Life can be such a downer :/

[bad-one]

This year has been a fairly interesting one for me to say the least. So I'm just gonna rant about how my small family has pretty much fallen apart:

My dad moved out about 5 or 6 months ago because he felt he could not trust my mom with money any more (after an incident of bankruptcy I fully understand). He makes a decent amount money so he can afford the support us by paying the bills and such while he pays for his own room elsewhere. It was hard at first not having him around, but when he is here it is EXTREMELY awkward. I mean what do you say to your dad when he has left? My younger sister was already taking it hard then....

In June I graduated, my mom had broken her ankle (for a 2nd time), and my sister twister her ankle badly while playing her last game of soft ball for the season (The motto if our house is that every project requires a blood sacrifice ). I didn't know it at the time, but thats when my dad had gotten himself a private cell phone (he told my sister and had her keep it secret). For me things were normalizing a bit, my dad seemed to be just taking the time he needed to get things sorted out for us and decide on what he wanted to do. The sad part is that he just seemed so distant, like he wasn't even our dad anymore (I'd always had a close relationship with him.. )

In late June my aunt and uncle (my mom's brother and sister) moved in. My uncle had been mooching off my aunt and her husband for 2 years (he simply stopped going to his job and spent his money on booze). My aunt had been cheating on her husband online with some guy. They had to move in here since my aunt's husband got laid off and they lost the house (and he didn't want to have them around since he learned my aunt was cheating on him).

We gave them a month, we didn't want them here but they were family. During that entire time they didn't actively do anything except sit out in the garage on their laptops and play games... They didn't really look for jobs, they didn't help around the house, they didn't contribute to the food money (only my aunt's husband was able to help a little). So when a months time came up they got a shocker when my mom stuck to her word and told them to leave. They had honestly expected just to live here indefinitely because they were family. I think it is so funny how nasty people can be when they don't get their way. After having them here I learned that there is a very fine line between helping family and being used by family.

They left and later sent my mom some pretty nasty, completely inaccurate emails accusing her of being some horrible person for not letting them stay. It's not like we could afford to have them here indefinitely and even I won't put up with that steaming pile of bs. I grew really close to my mom during this entire ordeal, I had to convince her that she was doing the right thing by upholding her rule. It wasn't fair for our dad to have to pay for them (we couldn't do it much longer anyway). And it hurt her so much to have her brother and sister assume they could use her by playing the family card.

They stayed a week with my aunt's husband before they got unexpectedly kicked out again since he could not support them and she was still cheating. They were nice to him for that week and once things didn't work out for them again they got downright nasty to him too... Now they are staying with my mooching uncle's ex wife's mother ...... That won't last long and they already burnt the rest of their bridges.

So, that passed thankfully and they are no longer in our lives which sucks because I loved them but there's nothing we can do about that
The sad part is that our other uncle (soon to be ex husband of our mooching aunt- the one that got cheated on) has to watch their three kids she wants nothing to do with. I plan on having kids some day and I can't fathom not wanting them in my life!


So that was probably one of the roughest months of the year. But oh no, it doesn't stop there! Remember I mentioned my dad having a secret cell phone only about a month after he left? Last month we went up to visit his brother and our grandmother. It was about a 2 hour drive. So mind you, I have never in my life seen my dad text... well the entire time up there he was texting someone and was extremely evasive about who or what about. We got there and enjoyed the day there and spent the night. During that day my sister had gotten a hold of his phone- all of the texts were deleted but the call records were intact and showed he had been calling the same woman 3 times a day, every day at the same times. I learned later he met her only a month after leaving the house.

So that morning (still at my grandma's house) I confronted him and he claimed she was "just a friend". But he couldn't give me an answer when I asked -"If she is just a friend, why couldn't you have just told her that you were spending time with your kids and family, that you'll talk to her later?" (The day we arrived he had snuck off several times and had made calls to this lady friend). So maybe me and my sister are nosy? He admitted to going out with her and doing stuff (sounding awefully like dates). The thing that got me is that although my parents are seperated, they are still married and there was no agreement to be running around with other people. He had even tried to keep our hopes up, saying there was a fair chance he was coming home again.

