hello, friends! [MITES, PAM, DEATH, and the gang]

[tttaylorrr]

let's cut to the chase: losing two baby beeps within hours was traumatizing. the sight; the smell; trying to understand what happened; struggling to accept i am still a novice; coming to terms with what i could control and what i could not.

for months after: every single time i came home from work and went to my room, i would mentally prepare, and take a DEEEEP breath, to find that smell again, just to try and prepare if someone else died...i expected it. EVERY. DAY. for months.

i had to step away from the forum. HAD to. social media has always been a trigger for me (in fact: this is the most personal social media presence i have on the internet besides my freelance business; i quit facebook almost a decade ago) so in hard times i just have to step away. and i have so many beautiful, wonderful friends and ROLE MODELS on here. and im so sorry to them for just disappearing. many of you kept contact and i cannot express how much it really meant to me.

i bought two baby snakes from two very small local breeders who are actually friends with one another. since we were all so chill and friendly, open, we agreed to meet at an (essentially a swap meet) event that involves local animal breeders. this works well for pet animals that need papers and shots; reptiles don't.

one of my breeders had his young son there, who was not displaying any sort of sanitary behavior as he walked around the entire building with a ball python trying to sell it to other ball vendors. the mites started on the animal bought from this breeder after i witnessed the son handle my snake i bought later.

as my two new snakes' QT was running for a day or so, i notice the mites on the paper towel. mite meltdown went into full gear with PAM for the bins and Frontline for the animals.

ive read EVERY. DAMN. THING. about mites worth reading. SINCE I LEARNED WHAT A MITE WAS. for half a decade. ive read the article which details the entire lifecycles and why you have to be diligent and relentless. ive read other poster's stories; successes and failures.

and you just assume it could never happen to you.

there's a post around here that was shared within the past year (i apologize for not linking) about PAM poisoning. when i read it i started tearing up...because it's exactly what i experienced, except no one got better.

again, i retraced every step of what we went through, and i started realizing how often i caught those babies in their water dishes; because the dishes were HUGE compared to the 6qt bins these babies were in. it took less than a week for me to notice a sliiiiight difference in behaviour (as much as you can monitor snakes in QT; mainly noticed skewed hides), then a day or so from noticing the difference in behavior to the passing (i hope that makes sense).

looking back at their QT tubs: the water dish was essentially DIRECTLY outside their hide. if they wanted to explore, they almost had no choice but to go into their water.

[YES, i kept their water dishes out for 12-16hrs after PAM applications]

and that's the only major mistake i can think of. maybe i didnt let things drying enough...there were dried drops visible on the hides when i think back, but DRIED.

add a wet snake...

my friends...my peers...anyone whose helped me: it's been so hard. i made the mistakes i made. i killed two beautiful animals who i only just named a week before they passed. because of oversight and ignorance.

ive been so weirdly terrified of being looked at some type of way from you all...for these two snakes passing in my care. honestly i hope you all understand and forgive me.

PLEASE ask any and all questions about what happened. i am more than willing to share my story.

my established crew is well. im just trying to keep my girls up in weight and maybe im a little scared to pull the breeding trigger (i dont want to do it unless i have my own place, but maybe that's an excuse). but i want my females at the established weights for a steady amount of time...

i love my babies. Corny and Wavvy too! everyone is doing okay; hoping i can get into the swing of posting pics within a few weeks...that's a goal id like to have for myself. just wanna feel normal and be a part of this community again.

SHOUTOUT to the BP fantasy football league!!! thank you guys so much for allowing me to continue to be a part of this community by proxy and in the league without judgement!!! I SUCK AT FANTASY FOOTBALL!!!

if anyone has a pic request from my crew ill do my best but it's JUST two days after feeding (ima wednesday feeder)!

thank you, BP.net