine posters
•You leave your glasses in the herp room at night and wait till the next to get them as not to disturb the light cycles of your Pythons.
•Your house needs to be painted but when you come back from the hardware store, you have 50 pounds of mulch, a case of 100-watt bulbs, and some concrete mixing tubs for water dishes & hide boxes
•You skip meals to have extra money for the upcoming reptile show
•Your reptile collection is worth more than your car

NERD, right?

[JamieLynn]

- the last 5 times you discussed sex with your husband it was in reference to your breeding size snakes

- you have more pictures of your herps than your kids (or every picture of a kid includes them holding something with scales)

- who cares how many bathrooms the new house has! does it have a decent space for a bigger snake room!

I was just talking sex with my hubby, and it had nothing to do with us

how about this one:

when you jump off a moving 4 wheeler to take a pic of a box turtle in the trail

when you rearrange furniture in attempt to make room for more racks

I just rearranged the living room to do just that

When your closet is filled to the brim with reptile supplies and your clothes are stuffed in a box somewhere...

All the snakes are nice and neat on a shelf (until I build the rack) but all my clothes are in boxes

When, as a woman, you ask a man if you can touch his balls, and he doesn't think you're loose with your morals. ^_^

I just love this one


How about, when you have to stop 4 lanes of traffic to allow a way ward (insert herp here) to cross.
You ask people if they want to see your snake, and your a girl (or a guy that truely does not intend anything sick)

I love this one on the NERD site, and rite now is so me...
You tell the landlord you can pay rent when the eggs hatch

[Pandora]

NERD, right?

precisely

[Hyper Joe]

1. You buy dozens of sweater boxes and you live in southern California.

2. You become great friends with people that you have nothing else in common with.

3. You would rather go to a reptile party then your relatives wedding. If you do go to the wedding all you think of is the reptile party.

4. You clean rat cages the night before trash day.

5. You stop playing Guitar Hero in the middle of a song just to pet a snake while the rest of your band yells at you.

6. You move in with your in-laws just because they have more tolerance and room for your snakes then your own parents.

7. When you buy freezer bags you picture how many feeders you can fit in it.

8. You don't have the reflex of pulling away when a snake bites.

9. When you have CO2 and you don't have a paintball gun.

10. And lastly.. when you talk about Herps and your not talking about STDs..!!!

um umm. yeah I think that's it.

[frankykeno]

Do please remember that if you are using information directly from someone else's site it is only polite to give them the credit for the work.

[Little B-Py]

10. And lastly.. when you talk about Herps and your not talking about STDs..!!!

That pretty much sums up what my little "about me" box says on my facebook, it exactly says "I love my herps, not to be confused with herp"es"."