The part that hurts isn't so much that they will get a divorce after being married 18 years, it's the fact that my own father couldn't man up to any of us and be honest. He just chose the easy route to keep quiet, and all this time I had comforted my mom and told her he was a good man. To be led on is far worse than to be told the truth and my dad led us all on. I don't mind my father having his own life and friends. I just can't respect a man who I can't even recognize anymore, who spends more time with his new friends than with his own kids. He doesn't support what we love, or what we do well in, and that little bit of support means so much when it comes from a parent (whether we crazy offspring like to admit it or not).

So now me, my mom (she is taking courses at a local college to get a job in an office), and my younger sister sit at home not knowing what hurdle is coming next. My sister used to be a straight A student and is failing most of her classes. I do all of the "man of the house jobs", I'm a girl just so everyone knows, and it feels so wrong. Not because I believe they are men only chores, just that it's the things my dad always did. I'm the one my mom and little sister lean on because apparently I'm the tough one who seldom sheds a tear. I just don't know how long being the tough one can last

But there is still a lot of good stuff in my life,
I just turned 18 and I'm comtemplating going to become a nurse (it is a stable job at least and medical stuff fascinates me). I'm glad that my dad supports us all financially, I truly am, I've been blessed to be in a finacially comfortable house. I'm studying to get my drivers liscense, and then I'll go job hunting so that I can better support myself and maybe help out with bills. I'm blessed by having my parent's be the type to want us to be well on our feet before we move out.

Also, I'm so glad I have my reptiles in my life, they are one of the few things that truely make me happy. What little allowance I do get is enough to pay for their needs.

But enough of my great ranting of epic, novel like proportions. Thanks for listening in advance, although I feel a bit bad having to write so much...

[wilomn]

Life 101 can be a real butt kicker.

If you give up, they win. I don't know who they are, but trust me, you are not the only one they play games with. Hang in there.

Also, and I am not defending him here, but find out what your dad thinks and why he's doing what he's doing before you condemn him for it. Maybe he and your mother know it's over but haven't told you yet. Maybe he's just confused. Maybe he's just not loyal. Without an actual honest conversation, you'll never know.

And, being a girl, it might not be easy or even possible for him to talk to you about his personal problems. Some guys can't, some won't.

There are people here and no doubt at your school, maybe even a personal friend or two that would let you lean on them when you need to. It's ok to take help if you're working on whatever it is you need help with. You already know sitting on your ass solves nothing, but don't think you're all alone.

My daughter is just a year younger than you. I've seen how little some of the fathers of her female friends actually communicate. If you think it's just you and your dad, it's not.

Don't give in but don't compromise your beliefs.

[DarkSean]

For some reason I imagined you were a boy up until you said "Im a girl BTW" and I have no idea why. It seems alot is being put on your family at once. Most of us could handle that i each thing came seperately but together??? I would crack. Its good to hear that you haven't just given up on life like many people do and still want to be a nurse (I want to be a dental nurse... Snap), but so much for you to have on your shoulders. Just keep helping out and leave it to your parents to decide what happens (although it seems your dad already has without telling you guys. I can't imagine how it feels so all i can say is hang in there, you seem very smart so thats good.

[sg1trogdor]

It can only get so bad before it gets better. Just stick in there and everything will eventually work out. My mom and dad split for similar reasons. My mom moved out and got a new boyfriend and to this day still will not admit they were seeing each other "like that". You just can't let it get to you. Life goes on and there is bound to be more bumps further on down the road. Hell I was only 10 when my mom split but meh I didn't let it get to me even though I was very close to her. The way I looked at it was if shes happier where shes at now then let her be.

[bad-one]

Also, and I am not defending him here, but find out what your dad thinks and why he's doing what he's doing before you condemn him for it. Maybe he and your mother know it's over but haven't told you yet. Maybe he's just confused. Maybe he's just not loyal. Without an actual honest conversation, you'll never know.

I know, I don't mean to condemn him, I'm just terribly frustrated. We used to be able to talk about anything, perfect communication and now it is just silence. Deep down I truly believe he is confused, he says one thing, then changes his mind all the time. I believe he still loves my mom too. However, at this point, I think it is over. He has given my mom the "o.k" to see other men...Today he told her that he is interested in someone else. Now I'm stuck trying to be the voice of wisdom and remind her that revenge makes no one happy in the end. I'm trying to convince her to do what makes her happy, not what hurts those who have hurt her.

And yes, I have 2 close friends I'm able to confide in and that helps a lot

Thanks guys for your support! It is making me feel a lot better

[Big Gunns]

Big Gunns wants you to do this...really..he does. Go to your local hospital and say you want to visit the terminally ill children. Do this....then you'll realize that although your life seems to suck right now, it could be a whole lot worse.

"Life can be such a downer...but something tells Big Gunns....death is much worse.


Cheer up kid. You hopefully have a long happy life ahead of you, but that's all up to you.

Attitude is EVERYTHING. Now if Big Gunns could just take his own advice.

[dsirkle]

It sounds as though you have had a very tough time and I am sorry to hear that. However I would like to point out that your Dad seems to be the only one in your family (other than the Uncle with the cheating wife) who is a responsible adult. I don't think that you should lose respect for him, nor do I think that he has an obligation to account for himself to you. He has a right to live his own life just as we all do. Your parents marriage is between the two of them. That is not to say that the children are not emotionally affected by trouble between their parents. We can't avoid rough spots in life. We all have times that we think that we won't be able to make it through. If you persevere this will eventually be behind you. I wish that I could say something to you that would give you some comfort, but I mainly would like to attempt to persuade you not to write your Dad off as a bad guy. I think that you would be mistaken to do so and would regret it later.

[nixer]

I know, I don't mean to condemn him, I'm just terribly frustrated. We used to be able to talk about anything, perfect communication and now it is just silence. Deep down I truly believe he is confused, he says one thing, then changes his mind all the time. I believe he still loves my mom too. However, at this point, I think it is over. He has given my mom the "o.k" to see other men... Now I'm stuck trying to be the voice of wisdom and remind her that revenge makes no one happy in the end. I'm trying to convince her to do what makes her happy, not what hurts those who have hurt her.

And yes, I have 2 close friends I'm able to confide in and that helps a lot

Thanks guys for your support! It is making me feel a lot better

perhaps your dad does not want to worry you guys about it. after all just because they are not together does not mean that hes not your dad. unfortunately when these things happen typically its only the children that get hurt. ive been there and believe me it can be much much worse. on the bright side of this perhaps it will work out for everyone and in the end everyone is much happier

[bad-one]

I have to agree, things could be so much worse, and I'm glad they are not. I feel that my life has been very stable and I've been sooo lucky to have that. I'm not the type to give up easily, I'm terribly stubborn actually lol

dsirkle, you do have some good points, although I can't fully agree with them. He is responsible, a lot more responsible than most of the people I have ever known. I just feel that he should be open with the truth to me, I am not so young that I can not understand (because I do, I expected a divorce at some point, just not him lying to us so blatantly about what we know is going on). I will try not to write him off as a bad guy, but I know it will take me a long time to even allow a close relationship with him again, if ever. I often find great difficulty in forgiving people who have hurt me so deeply, so much so that it sometimes takes years for me to let it go

I just hope everyone will be able to move on and be happy again, I think it is going to be a while though.

[dsirkle]

I have to agree, things could be so much worse, and I'm glad they are not. I feel that my life has been very stable and I've been sooo lucky to have that. I'm not the type to give up easily, I'm terribly stubborn actually lol

dsirkle, you do have some good points, although I can't fully agree with them. He is responsible, a lot more responsible than most of the people I have ever known. I just feel that he should be open with the truth to me, I am not so young that I can not understand (because I do, I expected a divorce at some point, just not him lying to us so blatantly about what we know is going on). I will try not to write him off as a bad guy, but I know it will take me a long time to even allow a close relationship with him again, if ever. I often find great difficulty in forgiving people who have hurt me so deeply, so much so that it sometimes takes years for me to let it go

I just hope everyone will be able to move on and be happy again, I think it is going to be a while though.

I am going attempt to make an analogy here. You Dad is living his life as he must. For whatever reasons, things have broken down between your parents, their marriage seems to be over, and your Dad is seeking normal companionship as he is not a Monk. He is reluctant to discuss what he is doing with you for the very same reasons that a gay person is afraid to come out of the closet to his family. He hasn't sorted out his own feelings yet, he feels some shame and he fears a bad reaction from members of his family. He would probably like to get this out in the open, but isn't able to do it yet. And you are like the relative that discovers that a family member is gay and cries "It's all about me! It's all about me! He has been sneaking around being gay and I am disapointed in him and I am only worried about how I am affected by this and how this reflects on our family dynamics! How dare he?" And you embody the reason that he is afraid to approach the subject by the attitude that you are displaying now. Just some food for thought.